DS(8) not invited to party

[idontunderstandwhy]

Dh used to compete and be a sports coach so we have a section of our garden built up and dedicated to that sport. He just teaches our dc and they play there now.

Ds has mostly had garden parties and then and on play dates his friends play there also.

Mum of one of his friends at a past play date mentioned her ds would love to learn do the sport and do something like this for his birthday but couldn’t find anywhere near.
Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else.

It was then agreed her ds could have his party in our garden and borrow equipment we had but that obviously over wise party organising is her responsibility. She has other entertainment, food arranged ect, party is quite soon.

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead. And as it’s an out of school friend he would only know a few of kids anyway.

She never specifically said ds was invited we just assumed and we probably agreed based on that assumption.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion.

AIBU it’s only fair ds goes?

I’m massively over invested. Please update!

Indeed. At that age all of my parties were at home (we had quite a bit of space). I didn't really want my younger sisters there, but realised I couldn't be playing party games and eating party food and cake in what was their house too while they stayed upstairs.

Of course it worked both ways until I was old enough to knack off for the afternoon.

Hi OP , after reading your post there could be another issue with you allowing this party to proceed, if one of the children hurt themselves you could be liable. If her kid gets hurt she sounds like the type who would sue…might be one way of getting out of the party. She sounds like a complete wagon!!! Best stay clear . Gosh you sound like a really lovely person to consider doing this for her.

Definitely tell her ds will not be sitting indoors while his friends use his garden. He has to be included in the party. If she would rather find somewhere else she can.

I cant believe how cheeky she is!

And then if you were party mum you'd tell your DS to cop on as the party is being held in OPs house so he invites OPs son or no party.
OP this woman is not your friend. She is vile.

"She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead."

Wtaf. Kids have activity parties all the time, with kids who are much better at the activity. Football parties with kids who play for academies etc. It doesn't 'take the shine' off the birthday child, it doesn't take the attention off them.

She can't really think that 8 year olds who are invited to Olivers party, have bought Oliver a present, have written Oliver a card, are going to getbto a party and because its not at Olivers house, are going to be confused and think it's actually a celebration of another boys birthday instead?

'Hi Sarah - we were offering as friends to host Oliver's party in our garden so the equipment could be used.

If you'd said from the outset that you wanted to hire our garden & equipment as an exclusive venue, we would have declined then as that requires public liability insurance & obviously commercial hire rates, & that's never been an avenue we've wanted to pursue - we built the <whatever> for friends & family to enjoy, not to monetise. Too much hassle by far!

So we're obviously at cross purposes here & can't go ahead. Hope you find a great venue & Oliver has a fabulous birthday!'

& STICK.TO.IT. A pity invite would be awful at this stage.

So they are using your space and equipment and are a friend of your sons but he isn’t invited as it might look like his party. That isn’t a CF but an utter wanker.

id be inclined to be very blunt and say that what she is asking is ridiculous, there are, I’m sure insurance issues if you were to do this (does she have the relevant insurances because it isn’t your party so your home insurance won’t cover), what if your equipment got broke? So it’s ds being invited, or you’re not hosting the event on the grounds that you’re not a community centre and it’s ludicrous to think you would host without your son going along. Word it carefully and if any crap from others you can pass along what you sent.

im not one for expecting my child to be invited anywhere, but in this situation it is bloody unbelievable that the mother has even thought this let alone message you!!!!

alternatively as someone else has said charge them, but a ridiculous amount like £800 so that you could get the insurance if she was to actually agree.

what a nasty piece of work.

I wouldn’t cancel but I would make my feelings clear. Your ds should neither be cooped up nor have to leave his home when you have done this woman a massive favour.

I’ve been a pushover but fuck that.

This woman is absolutely taking the piss and is actually thinking it’s ok for an 8 year old child to potentially look out of his bedroom window and see some of his friends at a party, a party he thinks he’s invited too when he hasn’t and in his own garden? Are you fucking kidding me. It’s a massive no fucking way from me.

Absolutely this. My god, she's something else. Ridiculous.

I don't think anyone would judge you for cancelling once they hear your side of the story. I agree with pp a pity invitation would be even worse at this stage so I would just cancel personally

Imagine having the front to not only use someone else's facilities-for free- but to ask them not to attend an event in their own garden. It baffles me that these people exist.
Personally, I'd cancel and be honest about why. Say that you don't think it would be fair to exclude your son considering that they are using his garden and equipment for free, and that you are shocked that she would even suggest he wouldn't attend. In light of that, you feel the best option is that she find another location. So what if she has to rearrange things. That's what you get for being a rude shitbag.

Rescind the offer - that’s a joke !

This

Otherwise she will turn round and say "well it's a bit bloody late to suddenly remember you need insurance "

But push the "friend" not " private function" as if you even had an inkling that she'd push your family out then it would've been a hard NO from the start

"Oh I didn't realise you didn't intend to invite my son. Obviously he's not going to want to spend all day locked up in the house, watching his friend have a party in our garden, so I'm afraid the offer's off now."

That is utterly ridiculous! Nothing useful to add to the suggestions but I would cancel due to the audacity of her.

I’d not be happy with the thought of people using my garden, equipment etc when I wasn’t there (as you obviously won’t be at home due to your son not being invited!) so there’s that as well as her being incredibly rude AND insurance wise is it iffy? Don’t know what the equipment is or if safety things are needed but that’s another major concern.

Whatever you do, she's going to slag you off. That's just a given now. But this way she won't be using your facilities as well. Cancel.

If you need an out, say you looked into her using them without you there (as your family isnt invited), and it's not possible insurance-wise. If you have to. Personally I'd be reading her the riot act.

Does she seriously expect your son to sit inside the house looking out of the window at others having a party, to which he is not invited, in his garden, using his equipment. In what world would this e even remotely reasonable?

I can see multiple people have suggested citing insurance as an excuse but I think this may be a genuine reason why you should not go ahead (this woman's breathtaking CFery aside). If a child had an accident on your equipment it could be absolutely ruinous.

Just when I thought people couldn’t get entitled if they try, lol. So she expects DS to not attend a party in his own garden? Actual lol and..🤯

I think I would have laughed in her face! Any friendship you had with her is lost now so just decide what will be best for your DS.

If part of her reasoning is that your DS won't know many of the other kids how will those children know that the venue is his garden? Why would they think it's his party, rather than the boy who invited them? If she had said she wanted to pay to hire your facilities and equipment, to keep things on a business basis, then she could have covered up the fact that she's just concerned her little darling isn't going to be the best at the activity.

This is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard! Just say no at this point.

this is perfect!

If you pull out now then she will invite your son - but that's not what you should accept.