Page 10 | To not invite them to the wedding?

T1Dmama · 12/04/2025 13:23

Timetogoo · 09/04/2025 08:13

I have seen a few people say that the rule for their wedding was “if I haven’t seen you in the past two years you aren’t invited” if I was going by that rule then there would have to be some unfairness to it. It’s like someone else said on here… do I want my wedding photos full of people I don’t know?

however, I am willing to accept that I can’t do this if the majority say it isn’t right. That’s why I’ve posted to see what the general consensus is because I will reconsider if it’s going to cause major upset and drama. That’s not what I want. It’s just difficult because we agreed on a wedding wjth not a lot of people but there’s so many people that we are so close to and want there that it then makes the numbers massive when you say “well if they’re, coming that means they have to come, and if they’re coming on your side I will have to invite on my side” it would have to be all or nothing which means people very close and dear to us would have to miss out on the day. Ugh

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Absolutely not! No no no… people close to you so not miss out!

You invite the people you see and love…
If you see one aunt and not another then you absolutely only invite the aunts you see!!

Tell people it’s your wedding and you’re sharing it with people you love… that’s it!
If I get married again one cousin will be invited. It’s my day not theirs! I’m paying for it not them!

maybe if MIL wants to add guests she can cover the cost!!

Welshmonster · 12/04/2025 23:07

Different opinion but only have people who you want at your wedding. If you don’t see them then just coz they are family doesn’t mean they have to come over your best mate who you see every week or a trusted work colleague. As there are family there then it’s not like the cousins will be alone without partner.

if you explain that you can have 50 people then people will understand.

invite the auntie you want. Tough on the others.
if MIL wants them there then say she can pay.

I wouldn’t stress over it as you aren’t going to see these people and you don’t have their phone numbers anyway.

Devora13 · 18/04/2025 12:27

I would say though if there was an event like this and my partner wasn't invited, I wouldn't go.

anon2022anon · 18/04/2025 12:47

@Devora13 seems stupid to me.
If my friend, who I love, is getting married, and I'm invited, I want to see it and be there to support her.
She knows my partner vaguely, only through me, they don't socialise, they aren't friends, she just likes him, sure, but doesn't know him.
She's having a small wedding. The options are invite just me, or don't invite either of us.
I love my friend enough to know that it's absolutely not a slight on my partner, that if space and money was no issue then she would have us all there, but it is, and I want to be there. I'll see my other half at the evening party.

ConnieSlow · 18/04/2025 13:32

I’m with your mil. You can’t invite one sisters partner and not the other. You might think the partner won’t care but I can assure you that the sister will! Either up the budget or don’t invite partners at all, or leave out cousins. Or split it in half and then you deal with your number and your dp deals with his.

it is your day, but don’t get too caught up with the ‘wedding’. It’s also about the people, being a good host and not causing issues within families.

ConnieSlow · 18/04/2025 13:33

anon2022anon · 18/04/2025 12:47

@Devora13 seems stupid to me.
If my friend, who I love, is getting married, and I'm invited, I want to see it and be there to support her.
She knows my partner vaguely, only through me, they don't socialise, they aren't friends, she just likes him, sure, but doesn't know him.
She's having a small wedding. The options are invite just me, or don't invite either of us.
I love my friend enough to know that it's absolutely not a slight on my partner, that if space and money was no issue then she would have us all there, but it is, and I want to be there. I'll see my other half at the evening party.

Well you are not everyone.

I would think if two sisters are invited and only one partner that would cause a big issue.

