To want to quit my very high paying job & go back to earning minimum wage for the sake of my mental health?

[WannaQuit]

Just want to start this thread by saying this is in no way an humble brag, and is just me trying to figure out if I am about to make the biggest mistake of my life by leaving my job behind and the salary that comes with it, or if I am right in thinking that mental health is more important and that while, yes, I will miss the income, I should be alright and won’t regret prioritizing my peace of mind and mental health which is what I am absolutely dying to do right now.

It’s gonna be long sorry but it’s such a life changing decision I would rather give as many details as possible than not enough so:

For background:

I am soon to be 30, and come from a very poor family with lots of abusive and toxic behavior, violence, social services and food banks were part of my childhood and is a big reason why I have made the choices I have made this far life wise, and also why it’s hard to currently make the choice I want to make without guilt and without questioning myself.

Mental health is normally absolutely paramount to me, as I have fought so so hard to go back to having a decent mental health after leaving my home at age 16 (currently still in therapy) but, I feel I have given up on it for money lately and on the other hand, growing up with scarsity has made me both resourceful when it comes to making money and developing my earning potential yet also VERY anxious about making any decision that negatively impact my finances.

That’s for the personal background.

Now here is my dilemma:

Over the last decade I have gone from earning well below minimum wage to earning way above what I could have ever hoped for. My current salary is about £14k a month. That’s beyond what I could ever hope to earn and also pretty much a salary I will never find again if I quit (even if I was to stick to what I do career wise at that level, I think I could go back to a £4-5k a month job, or maybeee and that would be a big maybe 7-8k) .

On the other hand for that amount of money I pretty much have no life. I need to be available 24/7, (not rare that I have finished working at 3am and then been expected to be up for work again at 6am for example).

My current working environment is also not the best. In fact it’s pretty poor.

There is is a massive lack of communication (which at times feels massively purposeful)
making everything a lot more stressful than it needs to be, my boss goes through massive mood swings that make the work environment a place where walking on eggshells is the norm and a daily occurrence. I have gone through endless passive aggressive behaviors as well as been at the receiving end of plenty of ongoing rudeness and genuinely abusive behaviors, that topped with endless schedule changes and no appreciation whatsoever. It’s ROUGH. Genuinely rough. And honestly mentally I have been feeling more and more broken as time go by.

I was in a two years relationship when starting this job as an example but this job put so much stress on me that my relationship didn’t survive, my job is also abroad so I am away from home a lot and that’s obviously hard on many levels and keeps me isolated a lot of the time.

I am at a point where I want to QUIT. I want to dedicate myself and my people time, I want to enjoy my home, I want to go back to feeling like I have a life and like my life matters, and I want to be there enough to be able to commit to doing things (going to the gym, piano lessons, fostering dogs/cats, seeing my therapist more regularly, that kind of thing that I absolutely have no possibility to do right now).

From a heart and mental health point of you my body is absolutely screaming at me to finally take that step and quit and enjoy a couple of months with no work and then going back to a much simpler life with a much lower salary (something along the lines of 20-30k a year which is still a lot more than what I was making 5 years ago). Yet as soon as I convince myself to take the step, my mind start panicking and thinking “what if I regret not holding on longer and saving more?” as obviously with this salary each month counts. A few months ago my plan was to quit next december, then it got reduced to August, then May and now I really feel like I need to bite the bullet and quit now (May is gonna be extremely busy and stressful and so I know I will be treated very poorly while working under the worst conditions likely.) Most people I am close to have either quit or are actually putting in their notice this month. It’s bad. (We don’t all earn the same but we are all equally burned out.)

From a financial point of view I am only 29 but I have tried to make “smart” choices along the way (within my limited knowledge and low financial education) and tried to secure my future as much as I could, but again I come from a poor family with massive money management issues so I am afraid what I think is secured investments and the right choices to normally be okay if I quit, are NOT actually as smart or as secure as I think and obviously my family and everyone who knows my salary keeps pushing for me to stay in this job for the money (but have no clue what it’s like to actually work at the capacity I work at) and I keep doubting myself as a result.

Currently my financial situation is as followed:

• Saving wise I have about 50k saved up (they are on saving accounts so do bring me a little bit in interests each year, I do not know enough about investing to invest them nor am I willing to risk them as they are my main tangible way out of this job.

• Housing wise I have bought my first property outright 2 years ago, it’s in a touristy city by the sea (not in the UK) and it’s where I reside when not at work. It’s in a country where property is still affordable so not an expensive property but it has doubled in value since I have bought it (not that it matters because it’s my home and I have absolutely no intention of selling it but just to express that worst case scenario I do have a home I could sell, and it’s in my sole name as I have bought it alone.)

• Currently I am in the process of buying a second property with someone very very close and dear to me (not a partner), I could have done without buying a second property but I really wanted that person to get access to the housing ladder and I know my salary would easily allow for us to get a joint mortgage something this person wouldn’t be able to do alone. We have been approved for a 100% mortgage. This property is located in a better area than my own home and therefore cost double what I have paid mine, but it’s an investment for both of us and the goal is to rent it out and it should easily both pay for itself and give us a little something on top (+ it’s very likely to increase in value short to long-term). The property requires some work not too much but likely about 10k worth so half of that would have to come out of my savings if not a bit more and obviously before it’s rented we would have to pay the repayments (£600/month so £300 each).

• I have a small debt linked to my first apartment, I could technically pay it off right now with my savings but I have just been following the payment plan. But obviously don’t want to stop paying if I quit.

So that’s about it, that’s the global vision of my current situation. I am extremely aware of how lucky I am. I know I have a lot more than most at not yet 30 than many will even have in their lives and I am extremely grateful to have what I have and be where I am at. On the other hand I am beyond stressed, and I feel that once you start earning a certain amount there is this monumental pressure to stay at that level and keep working harder and harder, but honestly I dream of getting back to my old life when I actually had a life, and where I didn’t sell my soul for money. I dream of doing a simple job even for minimum wage and going home every night and being PRESENT. But am I being naive? Like I have said, even 5 years ago I was still earning below minimum wage and worrying about money so it’s definitely not lost on me how lucky I am and also what the reality is. But I feel the choices I have made along the way mean that even if I was to go back to a minimum wage job I should still be okay, and less stressed? But am I being massively delusional? Parts of me feel like if I can’t relax now when I have all of this when will I ever feel like I can (I don’t have kids). But I am also currently massively massively burned out, so I am scared I will regret my decision no matter which one I take.

So what would you if you were me? Would you quit your job and accept the massive hit financially to get your life and mental health back? Or would you keep going for a while even if it means no personal life for as long as you keep at it? There will always be the possibility to get back to this career (at a much lower salary) if I quit, as I have now made a bit of a name for myself in the industry and don’t think I will lose that, but if I do quit I 100% need a proper break from this career, I have had many panic attacks this year (something I had never had before) due to this job and so would need to work in something else entirely for a while if I want my mental health to have a shot at recovering, so it’s very likely I would go back to minimum wage or 30k/year max if I am lucky in any other industry due lack of experience and studies.

I appreciate all opinions and advice including those telling me to give myself a wobble, just remember that my mental health is not currently at its best so try not to be too cruel if possible in your messages. I have massive anxieties related to both finances and abuse due to my background and I currently feel like having to pick abuse for money or lose my financial safety to stop abuse and it is an anxiety filled decision for me. I have also felt the need to name change because I have shared way too many personal information in this post but I am a long-standing member of Mumsnet.

Thank you in advance for any and all advice/ answers, I genuinely appreciate anyone taking the time to share their opinion and help me out in this decision.

You clearly have a talent for languages OP. That is an important transferrable skill and ahould open up a lot of opportunities, especially if you couple it with a degree. I understand your concern about studying. I suggest starting a course and seeing how you go. You could choose a profession rather than a purely academic degree. Maybe something like nursing or teaching or accounting.

Some of these careers could be stressful, but given that you are not materialistic and do not live an expensive lifestyle, you own your home outright and have good savings, I think you could work part-time and still live comfortably.

@Nextdoor55 Is right, you're addicted to the adrenaline and dysfunctionality of a high stress environment. This is all that you've known in your life so you need heavy duty therapy to unpick this. It's why you're questioning your decision to leave as weak rather than recognising the environment is dangerous.

@Nextdoor55 Is right, you're addicted to the adrenaline and dysfunctionality of a high stress environment. This is all that you've known in your life so you need heavy duty therapy to unpick this. It's why you're questioning your decision to leave as weak rather than recognising the environment is dangerous.

I think first of all burn out is an issue and you need a break. Can you book holiday and make some decisions. I would always choose life over money. But I would try and reset then save like crazy until the end of the year like you planned. You need to know what the next plan is and what you want to do because by just quitting could make you just as unhappy in a poor unappreciated position. I would need to consider what field I’d want to work in and whether to retrain.

