DS(8) not invited to party

[idontunderstandwhy]

Dh used to compete and be a sports coach so we have a section of our garden built up and dedicated to that sport. He just teaches our dc and they play there now.

Ds has mostly had garden parties and then and on play dates his friends play there also.

Mum of one of his friends at a past play date mentioned her ds would love to learn do the sport and do something like this for his birthday but couldn’t find anywhere near.
Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else.

It was then agreed her ds could have his party in our garden and borrow equipment we had but that obviously over wise party organising is her responsibility. She has other entertainment, food arranged ect, party is quite soon.

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead. And as it’s an out of school friend he would only know a few of kids anyway.

She never specifically said ds was invited we just assumed and we probably agreed based on that assumption.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion.

AIBU it’s only fair ds goes?

'Sorry I thought that this was a friendly agreement rather than a business arrangement. The cost of ground and equipment hire for the party will be £100'

If she invites your son to keep the agreement-that's not good.

Why would son lose friends if rescind?

Umm.
1.Who is supervising the use of the equpment and are you covered by insurance for it being used in those circumstances?
2.I agree that it takes CFery to a whole new level
3.Id make sure to be around to make sure that your child is treated kindly
actually fuck it, I'd cancel.

She wins the CF award for this month.

Anyway can you just say oh it’s honestly not a problem I’ve briefed DS and made sure he understands that it’s your DSs day. I would also in a lighthearted way (but obvs very serious) say that you couldn’t possibly have a party for a friend at your house where DS wasn’t there. Make it VERY clear that your DS will be attending. Be casual and see if it forces her to agree with you or if she doubles down.

I don’t get what she thinks will happen - is she expecting you and your DS or vacate your house? Or that DS will stay in his room?! She’s nuts!

“I’m sorry Alice, I must have misread your text. It sounded like you want to take advantage of our hospitality, use our home and garden, borrow DH’s equipment but tell our child that he is not invited and to stay in his room while the party is in progress. Can you clarify that’s what you are asking please?”

If she doubles down, I’d be cancelling and I’d be telling everyone exactly why. How dare she?

I would send her a text asking her to repeat what you said.

“hi bitchface,
can you just repeat to me what you said about the party please?
I’m pretty sure I didn’t understand what you were saying.
I don’t want there to be any misunderstandings this close to the party.
can you reply to this message please?
OP”

only talk on text WhatsApp so you have proof when flying monkeys ask questions.
she’s an absolute sham

If you and your son aren't there you could have a problem if someone was injured. It could be considered you hired your garden and you should have public liability insurance.
If the cf is not inviting a little boy of 8 she's a nasty piece of work.
I just tell her you can't leave her alone for insurance reasons. Safety and all that. Blame your DH or a nosy legal friend but no invite, no party.

Wow. Just when you think you've seen the worst CFs Mumsnet has to offer!

Tell her the party's off. Cheeky cow.

Just cancel, I wouldn’t want such an awful woman near my home anyway.

There is absolutely NO way I would tolerate this. I’d be saying “I understand you are keen that your son has a great time at his birthday party. Unfortunately I won’t allow that to be at the expense of my son who will be gutted he’s not considered welcome at a party being hosted at his own house by someone he considers a friend. In the circumstances, it’s best you find another venue for his party”.

If she's enough of an arse to exclude an 8 year old from a party in his own garden, I'd not be surprised if she held you accountable for any accidents that occur and that she definitely won't be coughing up for breakages or cleaning. Can you imagine what your bathroom in the annexe will look like after a hoard of overexcited kids stampede in and out? You think she will be cleaning that?! You are basically funding her party. She's using your facilities, your equipment, your annexe for catering and bathroom. Don't be bonkers -call it off before it ends up an absolute shit storm.

I think you should pull the offer.

Its very weird to have a party going on in your garden for kids and your kids have to stay inside.
The mums attitude that your DS will be better at the sport than her kids says it all really

When I saw the title I assumed it was a thread where kids need to learn they can't be invited to everything etc etc.

