Gave Granddaughter's Mum £250 towards her 3rd birthday party

[TheBuffetInspector]

She couldn't decide which nursery friends to invite. Whether it would be 360 or local Wacky.

I gave her £250 towards either.

She's going to Sea-Life Centre with her Mum.

So, not only no party. No invite either.

I'm a bit pissed off to be honest.

Sadly, a lesson learnt, although it's a shit one... don't give her any money again. Clearly the money was spent elsewhere, probably on herself, rather than your grandchild. It's a shitty thing to do, and I understand why you're upset and rightly so, angry. Chalk it up to experience.

This reminds me of when a friend of dd1's was having a party about 20 years ago. She wanted to go to a particular place and asked for £5 contribution. I was a bit surprised but gave the money. Fast forward to friend's birthday and they stayed at her house as she'd changed her mind! Never got my £5 back.

Dgs is 3 tomorrow but dd2 has decided he's too young for a party - they've been to a few recently- and wants to wait a couple of years. I think she's right.

Thanks. It felt pretty hard at the time, but we really want to maintain our relationship. DIL’s family always comes first and we seem to be ‘tolerated’ by her. No idea why. Very careful to not give advice, express opinions, it’s all positive, all the time from our end…

Absolutely this.

But that's not what this thread is about.
OP generously gave £250 for a specific reason and it was spent on something else, she asked if she was unreasonable to feel miffed about that. I think she isn't being unreasonable but it's best to let it go and just learn from it.
OP is not responsible for what her son does or doesn't pay.

There's a lot of threads bringing in stuff that isn't relevant. Is it that unusual for couples in their early 20s to have a 4 or 5 year age gap?
It sounds as if OP loves her grandchild and wants to be involved but it would be better to give them things directly in future rather than give the Mum money.
Also it's vital to try to get on with the child's mother or there's every possibility that OP will be cut out or kept on the side lines in the future.

Thats not even the minimum amount. My daughter receives £28 per month from her 'Dad'

If she decided against a party that’s fair enough. But she should have been transparent, not kept the money that was intended for a party. Maybe you would have said ‘ahh well keep it anyway and have a lovely day out’. But the way she has gone about it is incredibly poor and I’d be having words with your son about it. And obviously never offering money for anything like this again. She is a definite CF.

I can't imagine spending £250 on a kids party

Once bitten twice shy! Right it off. Next year send a gift and bank any extra monies for your DGD when she is older. I'm so sorry this happened. Some folks just take advantage,your ex DIL is obviously one of them.

Ask for the money back.

That's terrible! So, your son should give his next contribution towards childcare, minus £250 then he can give it to you instead. Your son can then explain why its £250 short. Cheeky cow

"Well you won't be needing my £250 now- will you?"

£250 towards a kids party is nothing nowadays a day out to sealife, meal, gift shop train tickets etc could easily cost £250.

its a loss sadly, but nm u will gt it back through karmic

I would not mention it.
In future you can kindly buy a book or outfit or non expensive toy /game for birthday and Christmas.
You know now that a large financial gift isn't appreciated.
Just smile and be kind, doing things with your grandchild (and DIL) when you see them.

Can you not it ? was double that in 2001

From now onwards, I would just save the money in a saving account for the child and give it to them when they’re 18
Any money that you part with is not gonna find its way to the little one, it won’t enhance their life. And they won’t miss it.

Sorry this has happened, well now you know! just give dgc birthday / Xmas treats ect when you and your son have her, let her mother pay for her dd's gifts/party's. I know it's hard, you have to step carefully as a mother can stop a grandparent from seeing a dgc.

It would seem like you are ignorant/sheltered, yes. This is an entirely normal age-gap. And as it happens, also not the age gap in this case.

Don’t do it; you’ll rue the day you saw that drum kit if you buy one for your house!

It’s gutting that you’re not going to see that money again, but you’ve learnt a lesson that has ‘only’ cost you a couple of hundred pounds, rather than the relationship between you and GD’s mum, which could cause all sorts of issues over contact in the future. And she’s three; she’s not going to remember a trip to an aquarium. But she will remember a nanny who took her for picnics in the park and pushed her on the swings. And you will never make that mistake again.

I agree with others
tell your Grand daughters mum that as she chose not to have a party anywhere can you have £200 back and tell her to keep the £50 for Sealife
Tell her you would like to take your Grand daughter out yourself
if you don’t get your money back have a word with your son

You have no idea about how much these things cost.

But you pay after that , so there would be no reason to mention the child went over the free time and then say the son contributed some money towards this, why would he do this if it wasnt for work reasons and op didn't complain the daughter in law was putting the child into nursery to go out and about... so I'm assuming ( and I really hate to make up stories ) op has suddenly decided to claim the dil doesn't work, her answers about this are vague and angry . She was happy enough when everyone was putting down the dil but now the spotlights on her son she's not best pleased. Maybe the dil and the ops son are both silly with money, maybe not but op if I were you I wouldn't put down someone else when you're own son sounds problematic himself.