Shell be travelling to nanny or provide wardrobe services etc with the family.

@WannaQuit
I think if I followed my heart right now I would quit, take the risk of working part-time and going back to studying, graduate and start working again full-time but in something new, with a purpose and that (hopefully) suit me.
I think this is your answer!

Between homeless at 16yo , then BELOW minimum wage worker to 14k a month 13 years later with no qualifications except for the extra 4 languages. That's amazing. You should write a book in one of your 5 languages. Did you grow up with these 5 languages , if so, what a diverse family you had for that 16 years; or did you acquire them between 16yo and now. Amazing either way. ( I know a boy who has a French mother and a German father but lives in an English speaking country so is trilingual.) 5 is extraordinary!! Well done you. What are they btw? Seriously intrigued.

Sometimes when we are in a situation, it's hard to look outside that situation and see other solutions. Your post talks about continuing in the role, or swapping to a minimum-wage type role but those don't feel like the only options to me, and neither of them feel like good solutions here.

Looking from the outside some solutions which occur to me are

Dropping to 3 days a week with current company (8k a month - still a fantastic salary). They might not like this but if they're short staffed and value you hopefully would agree in order to keep you in some capacity.

Finding a similar job elsewhere but negotiating on work-life factors rather than money in interview. Even if you halved your salary to do this - 7k a month - still a fantastic salary.

Going truly self-employed in this career working for multiple people to cover sickness, absence etc. Setting your rate at your current salary and aiming to work an average of 2 weeks per month (7k a month - still a fantastic salary).

Work out a way to do some part of the role from home and negotiate for a 1 week work-from-home and one week travel. On your work-from-home week negotiate that the role be 9-5. Even if you halved your salary to do this - 7k a month - still a fantastic salary.

Look at a linked job which would use your current experience. Things like teaching your current role; working for a regulator etc. This might not have the exact same salary but will likely be benchmarked against your current role so still well paid.

In your position I would try and get some time with a decent professional coach. Find someone with a rough understanding of your industry and some experience in coaching around careers.That way you can give them all of the information about your situation, and they'll be able to help you track out all of the options. Do this before you do something drastic like quit.

Agreed it's probably working for a high net worth family nanny/PA/Chef that sort of thing.

I'm sure there are other jobs in a similar field that will pay somewhere near what you get now but don't have terrible conditions to work within. Unless OP is the highest paid person in the world doing that same job.
Op can speak several languages and is articulate I'm sure she can find another well paying job outside of this particular field. I'd speak with recruiters.

Could you arrange a 6m sabbatical instead? Go and do some charity work and reset, then talk to HR about changing things when you return? Reducing to a 3 day week, for example or simply stating that you will not work until 3am and be prepared to start again at 6am etc any more.

This op. You could go for something in between as you don't want the stresses of struggling to survive financial. I earn just enough which mostly goes to our south east rent and have no assets. But I regularly fancy a basic supermarket jobs where I can. Come home, switch off with no emails, zoom calls or ridiculous deadlines. So I understand the attraction. Just wish my job afforded me 14k a month. Blast it I would be happy with 10k a month

You have options, ask for a sabbatical. Request to go part time, so job share with another person. Apply for a similar job elsewhere. Save up as much as you can over the next 2 years, before down grading to another job. Set up your own business doing similar, and employ staff. Poor people chase money, rich people chase good health. I'd choose health over money, but I'd make a plan.

Look OP you did the hard part which is being financially independent. So many women aren’t. I’m a high earner and it’s not always really stressful so I’d take some time out to decide what you want to do next. Yes it might mean relocating and I think where you are now is your haven away from work. I get that. But as you unwind and start thinking about what is next maybe keep an open mind. Would I quit? I don’t know. Only you know that and you don’t need anyone’s permission. Only your own.

I am in a similar high pressure job and there is no way I would quit of my own accord in these circumstances. It is not slavery - you are always in control. Work only your contractual hours and reassert all your boundaries. Put in formal complaints about your boss. Go on sick leave for as long as it is paid and then get them to fire you with a generous payout. Don’t let them bully you into quitting for free. Good luck!

That sort of job is only ever a short-medium term plan.

14k/month before or after tax? If it were me, I'd stick it out until I'd saved enough for another buy to let, small or zero mortgage (12-18 months at that sort of salary?), then use that income to supplement a more modest salary.

