DS(8) not invited to party

[idontunderstandwhy]

Dh used to compete and be a sports coach so we have a section of our garden built up and dedicated to that sport. He just teaches our dc and they play there now.

Ds has mostly had garden parties and then and on play dates his friends play there also.

Mum of one of his friends at a past play date mentioned her ds would love to learn do the sport and do something like this for his birthday but couldn’t find anywhere near.
Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else.

It was then agreed her ds could have his party in our garden and borrow equipment we had but that obviously over wise party organising is her responsibility. She has other entertainment, food arranged ect, party is quite soon.

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead. And as it’s an out of school friend he would only know a few of kids anyway.

She never specifically said ds was invited we just assumed and we probably agreed based on that assumption.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion.

AIBU it’s only fair ds goes?

this

This is madness. (I hope this isn't for real).

There are huge implications for your home insurance if she holds the party in your garden and you are not there supervising. If a child is hurt and sues, you could face a huge liability if your insurance does not cover you.

There was a similar post a couple of years ago, Poster had a nice garden which CF wanted to use for a party. Poster asked CF what time was party starting only to be told she and her husband weren't invited. Either your DS goes or the party is off.

I would ask her to pay. As she would
for any other similar event. Seeing that her excuse was not finding a place. If she cancels it is on her.

This is so cheeky I had to reread it twice to check I wasn’t hallucinating. So let me get this straight… she wants to throw her child’s party in YOUR garden, using YOUR equipment, and YOUR husband’s offer of help — but YOUR son, who actually lives there, is supposed to vanish into thin air so her son can have his moment? Sorry, what planet is she on and how do we send her back? Honestly, the audacity is practically athletic. Your DS should absolutely be there — if anything, he should get a slice of the cake just for allowing it all to happen on his turf!

This woman is right up there with the legendary Mumsnet cheeky fuckers like Mexican House Thief.

How on earth does anyone have the brass neck to expect to use the sporting equipment in the garden of one of her son's friends for her son's birthday party but brazenly says that she won't be inviting her son's friend? It really beggers belief.

My first instinct would be to tell her to fuck off and take her poxy party elsewhere but I can understand that OP doesn't want the fall out. However, OP must insist that her son is invited and if the CF refuses, OP should rescind the offer of using her equipment and garden.

I would tell her that you have been advised by a ‘legal’ friend that you would need public liability insurance to host this event and so therefore you regrettably have to withdraw the offer.

This!
What a cheek?!

Best answer. 100% this.

Absolutely no way would my DC be watching someone else's party in our own garden! F that.

The scenario is really astounding @idontunderstandwhy
I think I'd approach it like this:
I was taken aback and at a loss for words when you said my son won't be welcome to your son's party at our home. Since the boys are friends this is too problematic and you'll have to find a venue for your party now. Sorry for any difficulty, but thanks for understanding.
Simple, but straightforward. No drama.

And, if your garden set-up is that great for the sport consider getting a licence and making a business of it. 💡

This.

And this awful woman gets exactly what she wants, i.e. the use of OP's garden and equipment without OP's son.

You'd have to be some sort of martyr to bend over backwards to accommodate this cheeky fucker's completely unreasonable request.

Just say I'm not going for that my Son being left out in his own home end of story. He's either invited or you find another family of mugs cause you won't find any here!

So this cheeky cow thinks she should use your garden and sports facilities, your annex for food and bathrooms and you'll all go out and leave them to it. This is cheeky fuckery on a grand scale Op, this is prize winning sheer front. All because she doesn't want your DS to show hers up by being better.

This is legendary level of cheeky fuckery. Absolutely unbelievable, the audacity.
Offer should be withdrawn forthwith. Your poor son (and you). Who does this woman think she is?!

I was taken aback and at a loss for words when you said my son won't be welcome to your son's party at our home. Since the boys are friends this is too problematic and you'll have to find a venue for your party now. Sorry for any difficulty, but thanks for understanding.

Good response from @Mumtobabyhavoc here - it’s direct but polite and firm.

I know it's not the point but I really want to know what the sport is 😆

I don t think UP owes th is cheeky bitch any politeness to be perfectly honest.

”Hi X, it won’t be possible to host a child’s party, who is also DS’s friend, here without DS attending, sorry.’

Can you not message her and say yes I totally see where your coming from my child is very good at the sport I wouldn't want your child to feel rubbish on their birthday, obviously it wouldn't be fair for you to have the party and my son not attend as it is in his house so do let me know if you would rather find another venue

That's awful.

However I agree with OP, I wouldn't cancel at short notice due to possible repercussions for your DS. I'd make it clear that DS needs to be there if it is to go ahead (as it's his flipping house/garden!), then let it go ahead.

Then have as little as possible to do with her from then on.

Yes this is excellent, gives her the choice

You really cannot take your son out and let her continue as planned. What example is that setting to him?!

You don’t have to be rude, but you do need to be firm. I’m sorry OP but you really do need to challenge this appalling, entitled behaviour. Do not keep the peace for the sake of a fake friendship between the boys.

"It's a shame you think my son would make yours feel inadequate by being at the party. I hope you manage to find a venue."

YANBU at all.

Her reasons are awful. IMHO she needs to teach her DS a little humility. And presumably you’ll have a word with your DS not to lord it up, given he’s ace at the sport and it’s at his home. So she needn’t worry on that score.

Agree, you should tell her that you offered on the basis that your DS is his friend and you assumed he’d be included, rather than having to watch his friend’s party from a window of his home. What was she thinking!

I wouldn’t cancel on her, though. But as she doesn’t sound at all reasonable, thoughtful or friendly, maybe send a friendly email to ask her to confirm that she’ll (obviously) be fully responsible for any injuries, kids who wander off, missing items etc. Just to cover your arse on the slim chance anything terrible happens.