But fuck me sideways, I think this might be the most CF of all time!

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come

So she hasn't said that he can't be there?

But you now know he's not welcome.

So you surely have to cancel it?

That’s really cheeky and weird! In her shoes I’d maybe not have formally invited as the party is IN HIS HOME but would never dream of saying a child wasn’t welcome to join a party being hosted in his bloody home. Make her pay standard party place prices if she’s going to dictate. CF

This
100%

Are you insured OP ?

I just think it might be easier for (DS) if he was reluctantly invited but didn’t know that than if we cancelled the whole thing last minute because he wasn’t wanted there

But if this mum's spiteful enough to want to exclude him for no better reason than him "taking the shine off" her DS's party and guests thinking it's his, what's to say she won't be unpleasant to him if he attends?

At eight the others won't care anyway - they already know who the birthday boy is and will just be excited to be there - so this is coming purely from the mum and frankly I'd hesitate to expose my DS to this kind of thing

"Sorry, are you actually suggesting my son be uninvited from a party held at his own house, purely because he is already good at the sport? You are benefitting from our family's equipment and facilities purely because we do this sport so I am gobsmacked that you would then use that as a reason to have our son only able to watch his friend's party from inside. There's obviously been a miscommunication in terms of expectations here. You are not unreasonable to want to choose who to invite to your son's birthday party, but you should have decided that before you expressed an interest in using our home to host it."

I love this answer!
In reality I'd probably say that she was being ridiculous as it's your house and property and as a member of the household, your DS will be attending.

Tell her that your shocked and hurt that dh is banned/is rescinded from coming to a party in is own house and that, for this reason, they should find another venue.

She is no friend just an entitled user.

Has she paid you for hosting? If not it's even more CF of the highest order.

I liked one of the early suggested replies:
"Seeing as I don't want ds to have to stay away from his own garden, you don't want him there, and I wouldn't want him invited merely to use our venue, I have no choice but to rescind the offer."

Totally get that your ds is excited, so do something else exciting with him, take him and his closest friend out for something of his choice. As for it causing friendship problems, it doesn't sound like they're mega close anyway? And if they are, then they'll get over it.

Dear CF mum,

Sorry I didn’t get back to you re your message about x’s ( sports name) party that we agreed could be held free of charge in our garden using our equipment and the annexe for food prep/ toilet facilities etc. To be honest I didn’t know quite what to say in response. I have thought it over, and while I considered for a while telling you that the invitation had been rescinded I think that cancelling the party would not be fair to x. But then again, holding a party in his back garden and telling him he can’t attend is not fair to Y -who incidentally assumes he has been invited, something I assumed too. You can, I hope ,see my dilemma. So I am throwing the ball back into your court, it is your decision as to whether the party goes ahead, with Y as a fully invited guest.

best wishes

That woman has just reached new levels of cheeky fuckery, I would also be telling her ( in the nicest possible way) that the invite has be rescinded, what does she expect the OPs son to do…..stay inside and look out the window at a party that he is not invited to happen in his own back garden!!!!

‘Our son is old enough to have understood that we were hosting your DC’s birthday party here in our garden simply for the use of the sport facilities, but that you were inviting and hosting the children with the refreshments, games etc. He knows not to seek out attention for himself being fully aware of when his own birthday is. He knows how to be a good guest and he’s also helpful and kind -and gets on well with other children his own age. However, unless I have misunderstood, it seems he is no longer welcome at the party. Having thought about it we have decided it’s best to explain to our son, that you have found other premises on another date. We aren’t prepared to upset our son, by making him stay indoors, unwelcome to join in, nor to make him feel he has been in any way uninvited/left out.
Thank you for your understanding and best wishes for your son’s birthday’.

I think she will then say ‘sorry for the misunderstanding, of course you son will be receiving an invitation’ and you can carry on as before.