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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Email from my ex husband...

458 replies

Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:12

Dear Arlanymor, sincerely hope you are well. I need to know the date of our wedding because I have to fill in an X form. Are you able to remember please? Best regards, Ex Wanker.

Sent to my WORK email. Which means he had to look it up online.

I divorced him for adultery nearly two decades ago now. Also the clue is in 'our wedding' isn't it? You were there on the day dickhead. We haven't been in contact since 2019 when he kept coming up as having looked at my profile on LinkedIn and I got in touch via their messenger to ask him not to.

This has got me so angry. "Oh Arlanymor - do me a favour please? Even though I am a cheating arsehole and should be able to fill in forms without bothering/the assistance of my ex-wife." The date is on the decree absolute you absolute toilet goblin.

FUMING. FUMING. FUMING.

OP posts:
Eggsboxedandmelting · 09/04/2025 17:34

Reply
Who's this?

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 09/04/2025 17:35

I’d be pissed off too. There are other ways he could find the information, but no he thinks the easiest option is to just ask you because of course he expects you to still be there ready to make his life easier whenever he demands. Just ignore the email. Do the thing where you report it as spam so future messages go straight to junk. And stop giving it any more headspace.

Original poster
Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:35

SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 09/04/2025 17:33

Are you going to reply?

I'm going to sleep on it to be honest. I have a busy evening tonight and I don't want to make a rush decision. Plus I value opinions from this place and what others would do. "Who dis?" actually made me laugh out loud!

I know the date of course.

OP posts:
JackieDaytonaLuckyBrews · 09/04/2025 17:36

Ignore, block his email address/spam folder it, and delete. Don't give it a second thought.

Helleborer · 09/04/2025 17:37

IGNORE

BeakyFlinders · 09/04/2025 17:38

Delete. Let him do the work. He’ll have to get a copy of the certificate.

BeakyFlinders · 09/04/2025 17:38

Oh yes give him the wrong date!!!

VickyEadieofThigh · 09/04/2025 17:39

I would be torn between sending the wrong date and saying I can't remember. But do one of those.

Singleaftermarriage · 09/04/2025 17:40

I split with my ex 2 years ago due to adultery. I have to see him due to kids. We are divorced now. He asks me stupid questions a lot as he is useless and a man child. I answer eventually because I never ever want him to think I even think about him enough that he can get under my skin.

My reply would be

Dear .....
The date was...
Kind regards

Me

It will bother him that you can be so "whatever". It always does with people like that

diddl · 09/04/2025 17:42

"No, I can't remember either".

Did you know it was from him before you read it?

If so, just delete in future?

Basketslipper · 09/04/2025 17:42

Just me who needs to know what kind of form requires the date of a marriage that ended 20 years ago?

I mean obviously it's madness, but really just send the date. It's been 20 years, why hold on to all the bitterness, who is that harming? I mean that genuinely. He doesn't care. Just do it and be done with it.

littlepammie70 · 09/04/2025 17:42

Can't get rid of the idiots can you. I've been divorced for 12 years and XH still thinks I'm doing his life admin, he messaged me last week asking for his private pension details, can I just send them to him???!!! I just replied 'I haven't had that information for years'. To be honest I probably have got some of it in my divorce paperwork but I'm not making the effort to look for it 😏. Just reminds me why I got rid of him.

Original poster
Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:44

diddl · 09/04/2025 17:42

"No, I can't remember either".

Did you know it was from him before you read it?

If so, just delete in future?

No because his first name is the same as one of my colleagues and I was waiting for a message from that person, so I clicked on the notification almost on autopilot really. Penny then dropped when I got to the second line of the message and I looked to the email footer and, yes, definitely him.

OP posts:
IAmNeverThePerson · 09/04/2025 17:44

love toilet goblin! I’d just delete his email (and then set a rule to move all future ones to junk).

viques · 09/04/2025 17:44

Tell him you have now had several marriages and can’t remember which one his was. Give him three dates to choose from.

nomas · 09/04/2025 17:44

It’s likely he already knows it and is using this as an excuse to make contact. Or to see if you deem the date important enough to remember it.

Block and delete.

Let him go to the trouble of paying for a copy of your marriage certificate.

BlackStrayCat · 09/04/2025 17:45

He wants you to know he is getting remarried.

I put YABU as it shouldnt make you this bothered.

Ignore and delete.

NeedToChangeName · 09/04/2025 17:45

Take the moral high ground

Just reply with the date, no drama

Original poster
Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:45

Basketslipper · 09/04/2025 17:42

Just me who needs to know what kind of form requires the date of a marriage that ended 20 years ago?

I mean obviously it's madness, but really just send the date. It's been 20 years, why hold on to all the bitterness, who is that harming? I mean that genuinely. He doesn't care. Just do it and be done with it.

I left that bit out. It's an official form. It's not bitterness, that's not the emotion I am feeling, just taken aback that he can be so glib.

OP posts:
BananasInPyjamasAreRunningDownTheStairs · 09/04/2025 17:46

Dear Toilet Goblin

By my understanding it was April 1st but you might want to double check. Please note, I can't respond to any more emails on this subject due to our corporate firewall

Best Regards

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 09/04/2025 17:46

Cheeky bugger.
I'd be inclined to reply hi, I think it was around the end of whatever month but im not sure, you'd probably best check your documents.

Original poster
Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:46

BlackStrayCat · 09/04/2025 17:45

He wants you to know he is getting remarried.

I put YABU as it shouldnt make you this bothered.

Ignore and delete.

No he's already remarried and has been for quite some time. Doesn't bother me at all. It's the shock as I said - I don't think people should just waltz into other's inboxes and not even acknowledge that they are being cheeky. He needed the decree absolute to get remarried - the date is on there.

OP posts:
TheCurious0range · 09/04/2025 17:46

You appear to have reached the wrong Arlanymor, I've never been married to anyone other than my current husband, who knows when our anniversary is. I suggest you consult the marriages register rather than try to contact who I assume to be your ex or current wife, neither of whom I'd imagine would be thrilled to be asked this question.

Original poster
Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:46

viques · 09/04/2025 17:44

Tell him you have now had several marriages and can’t remember which one his was. Give him three dates to choose from.

This made me snort - thank you!

OP posts:
diddl · 09/04/2025 17:47

It's been 20 years, why hold on to all the bitterness,

It's not necessarily bitterness is it?

He has access to the info via the decree absolute just as easily as Op.

For some reason he cba to look even though it's info that he needs & Op doesn't!