Page 26 | To tell child not to be in any photos without her sister

SpanishFork · 2025-04-10T11:17:02+00:00

I have issues with my in-laws excluding my eldest daughter who is my husband’s stepdaughter from photographs. This upsets my eldest. BiL has two sets of children with the elder ones in their twenties, I saw FiL talking to one of them and the nephew then chatted to the elder siblings and cousins and they then took turns to take photos. When my eldest took the photos instructions were given to her and it is ALWAYS these photos that appear at in-laws so pictures of bio grandchildren without my daughter. On Easter Saturday can I instruct my five year old not to stand in any photos with her cousins without her sister?

BeaAndBen · 13/04/2025 15:58

Isn’t setting up a savings account for their granddaughter a nice and generous thing to have done?

Ultimately, OP, you have to find a way for you and your daughter to be OK with the fact you had children with two men who reacted very, very differently to becoming a father.

One has nothing to do with his child, one is active and present and involved. And so is his family. You can’t blame them for the first bloke’s (and his family’s) total failure to your eldest.

Tandora · 13/04/2025 16:01

Tandora · 13/04/2025 15:56

I will be distancing her from them

👍🏻

Show quote history

Absolutely the right call. Your in-laws do not deserve the privilege of any place in your DD’s life xxx

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 13/04/2025 16:07

You keep contradicting yourself OP, on one hand you don't care, but have the ins & outs of how they spend their money.

Did you really expect them to open an account for your eldest DD?
Sorry but that sounds entitled and grabby.

Totally get you not wanting her to be treated differently but you have no idea about their financial situation.
You seem to despise them giving dd2 instead of celebrating it.

How about you match the deposits for DD1? At least you won't be doing it for 2 as thank goodness your in-laws do it for DD2.

Explain to your daughter the family dynamics.

What happens if you get divorced, do you expect them to be paying into an account and giving gifts?

Your anger is misdirected regarding money, it should be her own father and her GP ypu should be trying to foster relations with.

Whoarethoseguys · 13/04/2025 16:08

ladyamy · 10/04/2025 17:01

the thing is though, (not always but more often than not) step kids and half-siblings have another family, too.

This little girl doesn't though and OPs husband is to all intents and purposes her father.
I am from a blended family we were all treated the same. My mother was a step grandmother she treated those children the same as she treated mine, spent the same on presents and displayed their photos the same.
That is how decent adults behave towards children

Bunny65 · 13/04/2025 16:13

Whoarethoseguys · 13/04/2025 16:08

This little girl doesn't though and OPs husband is to all intents and purposes her father.
I am from a blended family we were all treated the same. My mother was a step grandmother she treated those children the same as she treated mine, spent the same on presents and displayed their photos the same.
That is how decent adults behave towards children

Show quote history

I could not agree more. I m not saying everything should be or could be totally equitable but that is surely a matter of common sense. However, pushing a little girl out of a party photograph and ignoring her birthday is plain nasty.

UndermyShoeJoe · 13/04/2025 16:14

Whoarethoseguys · 13/04/2025 16:08

This little girl doesn't though and OPs husband is to all intents and purposes her father.
I am from a blended family we were all treated the same. My mother was a step grandmother she treated those children the same as she treated mine, spent the same on presents and displayed their photos the same.
That is how decent adults behave towards children

Show quote history

But she doesn’t call him dad / stepdad so she doesn’t see him as her father or step father really.

It’s a deep rooted issue for her. Her embarrassment of not having a father seems very big if it’s upsetting letting a doctor know and being jealous/upset about even school friends who have a “normal” family.

Something has fed that strong feeling somewhere.

ChocolateAddictAlways · 13/04/2025 16:29

SpanishFork · 13/04/2025 15:38

I wasn’t going to come back as the thread seems to have taken on a life of its own,

To clarify, DH’s parents ensured all of their children were on the housing ladder including DH, before I was on the scene. However, his brother and sister had more help when upsizing.

In-laws stepped in when BiL got divorced then Within 6 months SiL had an extension which DH believes was paid for by parents who DH believes gave her equivalent what they gave BiL.

DH gets no help as ultimately DD1 would inherit.

They can do what they want with their money.

I want only that they do not treat her differently to her sister when she is with them,

While I don’t want their money or even gave their circumstances any thought whatsoever. I have to admit it jarred when she was six weeks old and went to register her birth and they asked us to get a copy of the birth certificate so they could set up a savings account for them.

They don’t acknowledge my eldest daughter’s birthday but my youngest gets a massive present.

I have to accept she is not their granddaughter and I will be distancing her from them.

Not even acknowledging her birthday feels unkind. I’m sorry that’s happened OP :(

DurinsBane · 13/04/2025 18:34

SpanishFork · 13/04/2025 15:38

I wasn’t going to come back as the thread seems to have taken on a life of its own,

To clarify, DH’s parents ensured all of their children were on the housing ladder including DH, before I was on the scene. However, his brother and sister had more help when upsizing.

In-laws stepped in when BiL got divorced then Within 6 months SiL had an extension which DH believes was paid for by parents who DH believes gave her equivalent what they gave BiL.

DH gets no help as ultimately DD1 would inherit.

They can do what they want with their money.

I want only that they do not treat her differently to her sister when she is with them,

While I don’t want their money or even gave their circumstances any thought whatsoever. I have to admit it jarred when she was six weeks old and went to register her birth and they asked us to get a copy of the birth certificate so they could set up a savings account for them.

They don’t acknowledge my eldest daughter’s birthday but my youngest gets a massive present.

I have to accept she is not their granddaughter and I will be distancing her from them.

Just to clarify, they haven’t given your DH extra money like they gave all his siblings, because they don’t want your eldest daughter to eventually inherit that extra money? If that is the case, they are very strange, that isn’t just not treating her as family, that is going out of their way to treat your husband differently purely because he treats a girl as his own!

Helpmeplease2025 · 13/04/2025 21:01

Why was it jarring that they set up a savings account for DC2. Surely you didn’t expect them to do this for DC1? Or would you have liked them to skip DC2, unlike all of her other cousins etc, because her mother had to another DC to another man years before?

MummytoE · 13/04/2025 22:44

@SpanishFork you don't know for sure exactly what the siblings got and you don't know for sure why they aren't giving your husband money..I think you are just assuming it's because of your daughter. Have you and your husband actually asked them for money and been refused?