Page 7 | DS(8) not invited to party

idontunderstandwhy · 2025-04-09T13:01:05+00:00

Dh used to compete and be a sports coach so we have a section of our garden built up and dedicated to that sport. He just teaches our dc and they play there now. Ds has mostly had garden parties and then and on play dates his friends play there also. Mum of one of his friends at a past play date mentioned her ds would love to learn do the sport and do something like this for his birthday but couldn’t find anywhere near. Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else. It was then agreed her ds could have his party in our garden and borrow equipment we had but that obviously over wise party organising is her responsibility. She has other entertainment, food arranged ect, party is quite soon. She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead. And as it’s an out of school friend he would only know a few of kids anyway. She never specifically said ds was invited we just assumed and we probably agreed based on that assumption. I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion. AIBU it’s only fair ds goes?

GroovyChick87 · 09/04/2025 15:22

This is extreme cheekiness. It's beyond that actually, it's disgusting behaviour. I'd be telling her to hold her party elsewhere and I'd have nothing more to do with her.

FormerlySpeckledyHen · 09/04/2025 15:22

I predict that the CF will be back in contact with you to change her mind about your DS, having been alerted to this thread by another parent…

FartNRoses · 09/04/2025 15:22

Hope it rains….

Hankunamatata · 09/04/2025 15:23

Bet she isn't paying for the use of your equipment either

Watermill · 09/04/2025 15:25

In reflection, there’s no clean exit from this.

You either cancel, or you sit there fuming, and really worried that somehow DS will find out he wasn’t wanted.

I would go with the insurance excuse, tell DS you hadn’t realised you needed insurance, and take him somewhere bloody fantastic on the day.

A begrudging invitation is worse than none at all.

Threeboystwocatsandadog · 09/04/2025 15:28

I would take ds out for the day. Lock the house and annex and make sure she has no access to water. Leave a potty out for emergencies. She will have to bring everything she needs with her.

murasaki · 09/04/2025 15:28

Yes, insurance, or lack thereof, is your best get out.

PurpleThistle7 · 09/04/2025 15:29

I am actually wondering about the insurance. If they had a party in your home and were the actual hosts, then what happens if someone gets hurt? it would go on your homeowners insurance? do you actually have coverage for this sort of thing now that your DH isn't coaching anymore?

(Really curious what it is!)

But that's a totally insane thing to say and I can't believe it. We actually hosted my daughter's friend's birthday one year by accident (had a party on the same day as her birthday so quickly grabbed some birthday cake and decorations!) and obviously everyone knew it was our house. Everyone made a fuss over her anyway as it was her birthday.

This is silliness and you should step away. I would be worried about how she'd behave if you force her to include your son though so I'd definitely be supervising. And really you need to supervise anyway if this is specialised / dangerous / delicate equipment of some sort.

Dealswithpetty · 09/04/2025 15:29

This woman does not respect you. If she did, she never would have made such a request. Expect things to get worse if you continue to appease her. I'm shocked (and angry on your behalf) by her entitlement. CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL!

Moonnstars · 09/04/2025 15:30

I actually think this is an awkward one. Your DH kindly offered the garden, and you have both assumed your son would be included. I don't know how the conversation went but if he just said the kid was 'welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else' I can actually see the confusion as he never explicitly said coming round to play with your son or that the party offer was only if your own child was included. It sounds more like DH was offering to hold the party in your garden with specialised equipment as a kind gesture knowing nowhere else offers this kind of thing and the mum was stuck.

I do think the reasons given for not letting your son attend though are unfair, as it's not his fault he is good at the sport. What would the mum do if the others all turned out to be better than her son as well?

I think DH should in future should not go round offering your garden out to people as while I see it's a kind gesture, I can see the confusion over the expectations and feeling taken advantage of.

Strictlymad · 09/04/2025 15:31

What a nasty thing to do! Take the shine of her son and yours is more practised what an utterly ridiculous and selfish thing to say! Her golden boy! Just say if ds isn’t invited the party is off, her choice

Lyra87 · 09/04/2025 15:32

Wow, how horrible of her! How does she think her DC would feel it was the other way around? I would be tempted to rescind the offer if it was me, however I think maybe if you asked her to think about how her child would feel if it was him maybe it'll make her realise how unreasonable her request is. If that doesn't work, I'd tell her she needs another venue.

ThatWildMintSloth · 09/04/2025 15:33

The absolute cheek of her! Seriously what is wrong with people?! Of course its assumed that you're invited to a party in your own home!!

It would be really awkward if she still has the party there because you know she doesnt want your son there.
I'd tell her that unfortunately she can no longer have the party at yours.

Tough poo about her finding another venue

pimplebum · 09/04/2025 15:33

Wtf !!! Can’t believe what I am reading
from what you say she hasn’t actually said no he can’t come , so I’d send a message along the lines of “ son assumed, as did we, he is invited and is v much looking forward to it
he knows your child is star of the day

I’d love to know what this sport equipment is ??? Swimming pool ? Archery ?? Surely it would require your supervision?

LadeOde · 09/04/2025 15:34

Am I right in thinking this woman is also expecting @op's DH to help out with the 'sport' at this party? if so, it's even worse. Poor boy forbidden from entering his own garden, can hear from his room, screams of delight from all the other children and his dad is helping out.