Be wary of believing that low paid work is easy or fulfilling. Also, I think your property plan with a close friend is a disaster waiting to happen.

I think you should start with a short period of time off. Get signed off (if that’s a thing where you are). Get some proper sleep & rest before making any decisions.
You absolutely should put your mental health above a big salary, but you need to make any decision to quit with a clear, rested head.
Speaking that many languages, you won’t need to take a minimum wage job. Take some time to look around at what’s available before rushing into a decision.

You are sensible & resourceful, so I’m sure you’ll be fine.

Please do get at least a few days of complete rest before making any decisions.
Good luck.

A mental breakdown takes a very long time to recover from. It is a minimum of several years lost, and continues to affect you after that. Even at your salary, it's not worth tipping over that edge (even from a purely financial calculation!).

Does the country you live in (and have your house in) have social security you could access? In most Western countries you get enough money to live on even without working. Owning your home outright also makes that much less risky, since you aren't at the mercy of rising rents. Do the calculation on a 'worst case' basis of having no job. It might well be that your deep financial fear is unfounded.

You're an adult now. You aren't vulnerable in the way you were as a child. If you are in a country where you have access to social security and medical care etc, then you really are safe. No one can harm you unless you let them.

That 'Unless you let them' is a big 'Unless'. You don't ask about it, but the biggest risk to your safety and future is that with your childhood history of abuse - and abusive working conditions since then - you are very, very vulnerable to an abusive relationship, which could destroy your future life. Speak to your therapist about it before it happens. It's not wrong - your brain did exactly the right thing to survive a difficult childhood. But now that you are a strong adult, you can change your thought patterns in order to best thrive.

Use your time off to clear your head and plan your next move. It doesn't have to be a forever job - although think about whether some jobs would be easier to get with this one in your recent history.

You're a strong, healthy young adult in a time and place where you have so many opportunities. You have everything you need to have a happy life. You've got this.

Christ.

Still people coming along with the helpful "go to HR"... "refuse to work more than contracted hours"... "look into going part time"... "request 'job share'"

Do people not read the thread and understand than OP isn't working in the UK, isn't working as a 'normal' employee, isn't in a corporate type job with 'HR'..?

🤦‍♀️

Minimum wage jobs are some of the most stressful out there - eg carer so don’t idealise that.

You need some kind of career coach/headhunter/life rethink to figure out what areas to target with your skillset. As you don’t have a degree now may be the time to take a sabbatical and do one.

While helping your friend/family member is laudable it may not be sensible if you want to take time out and don’t know what salary you will have going forward.

Yes rather than buying a property for someone else it would be more sensible to buy an investment property to live on the income while doing a degree or some other kind of training.

You've done amazingly! You've got a house and savings... now go live your dreams! Hand in your notice and then save as much of your final pay checks as you physically can - see if you can clear your old debt and pay for the house upgrades without dipping into your existing savings so you have peace of mind.

Personally I would quit. I used to have a very high powered job and had I continued, I’d have been earning 7 figures or close to per annum. However it absolutely almost killed me. I thought of killing myself so many times. It was the job itself but also the toxic environment.

im still in the same industry now but in a different place and a different role with strict boundaries and I only work my contracted hours. Only occasionally stressful. I still get paid a “good” salary (appreciate you are talking about something different).

I do have to have chats with myself about why I should not beat myself up for walking away as the salary figures i “could” earn are staggering (for context I wasn’t at that point in last role but I was on track for it as there were active conversations) but I know that it would kill me so totally not worth it

I remember an AMA from a celeb nanny, so I would think this is her...

Wait 3/4 more months, save up ALL you can from the salary (100% mortgage on the new place isn't that good a deal) and then quit and go and work in a bookshop

I think you need to take the long view of the support you're giving to others.

At the moment you are burning yourself to a crisp to give them money. But money isn't anywhere near as valuable as the person themselves. I too believe that money is to be spent/shared - but that doesn't mean doling out lumps of it now. Investments mean you can secure a better future for all of you. I'd hate for my sister to burn herself out to support me without securing her own future.

If you can stand it, could you work another 3 months whilst saving about 10-12k per month?

I would then try out living super cheap for a few months to recover (mortgage free should make this possible, and with time you can make life beautiful without money!). Then move on to a part time role whilst you study for something.

I did the same when I burned out. Life changing.

Great advice 👌