YerArseInParsley · 11/05/2025 23:27

Timetogoo · 09/04/2025 07:00

Please help, I’m having trouble with our wedding guest list. We both have big families and there’s a lot of people that we are very close to that we want there. The problem is, everyone has a plus one and it’s extremely expensive because it ends up being a LOT of people. I was speaking to my fiancés mum last night and she was saying I either need to invite peoples partners or not have them at all. I would agree with this all or nothing approach, however there are some peoples partners/spouses that we have relationships with, and others that I’ve probably only seen once in my life. We were specifically talking about two cousins who are sisters.
cousin 1 has been with her partner for 5 years, they have a house and a child together and we have been out with both of them numerous times and have a friendship with him.
cousin 2 has been with her partner for a few years, and I’ve seen him once or twice but never really spoken to him. My fiancés mum is saying I can’t invite one persons pertner and not the other. But I think surely it depends on our relationships with them?

she then goes on to say “x now has a girlfriend as well so you’d have to invite her” and I was getting so overwhelmed because I have only met X once and never ever met his new girlfriend and I don’t want to be introducing myself to people on my wedding day. I have to pay for people to be there and I’m not keen on paying for people that I don’t even know! But soon to be MIL is telling me it isn’t fair to have some and not others. It would also mean knocking some people off my own side of the family (actual family members) to make room for people partners that I’ve never met! We have a package which is 50 people. We can add more but it will cost extra per head and would honestly be so much money if we included everyone’s partners.

Please help.

Have you decided yet op?

I'm 49, past weddings it would have been rude not to invite partners. Young people today do things their own way.

You talk about 2 specific cousins. Are there any cousins not invited? Would you feel uncomfortable not inviting cousin 2 at all? I personally would feel uncomfortable but this is about you and you trying to cut numbers.

I think people are right in saying parents, grandparents, siblings, close friends and your close aunt. Does your partner want to invite any aunts/uncles? How many does he have? How many do you have and have you invited them all?

It's a tough one but you need to draw the line somewhere.

What is the relationship of x to your partner?

YerArseInParsley · 11/05/2025 23:33

Timetogoo · 09/04/2025 07:00

Please help, I’m having trouble with our wedding guest list. We both have big families and there’s a lot of people that we are very close to that we want there. The problem is, everyone has a plus one and it’s extremely expensive because it ends up being a LOT of people. I was speaking to my fiancés mum last night and she was saying I either need to invite peoples partners or not have them at all. I would agree with this all or nothing approach, however there are some peoples partners/spouses that we have relationships with, and others that I’ve probably only seen once in my life. We were specifically talking about two cousins who are sisters.
cousin 1 has been with her partner for 5 years, they have a house and a child together and we have been out with both of them numerous times and have a friendship with him.
cousin 2 has been with her partner for a few years, and I’ve seen him once or twice but never really spoken to him. My fiancés mum is saying I can’t invite one persons pertner and not the other. But I think surely it depends on our relationships with them?

she then goes on to say “x now has a girlfriend as well so you’d have to invite her” and I was getting so overwhelmed because I have only met X once and never ever met his new girlfriend and I don’t want to be introducing myself to people on my wedding day. I have to pay for people to be there and I’m not keen on paying for people that I don’t even know! But soon to be MIL is telling me it isn’t fair to have some and not others. It would also mean knocking some people off my own side of the family (actual family members) to make room for people partners that I’ve never met! We have a package which is 50 people. We can add more but it will cost extra per head and would honestly be so much money if we included everyone’s partners.

Please help.

I have to pay for people to be there and I’m not keen on paying for people that I don’t even know! But soon to be MIL is telling me it isn’t fair to have some and not others. It would also mean knocking some people off my own side of the family (actual family members) to make room for people partners that I’ve never met! We have a package

Just read this again

Don't do that. If you think about knocking off your actual family you could knock off the cousins you aren't close too like I mentioned further up.

Tiredofallthis101 · 11/05/2025 23:43

I wouldn't worry about matching between you and DH eg his aunt needs to come because yours is. Just have 25 spaces each and choose who you want. To get round the plus one drama I would incite everyone separately so instead of aunt+1 it is an invite for Aunt, and am invite for aunt's husband in his own right. That way it makes the justification a bit easier because you can exclude people you don't know immediately- why would you invite Bill who you've never met? And just tell people you aren't having plus ones but inviting people individually, some of whom might be couples. Whatever you do remember it's your wedding and about celebrating with the people you want there.