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AIBU?

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Original poster

Email from my ex husband...

458 replies

Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:12

Dear Arlanymor, sincerely hope you are well. I need to know the date of our wedding because I have to fill in an X form. Are you able to remember please? Best regards, Ex Wanker.

Sent to my WORK email. Which means he had to look it up online.

I divorced him for adultery nearly two decades ago now. Also the clue is in 'our wedding' isn't it? You were there on the day dickhead. We haven't been in contact since 2019 when he kept coming up as having looked at my profile on LinkedIn and I got in touch via their messenger to ask him not to.

This has got me so angry. "Oh Arlanymor - do me a favour please? Even though I am a cheating arsehole and should be able to fill in forms without bothering/the assistance of my ex-wife." The date is on the decree absolute you absolute toilet goblin.

FUMING. FUMING. FUMING.

OP posts:
Original poster
Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 15:56

JustMyView13 · 10/04/2025 15:48

Good for you! What a CF thinking he can just swan into your life like this.

Indeed he is:

a) Do my admin for me
b) You don't mind if I stir up memories do you? I did say "I hope you're well!"

Cretinous Maximus.

OP posts:
StrangerThings1 · 10/04/2025 16:02

Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 15:56

Indeed he is:

a) Do my admin for me
b) You don't mind if I stir up memories do you? I did say "I hope you're well!"

Cretinous Maximus.

Show quote history

Cretinous Maximus 😂😂

JHound · 10/04/2025 17:34

Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 09:45

Morning all - really appreciate your responses. To answer issues raised throughout the thread.

  1. Remarriage - he's already done that, I don't think it's about this, it's a military clearance issue and I don't think he is making it up, I think he genuinely does need to know it.
  2. If he's gone to the trouble of finding out my work email then he could very well have found out this information himself and that's what he is going to do - I am NOT going to tell him, based on his behaviour and utter cheek.
  3. I rarely think about him, I don't spend my life in sackcloth and ashes - but his name randomly popping up in the middle of a stressful work day put a jolt of shock through me and made me understandably angry - before this I have barely even thought about him in the past two decades.
  4. We have an info@ WORK email address - shared by most of our team - and I wouldn't put it past him to try and contact me in that way if I don't reply - so to save that happening I will reply, this is what I intend to send:

I don't remember either.

Four words, that's it.

Given he could have emailed your collective mailbox I LOVE this response :)

JHound · 10/04/2025 17:36

Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 15:33

So before I could send my response, he followed up with: I know it's THIS month and THIS year, but I can't remember the DAY is it this DAY?

So I responded: I can't remember. It will be on your decree absolute.

He replied: Yup, I can't find it. Also do you know the date of the decree absolute and location? Hope you are well by the way?

So I replied: I don't have any paperwork anymore. I have tried my best to forget all about it and you know why that is. You should have all of this from when you remarried - if you don't, then you need to apply for the paperwork again.

He's shut up now.

Oh sorry - saw the update. The cheek of this man.

The Cheek, The Nerve, The Audacity and The Gumption!

Mikey87 · 10/04/2025 17:43

You broke up 2 decades ago, what are you fuming about?? Unless there are children involved just ignore it and carry on with your life.

C36M · 10/04/2025 17:43

Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:12

Dear Arlanymor, sincerely hope you are well. I need to know the date of our wedding because I have to fill in an X form. Are you able to remember please? Best regards, Ex Wanker.

Sent to my WORK email. Which means he had to look it up online.

I divorced him for adultery nearly two decades ago now. Also the clue is in 'our wedding' isn't it? You were there on the day dickhead. We haven't been in contact since 2019 when he kept coming up as having looked at my profile on LinkedIn and I got in touch via their messenger to ask him not to.

This has got me so angry. "Oh Arlanymor - do me a favour please? Even though I am a cheating arsehole and should be able to fill in forms without bothering/the assistance of my ex-wife." The date is on the decree absolute you absolute toilet goblin.

FUMING. FUMING. FUMING.

It sounds like you may need some counselling if something like this is causing a reaction like this 20 years later. If you know the date just send it. Don’t let him see you are still bothered

LyingSmilingInTheDark · 10/04/2025 17:45

C36M · 10/04/2025 17:43

It sounds like you may need some counselling if something like this is causing a reaction like this 20 years later. If you know the date just send it. Don’t let him see you are still bothered

Show quote history

ODFOD.

And RTFT.

