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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gave Granddaughter's Mum £250 towards her 3rd birthday party

421 replies

TheBuffetInspector · 08/04/2025 23:45

She couldn't decide which nursery friends to invite. Whether it would be 360 or local Wacky.

I gave her £250 towards either.

She's going to Sea-Life Centre with her Mum.

So, not only no party. No invite either.

I'm a bit pissed off to be honest.

OP posts:
Northernladdette · 09/04/2025 06:40

TheBuffetInspector · 09/04/2025 00:37

If you've given £250 for a specific reason, you might feel unnecessarily snappy. Bad day or not.

It is what it is.

She was telling me how much she loved me that day and GD was blessed to have me.

I thought she'd gone quiet 🙄

Show quote history

This is a typical mumsnet response, rest assured you’re in the right here as you haven’t had many of these 😉
Your son’s baby mamma is a CF 😡

Poppyseeds79 · 09/04/2025 06:42

I get that it's upsetting and future lesson learned. I'd not mention it again though you've made your point now, and she could well stop contact if she chooses to.

Just be sure all future gifts are pre bought vs cash given.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 09/04/2025 06:43

I'm sorry you've been taken advantage of, OP.

Next time don't give your money to your granddaughter's mum and use it to take her on a day out yourselves.

BananaSpanner · 09/04/2025 06:50

OP she has been underhand but be honest, your son who pays for his daughter’s childcare…what does that actually look like in terms of his finances? Is there friction between them in terms of his contributions? Would he have to pay more if she went down the CMS route? None of that should be your problem but is there a chance she feels she is owed the money anyway due to lack of his contribution?

Morph22010 · 09/04/2025 06:52

DiscoBeat · 09/04/2025 00:12

I too would be asking for the money back, since if was for a party which didn't happen! You can take her out separately instead.
I really don't understand the 360/Wacky comment though?? Assuming a typo!

There is a soft play near us called 360 presume it’s one of those

Pickedupsomethingsuss · 09/04/2025 06:54

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 09/04/2025 06:39

You are either incredibly rude or the "Mum" of OP's DGD. Though I guess you could also just be another entitled, rude person who thinks everyone should give, give, give to her, or a bitter person who had a child with the wrong person....I guess there are several choices. Just none of them good.

Show quote history

Or someone who thinks that this little girl is going to have a treat special treat day with her mum…. No doubt alongside sea life centre involving lunch out and no doubt a gift shop purchase…. and that’s it baffling to be almost crying another this

and given this mum will receive pennies from the OP’s son because he’s on universal credit….

Original poster
TheBuffetInspector · 09/04/2025 06:54

Morning all! 😏

Gave Granddaughter's Mum £250 towards her 3rd birthday party
OP posts:
MeridianB · 09/04/2025 06:55

YamsVsEggplants · 08/04/2025 23:50

I'd ask for the money back. Along the lines of "As you've decided to not have a party now, are you able to transfer the £250 back please? I'd like to put it towards a treat / gift / day out with granddaughter for her birthday. Enjoy the sea life centre"

This. It’s disgraceful behaviour. Does she have form for this?

moveoveralice · 09/04/2025 06:55

and given this mum will receive pennies from the OP’s son because he’s on universal credit….

How do you know this @Pickedupsomethingsuss

Original poster
TheBuffetInspector · 09/04/2025 06:58

moveoveralice · 09/04/2025 06:55

and given this mum will receive pennies from the OP’s son because he’s on universal credit….

How do you know this @Pickedupsomethingsuss

Because she's gotten up early to rake through previous posts. He actually gave her 169.20 last month from his UC because she'd gone over her free hours.
@Pickedupsomethingsuss

OP posts:
Pickedupsomethingsuss · 09/04/2025 06:58

moveoveralice · 09/04/2025 06:55

and given this mum will receive pennies from the OP’s son because he’s on universal credit….

How do you know this @Pickedupsomethingsuss

Another thread

Pickedupsomethingsuss · 09/04/2025 06:58

TheBuffetInspector · 09/04/2025 06:58

Because she's gotten up early to rake through previous posts. He actually gave her 169.20 last month from his UC because she'd gone over her free hours.
@Pickedupsomethingsuss

Edited
Show quote history

And what about usually?

Viviennemary · 09/04/2025 06:59

That is annoying. You gave money for a purpose and it was spent on something different. She is spending the money on her Mum. Not on. She is a cheeky chancer. No more money for her. Ever.

Pickedupsomethingsuss · 09/04/2025 06:59

How far do you think £169 (which is evidently much more than normal if you’re highlighting as something special) goes in raising a child op?

Original poster
TheBuffetInspector · 09/04/2025 07:00

Pickedupsomethingsuss · 09/04/2025 06:58

And what about usually?

Show quote history

£84

Do you want bank statements?

OP posts:
SummerDaysOnTheWay · 09/04/2025 07:01

What does 360 Wacky mean?

Pickedupsomethingsuss · 09/04/2025 07:01

TheBuffetInspector · 09/04/2025 06:58

Because she's gotten up early to rake through previous posts. He actually gave her 169.20 last month from his UC because she'd gone over her free hours.
@Pickedupsomethingsuss

Edited
Show quote history

If you know about this “he actually gave her £169” last month (big whoop) I’m guessing that usually it’s much less

especially if he’s on UC

why is he on UC?

Pickedupsomethingsuss · 09/04/2025 07:01

TheBuffetInspector · 09/04/2025 07:00

£84

Do you want bank statements?

Show quote history

Your son pays £84 a month towards his daughter?

FFS

Pickedupsomethingsuss · 09/04/2025 07:02

How often does the have her op?

why is he on UC? Single, no other children?

Original poster
TheBuffetInspector · 09/04/2025 07:02

Pickedupsomethingsuss · 09/04/2025 06:59

How far do you think £169 (which is evidently much more than normal if you’re highlighting as something special) goes in raising a child op?

Goodness me, having raised two children alone myself, I'm thinking... Give me a minute to do the full food shopping breakdown... I've only just woken up.
Bare with.

OP posts:
LifeBeginsToday · 09/04/2025 07:04

I'd keep your money, because of your feelings towards her. But you made out like your son does his fair share and she's taking it all and spending on herself. £169 as a large contribution one month is pathetic and doesn't touch the sides of the cost of raising a child. It's more likely she needs actual financial support to raise the child.

Pickedupsomethingsuss · 09/04/2025 07:04

TheBuffetInspector · 09/04/2025 07:02

Goodness me, having raised two children alone myself, I'm thinking... Give me a minute to do the full food shopping breakdown... I've only just woken up.
Bare with.

Show quote history

It was a one off

Usually he gives £84

me too a single parent of 2!

Pickedupsomethingsuss · 09/04/2025 07:05

why Is your ds even on UC

his ex is working clearly as she’s even going over the free childcare allowance

Original poster
TheBuffetInspector · 09/04/2025 07:05

Pickedupsomethingsuss · 09/04/2025 07:04

It was a one off

Usually he gives £84

me too a single parent of 2!

Show quote history

So?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheBuffetInspector · 09/04/2025 07:05

Pickedupsomethingsuss · 09/04/2025 07:05

why Is your ds even on UC

his ex is working clearly as she’s even going over the free childcare allowance

Edited

She's not working

OP posts: