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AIBU?

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Original poster

Email from my ex husband...

458 replies

Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:12

Dear Arlanymor, sincerely hope you are well. I need to know the date of our wedding because I have to fill in an X form. Are you able to remember please? Best regards, Ex Wanker.

Sent to my WORK email. Which means he had to look it up online.

I divorced him for adultery nearly two decades ago now. Also the clue is in 'our wedding' isn't it? You were there on the day dickhead. We haven't been in contact since 2019 when he kept coming up as having looked at my profile on LinkedIn and I got in touch via their messenger to ask him not to.

This has got me so angry. "Oh Arlanymor - do me a favour please? Even though I am a cheating arsehole and should be able to fill in forms without bothering/the assistance of my ex-wife." The date is on the decree absolute you absolute toilet goblin.

FUMING. FUMING. FUMING.

OP posts:
OhcantthInkofaname · 10/04/2025 21:44

I like the "who dis" response!!!

FindingNeverland28 · 10/04/2025 21:46

I would reply, but make it look like an automated response.

“Your email has not been received. The recipient is unable to receive emails from adulterous toilet goblins.”

Azureshores · 10/04/2025 21:47

Tbf I can never remember if we married on the 28th or 29th of July and it was only 4 years ago!

Hotflushesandchilblains · 10/04/2025 21:48

FindingNeverland28 · 10/04/2025 21:46

I would reply, but make it look like an automated response.

“Your email has not been received. The recipient is unable to receive emails from adulterous toilet goblins.”

This is bloody genius!

InTheWindow · 10/04/2025 22:13

My ex got the date of our wedding and separation wrong when he applied for legal aid to divorce me. Shouldn’t really have surprised me, he could never remember my birthday either, and despite all the displays in shops Mother’s Day always caught him by surprise.

OVienna · 10/04/2025 22:35

April 1st, tell him.

GarlicSmile · 10/04/2025 22:42

Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:31

I did wonder about that because it's on the bloody decree absolute! I think that's why it gave me a bit of a lurch in my stomach because he absolutely can get that information in other ways.

Show quote history

I haven't got my decree absolute or marriage certificate. It's a bummer because some entities unexpectedly require the evidence.

However, I didn't contact my ex-twat (or toilet goblin 😂). You could suggest doing what I did - go on Ancestry to find the details!

SinnerBoy · 10/04/2025 22:50

Your next reply ought to be along the lines of:

Actually, I've only ever seen the decree nisi. I have no memory of a decree absolute.

Then radio silence for a bit...

Mystifiedandnotsoancient · 10/04/2025 22:54

viques · 09/04/2025 17:44

Tell him you have now had several marriages and can’t remember which one his was. Give him three dates to choose from.

Absolutely this 💯

SwornToSilence · 10/04/2025 23:08

Set up a rule in your mailbox moving his mail, unopened, to a folder called Toilet Goblin, then laugh each time the unopened message number rises.

Pippyls67 · 10/04/2025 23:11

Love the suggestion to reply ‘sorry I genuinely can’t remember’

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 10/04/2025 23:25

Aliflowers · 09/04/2025 17:18

I’d reply I can’t remember.

That's what I'd say too. I'd reply, Dear adulterer, I really can't remember. I tend to only remember the good times in my life. Ta-ta!

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 10/04/2025 23:28

viques · 09/04/2025 17:44

Tell him you have now had several marriages and can’t remember which one his was. Give him three dates to choose from.

And none of them should be the correct one. I mean, he's an adulterer, so he must enjoy getting fucked around.

TimeConsuming · 10/04/2025 23:53

Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:12

Dear Arlanymor, sincerely hope you are well. I need to know the date of our wedding because I have to fill in an X form. Are you able to remember please? Best regards, Ex Wanker.

Sent to my WORK email. Which means he had to look it up online.

I divorced him for adultery nearly two decades ago now. Also the clue is in 'our wedding' isn't it? You were there on the day dickhead. We haven't been in contact since 2019 when he kept coming up as having looked at my profile on LinkedIn and I got in touch via their messenger to ask him not to.

This has got me so angry. "Oh Arlanymor - do me a favour please? Even though I am a cheating arsehole and should be able to fill in forms without bothering/the assistance of my ex-wife." The date is on the decree absolute you absolute toilet goblin.

FUMING. FUMING. FUMING.

Ignore or “No, I can’t.”

YANBU to have any emotional reaction, there’s no right way to process that kind of hurt however long ago. Some people get past things really fast and others carry them in some form for a long time/ever.

I hope this brings you a step closer to peace.

Cornoffthecob · 11/04/2025 00:13

I would reply ‘sorry I don't remember insignificant events in my life’

Isabellivi · 11/04/2025 05:23

I think he’s hovering g you, seeing if he has a chance. Pathetic! Unless you still fancy him… secretly !

Surgz · 11/04/2025 06:09

Ignore or respond Sorry can't remember

Surgz · 11/04/2025 06:11

Ignore or respond Sorry cant remember

ej8888 · 11/04/2025 08:53

Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:12

Dear Arlanymor, sincerely hope you are well. I need to know the date of our wedding because I have to fill in an X form. Are you able to remember please? Best regards, Ex Wanker.

Sent to my WORK email. Which means he had to look it up online.

I divorced him for adultery nearly two decades ago now. Also the clue is in 'our wedding' isn't it? You were there on the day dickhead. We haven't been in contact since 2019 when he kept coming up as having looked at my profile on LinkedIn and I got in touch via their messenger to ask him not to.

This has got me so angry. "Oh Arlanymor - do me a favour please? Even though I am a cheating arsehole and should be able to fill in forms without bothering/the assistance of my ex-wife." The date is on the decree absolute you absolute toilet goblin.

FUMING. FUMING. FUMING.

It's a shame they dont have singing telegrams where they sing in a passive agressive style and then throw a bucket of water over the target. Would be deserved. You're not being unreasonable, do ignore it as prreviously advised.

Original poster
Arlanymor · 11/04/2025 08:54

YourBestFriend · 10/04/2025 18:28

So you lied.
There was only one way to come out of this gracefully and it was by not replying at all and put the pressure back on him.

Show quote history

Yes I lied about the wedding date. Like he did repeatedly during his affair. My conscience is clear. I outlined how he would have been likely to respond to a non-reply and that would have entangled my work in things which I did not want.

OP posts:
Original poster
Arlanymor · 11/04/2025 08:57

EdithBond · 10/04/2025 20:04

Well done, OP. Hopefully, will shut him down. I’d have ignored and explained to my workplace he doesn’t have my permission to contact me at work. So if he’d tried another route, he’d have received an officious reply. Workplaces should have policies for supporting and protecting survivors of domestic abuse.

If I had to reply to avoid him trying other routes, I’d have said: “I can’t help you. Do not contact me again”. Unless you want to leave the door open to him contacting you (e.g. on some important matter) best to be assertive in making clear to him he doesn’t have your permission.

The CF. “Hope you are well by the way?” The audacity. Obviously no sense of shame or responsibility for his actions. As if you believe or care that he hopes you’re well. And “by the way?” - an insulting, vacuous afterthought.

Also, how do you even know it’s him? Or is it an original email address. Or the general CFery?

Show quote history

Oh definitely him - his job title and the place he works are synonymous with where we used to live and his type of profession.

I should also have said that we have a weird IT set up at work as it is outsourced - so I can't block myself, I have to request them to do it and raise it as a job. I currently have three jobs outstanding with them - it doesn't happen fast unfortunately.

OP posts:
Original poster
Arlanymor · 11/04/2025 08:58

Isabellivi · 11/04/2025 05:23

I think he’s hovering g you, seeing if he has a chance. Pathetic! Unless you still fancy him… secretly !

Oh definitely no residual fancying - I would rather have a threesome with Donald Trump, Elon Musk and Nigel Farage!

OP posts:
Vodkamummy · 11/04/2025 10:11

Give the date 6th June 06

Fernticket · 11/04/2025 10:14

SpringIsSpringing25 · 10/04/2025 13:54

No, I am not spectacularly missing the point.

I simply don't agree with you.

In MY opinion, it would have been far easier to have just replied with the date then it was all over and done with in a few seconds.

There are other email addresses he could try and other ways he could try to contact her if he wants to dragging out the whole drama.

You are entitled to your opinion. You can say you disagree with my opinion. But I am not spectacularly missing the point because I don't agree with you.

Show quote history

Will you two please take your argument somewhere else and stop derailing the thread!

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 11/04/2025 10:24

They’ve been divorced for almost 20 years and yet people think OP should do his “wife work”. Absolutely fucking not. Well done for shutting him down, OP.

This thread is infuriating.