Email from my ex husband...

[Arlanymor]

Dear Arlanymor, sincerely hope you are well. I need to know the date of our wedding because I have to fill in an X form. Are you able to remember please? Best regards, Ex Wanker.

Sent to my WORK email. Which means he had to look it up online.

I divorced him for adultery nearly two decades ago now. Also the clue is in 'our wedding' isn't it? You were there on the day dickhead. We haven't been in contact since 2019 when he kept coming up as having looked at my profile on LinkedIn and I got in touch via their messenger to ask him not to.

This has got me so angry. "Oh Arlanymor - do me a favour please? Even though I am a cheating arsehole and should be able to fill in forms without bothering/the assistance of my ex-wife." The date is on the decree absolute you absolute toilet goblin.

FUMING. FUMING. FUMING.

@Arlanymor you worked so hard to forget that part of your life that you cannot remember!

I vote for the very basic and formal - the date was ___ and give him completely the wrong date. It's on your work email so although tempting to call him a toilet goblin, I would try to remain professional.

Reply stating that you now charge for all administrative services and in order for you to access historical files there will be a charge of £7.99 to locate the information he requires.

Making it a small amount will infuriate him.

I'd be tempted to simply reply, 'Yes, I know the date. Kind regards, Arlanymor'.

Then block.

Screenshot your Decree Absolute and send it to him. Then block his email so he can't contact you again.

No way you should be doing free admin work for him - either delete and ignore (the high road) or from your personal (not work) email say that you would be delighted to undertake this administrative task for him and that your hourly rate is £150 an hour with a minimum half hour charge to be paid in advance by transfer.

It's just the laziness for me - he can easily put in a bit of effort and find the information himself. He'd just rather you do it for him. He's a grown man, I'm sure he can figure it out. Just totally ignore it.

Yes this is exactly it. He can find out - why use me (a) as a shortcut because he can't be arsed or (b) because for some stupid reason he wants to try and resume contact. Honestly not bitter, just put out and reeling a bit.

“For all life admin requests, please see your current wife.”

Oh no I am very aware of not sending anything bad from my work email. Toilet goblin is for Mumsnet!

I'd send a fake bounceback email which somehow incorporates the phrase "toilet goblin".

For the love of God don't reply with the answer.

Who are the mad women on here who think you should "just" do the life admin of your cheating ex husband who is now a total stranger to you?

I completely agree about no need to feel bitterness (or anything at all) about him but as a rule I don't accommodate the requests of incompetent/cheeky fucker strangers seeking to foist their dross work onto me. For one thing, you never get rid of them (individually or as a species!) once you start! May I commend this approach to life to you!

I would treat this as the junk email it is - no response is the best response.

“For £3 a digital image can be obtained online from GRO. Failing that, ask your mother.”

Ironically I don't have mine any more, it got lost in a house move.

“Dear Ex H,

Please do not contact me on this email address again. I’m afraid I can’t remember either. Good luck.”

I was going to say this too.

Nothing to add but howling at toilet goblin 😆😆

My vote is for a completely calm and civil either

Dear X
I can’t remember I’m afraid.
Best wishes
Y

Or
Dear X,
Yes - the date is (wrong date)
Best wishes
Y

I think it’s good to come across as helpful and not give him any satisfaction so would choose one of these. And then I’d block and not respond any further.

Pretend that someone else at work is managing your inbox. Write a pithy response that tells him to take a running jump

Have to be honest, I don’t remember when I got married. We’ve been married for nearly 20 years. I’m just bad at dates. I know it’s in June sometime but that’s it. Luckily my DH doesn’t overreact

I'd send one word. "Guess"

@Arlanymor

Just reply with the date. Nothing else.

Then you can forget about it, there's no need to cause more drama by giving him the wrong date or telling him to fuck off or any of the other witty replies, that just feeds into it.

You have a busy evening ahead, why give yourself something else to think about?

Obviously reopened old wounds. Congratulations on having the strength to leave your marriage

Just block and delete..those saying reply...no... don't let him reel you back in, he means nothing, so it is meaningless spam and not worth the effort or risk of being drawn into any potential conversation

Yes just a poke in a tender place, not a proper open flesh wound, but could have done without it.