Beccaboo0979 · 10/04/2025 17:51

Mark as spam and continue enjoying life without the 'toilet- goblin' 😆

Billybea · 10/04/2025 17:52

UndermyShoeJoe · 09/04/2025 17:19

Sorry who’s this?

block and delete 🤣

Love it!!! Perfect!

hazelowens · 10/04/2025 17:55

My ex has all 5 of his kids names and dates of births on his arm. He will never forget out wedding date it his birthday, he married the woman before me on the 12th and so he wouldn't marry him an a black Friday. Last year it was a black Friday and he turned 60. I was shocked he never married this one let.

SparklesGlitter · 10/04/2025 17:55

Ignore, OR suggest he uses tree age practice and count the wrinkles on his face that have appeared since he made the choices he made, back date them by some, then use clues such as were there leaves, blossom, Christmas trees around then? That’ll give him the month, then he needs to get down the pub (or gym, or whatever floats his boat) with a load of ping pong balls numbered to 31 and get someone to draw the number of the month…Then hit block

JennyBG · 10/04/2025 17:57

Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:31

I did wonder about that because it's on the bloody decree absolute! I think that's why it gave me a bit of a lurch in my stomach because he absolutely can get that information in other ways.

Show quote history

Do you think that maybe he can’t find his decree absolute? I found my now husband’s in the bin before we were actually married, and I fished it out, as he would need it for us to get married. He throws stuff out all the time, and I have to surreptitiously rescue it 😂. I’d tell him to p!ss off.

ClairDeLaLune · 10/04/2025 17:57

“absolute toilet goblin” 😂😂😂 brilliant OP, please use that in your reply to him

Original poster
Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 17:59

Mikey87 · 10/04/2025 17:43

You broke up 2 decades ago, what are you fuming about?? Unless there are children involved just ignore it and carry on with your life.

Because he’s a rude cheeky bastard. Rude cheeky bastards get my back up, which is a normal reaction. Also you really need to catch up on the thread, you’re way behind…

OP posts:
SparklesGlitter · 10/04/2025 17:59

I’ve just read some replies…it’s been a long day 🤦🏻‍♀️
I reckon his life has gone in the sh*tter somehow and he’s scoping out if you still think about him

JustFeedMeCake · 10/04/2025 18:01

Aliflowers · 09/04/2025 17:18

I’d reply I can’t remember.

Yes! 😂

Original poster
Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 18:03

SparklesGlitter · 10/04/2025 17:59

I’ve just read some replies…it’s been a long day 🤦🏻‍♀️
I reckon his life has gone in the sh*tter somehow and he’s scoping out if you still think about him

Edited

Possibly, but I think I have made it abundantly clear that I don’t. He’s not responded since, so hopefully that has shut everything down.

OP posts:
strawlight · 10/04/2025 18:05

I’d be tempted to give him the exact date (and time) and full address (with GPS coordinates) for the decree absolute…

LisbonJacaranda · 10/04/2025 18:05

Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:46

This made me snort - thank you!

Show quote history

Please do this!

PoshHorseyBird · 10/04/2025 18:06

IrritatedEarthling · 09/04/2025 17:19

Yanbu to use the term toilet goblin.

Give him the wrong date 🤡

Ohhh this!!
I was going to say to reply 'I can't remember ' but the wrong date is so much better 🤣

Ihaveneedofwaternear · 10/04/2025 18:06

I don't get all the people on this thread who don't get it. It's nothing to do with the past or OP still being hung up on him. He's just been a total cheeky fuck. After treating the OP badly, he shouldn't have the brass neck to email out the blue for a casual favour. Doesn't matter how long ago or how over it everyone is, he was a dick to her in the past and should be too embarrassed to just drop in with an email of "do this for me, save me the work, oh and hope you're good? 👍"

EdgyGreyUser · 10/04/2025 18:06

thesnailandthewhale · 09/04/2025 17:15

Thank your lucky stars you are free of him xx

Yes, agreed with you.

Original poster
Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 18:08

Ihaveneedofwaternear · 10/04/2025 18:06

I don't get all the people on this thread who don't get it. It's nothing to do with the past or OP still being hung up on him. He's just been a total cheeky fuck. After treating the OP badly, he shouldn't have the brass neck to email out the blue for a casual favour. Doesn't matter how long ago or how over it everyone is, he was a dick to her in the past and should be too embarrassed to just drop in with an email of "do this for me, save me the work, oh and hope you're good? 👍"

Thank you and exactly. This is about his behaviour now, which is really bloody cheeky and exceptionally selfish.

OP posts:
HeChokedOnAChorizo · 10/04/2025 18:10

Nicely done OP, not given him any info and shutting him down from asking again.

And I think you had every reason to be angry despite the length of time.

LonelyFooleightyfour · 10/04/2025 18:12

Hit spam