Email from my ex husband...

[Arlanymor]

Dear Arlanymor, sincerely hope you are well. I need to know the date of our wedding because I have to fill in an X form. Are you able to remember please? Best regards, Ex Wanker.

Sent to my WORK email. Which means he had to look it up online.

I divorced him for adultery nearly two decades ago now. Also the clue is in 'our wedding' isn't it? You were there on the day dickhead. We haven't been in contact since 2019 when he kept coming up as having looked at my profile on LinkedIn and I got in touch via their messenger to ask him not to.

This has got me so angry. "Oh Arlanymor - do me a favour please? Even though I am a cheating arsehole and should be able to fill in forms without bothering/the assistance of my ex-wife." The date is on the decree absolute you absolute toilet goblin.

FUMING. FUMING. FUMING.

Not lol, at all. Thats actually really sad.

I like this one! Because I’m very petty, tbf.

Nasty man ! This kind of man should not know any of your details !
thats why he sent it to your work email that he has .
its disgusting and I understand how even if you try not to let it get to you . You are 100% correct it's rubbing old wounds that you pray never to remember but please ignorance is the best for idiots like this !
take care

Of course it made you angry - why wouldn't it?

I get angry with people who piss me off. It certainly doesn't mean I've ever been in love with them!

I don't know what is wrong with some people on this thread!

@Arlanymor tell him you don't remember and then mark his email as junk so he can't message you again.

I'm glad he's shut up after your last reply. Clearly he was hoping for interaction beyond you carrying out his bloody admin for him. I imagine he thought you'd be thrilled he'd made contact with you after so long and would be keen on a catch up 😂. Hopefully that's the last you'll ever hear from him.

After me saying I’m indifferent to my ex (I am) something has cropped up that has annoyed me too (I guess my indifference is not immune to annoyance). I have already plotted my little payback (I won’t say revenge) when the opportunity crops up in the future.

I think you’re handling it very well.

Isn't it just.

It seems to fall into two camps, and god knows I've been there myself:

1. Those who have truly never considered that women do not owe lazy, entitled men (especially those who have treated them like dirt) their time and labour.
2. Those who think women's time and effort can be portioned off piecemeal to said men to appease them and avoid worse (and who are poised to be utterly bewildered when their toilet goblin starts jackbooting into Poland nonetheless).

It's an actual effort to fight the way most of us are socialised and just refuse to engage.

Well done, OP. Hopefully, will shut him down. I’d have ignored and explained to my workplace he doesn’t have my permission to contact me at work. So if he’d tried another route, he’d have received an officious reply. Workplaces should have policies for supporting and protecting survivors of domestic abuse.

If I had to reply to avoid him trying other routes, I’d have said: “I can’t help you. Do not contact me again”. Unless you want to leave the door open to him contacting you (e.g. on some important matter) best to be assertive in making clear to him he doesn’t have your permission.

The CF. “Hope you are well by the way?” The audacity. Obviously no sense of shame or responsibility for his actions. As if you believe or care that he hopes you’re well. And “by the way?” - an insulting, vacuous afterthought.

Also, how do you even know it’s him? Or is it an original email address. Or the general CFery?

Definitely reply with the wrong date and be adamant about it if he queries. For a laugh and to cause trouble, might as well make lemonade 😊

After 20 years I’d be struggling to remember his name no matter how much he hurt me 🤣 block and move on. Don’t let him take up anymore headspace.

People really need to learn the difference between not letting go of hurt from 20 years ago and being irritated at something that happened today. He was disrespectful and tone deaf.

We haven't been in contact since 2019 when he kept coming up as having looked at my profile on LinkedIn and I got in touch via their messenger to ask him not to.

I wouldn't have messaged him then. The block facility on LinkedIn is there for a reason.

OP
just reply and say you can’t remember either!

Amazing that two decades after a marriage, the wife is still responsible for the life admin in his head!!

Can totally understand why reading it was jarring @Arlanymor .

Give the Tosser the wrong date.

Get your line manager to deal with this perhaps.
Get them to tell him not to harass staff

😂 When my ex-husband asked (through our son) for a copy of our divorce papers so he could get remarried, I took great pleasure in telling him to go and order his own. I’m not normally petty like that but he’d never paid CMS so why should I save him a tenner when he won’t even pay money he’s legally obliged to?!! Oh how DH and I laughed 😝

I would be (having cleared with manager first) replying with dear toilet goblin this email is strictly for business purposes and personal data is strictly prohibited from being shared

Fingers crossed for you.you don’t need that kind of game in your life 😊

I had a friend (oveseas) whose arse of an ex, after not paying a penny in maintenance for 14 years, had to change his status with his military service which brought this to light. His superiors ordered him to pay and he had the effrontery to contact her and ask her to let him off. She took great pleasure in refusing and in spending the money he had to pay her. She, like OP, was not particularly dwelling on the past - it was the sheer bloody CF behaviour that she was reacting to. I would not have lied either, OP, but think I would have kept my response to 'look it up'.

👌🤣🤣

I don't think it's that at all. He needed the information, and chose the easiest/fee free route, without considering your feelings on any level (you won't have crossed his mind once since he emailed, other than to check if you'd provided the info yet). You've given it way too much head space. I'm not saying this to be cruel btw, quite the opposite - dwelling on it has been pointless, and has affected your mood (if you continue dwelling, it will continue to affect your mood).

“I can’t remember” is the best reply.

It doesn’t look petty and won’t make him think he still bothers you. He’ll just think you can’t remember like he can’t.
And will also make him realise that you don’t give a stuff about the date of the wedding if you can’t remember it.

Brilliant description 🤣@

I genuinely can’t remember the date of my wedding in the late 1990s so I would have had to say the twelfth of never.