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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Email from my ex husband...

458 replies

Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:12

Dear Arlanymor, sincerely hope you are well. I need to know the date of our wedding because I have to fill in an X form. Are you able to remember please? Best regards, Ex Wanker.

Sent to my WORK email. Which means he had to look it up online.

I divorced him for adultery nearly two decades ago now. Also the clue is in 'our wedding' isn't it? You were there on the day dickhead. We haven't been in contact since 2019 when he kept coming up as having looked at my profile on LinkedIn and I got in touch via their messenger to ask him not to.

This has got me so angry. "Oh Arlanymor - do me a favour please? Even though I am a cheating arsehole and should be able to fill in forms without bothering/the assistance of my ex-wife." The date is on the decree absolute you absolute toilet goblin.

FUMING. FUMING. FUMING.

OP posts:
laraitopbanana · 10/04/2025 18:12

He wrote whhhaaaattt???
« Can you please remind me the date of our marriage? »

😂😂😂

Please do not respond AND show it to all your colleagues to prove what an angel you have been to have had to suffer such a person 😏

Retiredfromearlyyears · 10/04/2025 18:12

😆 Tell him it was so memorable you have forgotten!

NeedaplanNeedtogo · 10/04/2025 18:22

Also guffawing at toilet goblin. Don't reply, mark it as the SPAM it is, and continue on enjoying life without him.

YourBestFriend · 10/04/2025 18:28

Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 09:45

Morning all - really appreciate your responses. To answer issues raised throughout the thread.

  1. Remarriage - he's already done that, I don't think it's about this, it's a military clearance issue and I don't think he is making it up, I think he genuinely does need to know it.
  2. If he's gone to the trouble of finding out my work email then he could very well have found out this information himself and that's what he is going to do - I am NOT going to tell him, based on his behaviour and utter cheek.
  3. I rarely think about him, I don't spend my life in sackcloth and ashes - but his name randomly popping up in the middle of a stressful work day put a jolt of shock through me and made me understandably angry - before this I have barely even thought about him in the past two decades.
  4. We have an info@ WORK email address - shared by most of our team - and I wouldn't put it past him to try and contact me in that way if I don't reply - so to save that happening I will reply, this is what I intend to send:

I don't remember either.

Four words, that's it.

So you lied.
There was only one way to come out of this gracefully and it was by not replying at all and put the pressure back on him.

AngelicKaty · 10/04/2025 18:40

YourBestFriend · 10/04/2025 18:28

So you lied.
There was only one way to come out of this gracefully and it was by not replying at all and put the pressure back on him.

Show quote history

RTFT. OP's posted 12 more times since the post you've responded to, so your snarky reply hasn't aged well (in a very short space of time!). 🙄

queenMab99 · 10/04/2025 18:47

I understand your feelings. For one reason or another, 2 sons, grandchildren, christenings etc. I was obliged to keep in contact occasionally with my (toilet goblin) ex. The passing of time, grandchildren grown, has meant that I saw him less and less, until now 30 years later I haven't seen him for at least 5 years,and have realised that a big lump of stressful baggage has gone. If he suddenly popped up for an unnecessary reason I would be furious!

FifiFiadh · 10/04/2025 18:48

Reply: Who is this?

Theunamedcat · 10/04/2025 18:53

FifiFiadh · 10/04/2025 18:48

Reply: Who is this?

Bit late now for the op

but I've actually done this to my ex he changed numbers didn't tell me sent me a huge rant about child support having the audacity to expect him to pay for his own children I sent back who is this?

It did not go down well

Riaanna · 10/04/2025 18:55

Katemax82 · 09/04/2025 17:26

My husband of 25 years can't remember our wedding date

Really?

AltitudeCheck · 10/04/2025 18:59

I stopped being involved in sorting your life admin as of <insert divorce date> remember?

SnowFrogJelly · 10/04/2025 19:03

Toilet goblin! 😂

Isinglass20 · 10/04/2025 19:04

If OP responds he’ll come back and ask if she’ll send him a copy.

Pallisers · 10/04/2025 19:05

If I were you I'd reply really nicely - wishing him well and everything ... and give him the wrong date.

CriticalCritter · 10/04/2025 19:07

I’d reply telling him unfortunately you can’t remember either.

ByLemonSwan · 10/04/2025 19:10

I would have just given the date and moved on. No pleasantries, just the date and year. Simple as that. It's been 2 decades and you're still angry. It ain't worth it.

Marosanne · 10/04/2025 19:16

What a pr*ck

Fogey · 10/04/2025 19:20

UndermyShoeJoe · 09/04/2025 17:19

Sorry who’s this?

block and delete 🤣

Absolutely!

fetchacloth · 10/04/2025 19:21

What an A hole.
Honestly you're well rid of him 😎

SerafinasGoose · 10/04/2025 19:23

So he emailed again, before you'd had chance to reply the first time? Peak CF. No wonder you were pissed off.

In our home life admin, housework and parenting are all joint tasks. If I don't do wifework for my actual husband, the hell would I do it for an entitled ex! A second inquiry into your wellbeing does tend to suggest he might have been trying to open a dialogue, so in view of this your reply hits the mark pretty well. The only response he'd have got from me is silence, but hopefully from this point he will reward you with the courtesy of his.

The thread's an eye-opener, though. It's surprising how many women would immediately capitulate to the entitled demands of whiny, lazy men. Others will treat you as you allow yourself to be treated.

CrystalMighty · 10/04/2025 19:24

Toilet goblin 😂😅😂
Isn't he just. 🚽

OneMintWasp · 10/04/2025 19:29

Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 12:05

He's mentioned why and I think it's legitimate, but it's a military thing so I don't want to go into too much detail on here. He should really get hold of another copy and that's what he'll have to do.

Show quote history

I believe his reason for needing it. My husband often has to have high level security clearance and that even requires names of anyone he used to live with in a house share / rental. But yes, he could have found it another way. It's an excuse to make contact. I'd be annoyed too. X

Rottweilermummy · 10/04/2025 19:30

Personally I would just answer the correct date , nothing else . My husband of 3 years can't always remember the date of ours , lol 🙄🤣

TheseCalmSeas · 10/04/2025 19:39

Rottweilermummy · 10/04/2025 19:30

Personally I would just answer the correct date , nothing else . My husband of 3 years can't always remember the date of ours , lol 🙄🤣

That’s sad and not your responsibility to remind him

Well done OP. Handled beautifully 👏🏼

Tontostitis · 10/04/2025 19:43

I'd write back and say I'm glad you got on contact as I've recently found out that we aren't legally divorced. Would appreciate you sorting that out. Then block him.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 10/04/2025 19:44

YourBestFriend · 10/04/2025 18:28

So you lied.
There was only one way to come out of this gracefully and it was by not replying at all and put the pressure back on him.

Show quote history

Oh come on, she clearly said why she had to reply - he’s the type to try contacting her again but more publicly.

I think she handled it very well, she shut it down and clearly communicated that she’s not there to do his admin anymore.

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