Gender and pronouns

[Wyki]

Before I start, the daily mail and other papers can all fuck off

I’m prepared to be flamed for this as I’ve been here long enough to know how it all works but….

aibu to tell my son he can’t have his partner over any more

It’s a new relationship. My son is 21 and the new partner is 18

He barely works and is consequently on a low salary however he does help me with childcare (that I pay a minimal amount for)

the new partner is a very petite pink haired “girl” that does ballet and dance but uses the pronoun he/him

my 11 year old daughter is finding it confusing and asked if her brother is gay. I replied with “no because the partner is very feminine and is a girl despite the pronouns” (I couldn’t care less if he was gay, sexuality isn’t important)

So am I being unreasonable in saying the partner doesn’t come over as it’s just too weird and I don’t want that example being set for my daughter

I agree totally. Our biology and sex is fixed.

I wish the police forces (trained by trans activists) understood that and didn’t allow their police officers to have multiple id cards to reflect the ‘gender’ they are feeling on any particular day. Totally open to abuse as a policy and totally unacceptable for a police force.

No it doesn't make me uncomfortable at all, what makes you think that?

Whether anyone likes it or not, your daughter is growing up in a world that respects people's choices. Those who object are a dying breed.

You seemed to have quite an issue with them being discussed and mentioned that you were taking the p*ss out of various examples you were given, which given the topic seemed inappropriate, so I assumed your reaction was because you were uncomfortable.

Depending on the choices, that’s generally a good thing but one’s sex (and related pronouns) is not a choice. HTH.

What is the difference?

I mentioned children vomiting on mothers early on, did you just forget in your haste to point out the hilarity of the solemness of people's experiences that children who are not nursing infants vomit on their parents too?

I think "uncomfortable" implies I don't have a strong enough stomach for the subject matter. I'm fine in that regard thank you. Maybe you're the fragile one as you have put an asterisk in "piss".

I assumed you meant milk sick because that's run of the mill. If you're out in public when an older child is vomiting then you need to get them home, not faff about in the toilets sluicing your clothes.

@BundleBoogie
You can fight it all you want, but it won't make a blind bit of difference in the long run.

Thanks for proving my point. You don't actually care what anyone truly thinks - you just want an argument. Well, I've clarified my points, you can bang on as you wish - you won't be getting one. Sorry to disappoint.

So, you made an assumption while rushing to shame people. Well done.

And gosh... just think that if you have a child who is vomiting... do you think that you might need to clean up before taking the child home? Or are we supposed to jump on the tube or bus covered in vomit just covered up with a muslin? Or a jumper?

Do you actually think through the scenarios that you mock or is the fun just in the mocking and shaming?

Child vomiting is absolutely a mop it up as best you can and then get out of there scenario. I would not be stripping off and attempting to wash and dry my clothes in the toilets while my sick kid just stands there, what the fuck.

You are aware that it is physically impossible for anyone to change sex?? I’m not fighting anything - I’m sticking to reality. Try it, you might like it.

Ooh dear - getting a little desperate now. I happen to not like to swear very much - how does that make me fragile? What interesting boundaries you have.

@BundleBoogie I'm not asking you to change your reality. All I'm saying is that the future, if we have one, will be much kinder than you.

Don't be daft. Who on earth makes their way home covered in vomit when they can go to the toilet and rinse it off? The child would go to the toilet with you if you were alone with them. A few minutes spent cleaning off the vomit is obviously the more public spirited thing to do than parade about covered in it until you get home, risking other people being exposed to any germs. Unless you're a complete half wit, or so far out of arguments you're resorting to nonsense to divert attention from the fact.

Okay maybe it doesn't make you FRAGILE but it is bizarre I mean you are still using the word and everyone knows you're using the word. It's like you're trying to get around sensors or hide it from children or something, neither of which are on here.

I’m not really sure what you’re trying to say.

I AM being kind. It is utterly cruel to agree with a distressed and vulnerable young person that ‘yes, you were actually born in the wrong body and will therefore need a lifetime of harmful drugs and surgery in order to have a hope of happiness’.

Being kind is being honest and saying that she’ll probably feel very differently when her brain fully mature, or she has sought treatment for any trauma that has driven her distress with her body - the majority do, so no, I’m not going to reinforce her theory and help set her in a path to serious bodily harm.

Can you explain why you think I am unkind?

I used the word because I was referring back to your own words. 🤷‍♀️

Do you make a habit of getting distracted by a laser focus on a less than relevant detail rather than the actual point? You done it several times now.

flaffydaffy

I think the 'what the fuck' is how you think your decisions are the only valid ones and how you seem to be the arbitrator of what the needs are for everyone.

The thing is, it doesn't even matter. Because if women and girl's need privacy away from male people as per this discussion for ANY reason, they shouldn't have to deal with posters who are mocking and shaming about their experiences to be able to put their needs forward.

Just because you make particular decisions about your personal hygiene, it doesn't actually matter to the topic being discussed.

Remember, we need to be not carrying 'spare clothes for the mother' but we should be carrying a jumper 'just in case' and perhaps a 'muslin'.

And that baby vomit and spilled food is different to older children's or another adult's vomit.

And blood, well just wrap a jumper around your wet blood stain and crack on. Don't worry if it involves sitting and staining everything else, you just shouldn't bother attempting to remove the stain.

And some emergencies are worthy of privacy and some are not.

I think we need a handbook to know the right decisions. Maybe they should write one.

I did tell you in my very first comment that I was commenting because I found it funny. I find the concept of women's toilets being a place where people have to change their clothes outside of the stalls all the time very funny because it's bollocks. And I find your solemn tone about the matter very funny.
If you care about the "topic being discussed" then you've strayed very far from it yourself because the OP was about calling her son's female partner "he". This is really very, very much nothing to do with getting naked in toilets!

I think we got the fact that you were just here to mock and shame. Go you!

And no, the topic is part of the larger topic around gender identity. It seems to be that you that are ill-informed.

@BundleBoogie
I'm not sure what your experience is, so I'm sorry.
Someone very close to me went through years of torment because of their gender ID. It didn't end well for them. All I hope is that the world will be a different place for my grandchildren. That there'll be more acceptance and less hate.

This feels really wrong headed however. There will be no true/genuine 'acceptance' that someone is something they are not. We're lying to young people if we tell them they can change sex or the world will treat them as the opposite sex, because that simply isn't the case.

Wouldn't it be much more genuinely accepting to stress that there is no 'right' way to be male or female. That everyone should be able to express themselves as they see fit - and drive acceptance of that?