PrincessScarlett · 09/04/2025 15:34

Agree that your DS isn't a friend after all otherwise he would have been invited. They are totally using your house and facilities to impress and treating you like the hired help.

Unfortunately I don't think there's anyway you will come out of this unscathed so you'll just have to rip that plaster off and cancel. If you cancel CF will bad mouth you, if you get your son invited CF will bad mouth you and potentially be mean to your son and if you make your son stay inside uninvited that is a terrible message to send him about how to be treated by people and will be very upsetting for him.

Unforgettablefire · 09/04/2025 15:34

I hope the media get wind of this and shame the cf! I thought I’d heard it all on here what a cheek! Not to mention cruel to your ds!

Brefugee · 09/04/2025 15:35

yeah - I'd be telling her to give her head a wobble. And no party in my garden.

Garlicchillilime · 09/04/2025 15:36

Another vote for cancel. What a horrible person.

Genevieva · 09/04/2025 15:39

As others have said, it is completely reasonable to rescind the offer. Where does she expect your Don to be during a party in his garden using his stuff?

notwavingbutsinking · 09/04/2025 15:39

PurpleThistle7 · 09/04/2025 15:29

I am actually wondering about the insurance. If they had a party in your home and were the actual hosts, then what happens if someone gets hurt? it would go on your homeowners insurance? do you actually have coverage for this sort of thing now that your DH isn't coaching anymore?

(Really curious what it is!)

But that's a totally insane thing to say and I can't believe it. We actually hosted my daughter's friend's birthday one year by accident (had a party on the same day as her birthday so quickly grabbed some birthday cake and decorations!) and obviously everyone knew it was our house. Everyone made a fuss over her anyway as it was her birthday.

This is silliness and you should step away. I would be worried about how she'd behave if you force her to include your son though so I'd definitely be supervising. And really you need to supervise anyway if this is specialised / dangerous / delicate equipment of some sort.

As a homeowner you do indeed have a legal duty of care to anyone you allow onto your property - basically you're responsible for taking reasonable steps to ensure any visitors to your home are safe.

If a child gets injured at this CF party because there was a problem with the equipment or some hazard she didn’t warn them about, then the OP could indeed potentially be held liable, even though she is doing it as a favour and she isn't charging for access.

ETA - OP if you do go ahead, make sure you get something in writing about this - send her a message confirming that she is taking full responsibility for supervising the kids and they are using the equipment at their own risk.

GRex · 09/04/2025 15:39

Moonnstars · 09/04/2025 15:30

I actually think this is an awkward one. Your DH kindly offered the garden, and you have both assumed your son would be included. I don't know how the conversation went but if he just said the kid was 'welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else' I can actually see the confusion as he never explicitly said coming round to play with your son or that the party offer was only if your own child was included. It sounds more like DH was offering to hold the party in your garden with specialised equipment as a kind gesture knowing nowhere else offers this kind of thing and the mum was stuck.

I do think the reasons given for not letting your son attend though are unfair, as it's not his fault he is good at the sport. What would the mum do if the others all turned out to be better than her son as well?

I think DH should in future should not go round offering your garden out to people as while I see it's a kind gesture, I can see the confusion over the expectations and feeling taken advantage of.

It isn't awkward on the grounds you give, because no normal person would think they can hold a party in a their child's friend's home without inviting the resident child. That has never ever ever ever ever been a "thing" that anybody would do.

NotDarkGothicMama · 09/04/2025 15:40

My gut reaction would be to laugh in her face and cancel, but that would be my own pride talking. I think you're right to grit your teeth and allow her to use your garden and equipment as long as your DS is invited. He won't knows thing about it and will have a great time with his friends. If you cancelled, he'd know all about it, be upset and possibly suffer the repercussions of your decision. It's not fair, it's not satisfying, but it's putting your DS first.

She's a CF of the highest order. I hope she comes to her senses and cringes hard at her behaviour.

Pinkerama · 09/04/2025 15:40

Moonnstars · 09/04/2025 15:30

I actually think this is an awkward one. Your DH kindly offered the garden, and you have both assumed your son would be included. I don't know how the conversation went but if he just said the kid was 'welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else' I can actually see the confusion as he never explicitly said coming round to play with your son or that the party offer was only if your own child was included. It sounds more like DH was offering to hold the party in your garden with specialised equipment as a kind gesture knowing nowhere else offers this kind of thing and the mum was stuck.

I do think the reasons given for not letting your son attend though are unfair, as it's not his fault he is good at the sport. What would the mum do if the others all turned out to be better than her son as well?

I think DH should in future should not go round offering your garden out to people as while I see it's a kind gesture, I can see the confusion over the expectations and feeling taken advantage of.

If this woman had any common sense and respect for the OP and her family, she would thank them for letting her have the party in their garden and make sure that they are all welcome to attend. There’s no other way around it. It’s not the OP’s assumption that is wrong here.

OP, just tell her ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t force DS to sit inside while there are children in his garden playing with his equipment. If him being there doesn’t work for you, I’m afraid you’ll have to hold the party elsewhere.’

I bet she won’t cancel and hopefully your DS won’t know about all this drama in the background. After the party, never let her use your garden again.

Brefugee · 09/04/2025 15:42

another one here saying check your insurance.

and i would be telling her that her DS is no longer welcome to come and practice when he wants because it is clear that in her family there is no concept of normal, regular, manners.

And because of insurance.

(also make sure she has a plan to clean up after the party, and rectify any breakages)