Gave Granddaughter's Mum £250 towards her 3rd birthday party

[TheBuffetInspector]

She couldn't decide which nursery friends to invite. Whether it would be 360 or local Wacky.

I gave her £250 towards either.

She's going to Sea-Life Centre with her Mum.

So, not only no party. No invite either.

I'm a bit pissed off to be honest.

They all sound as bad as each other. Poor kid.

I had similar OP. My sister was going to have a Christening for her son but was struggling for money. I gave her the money to pay for the catering. The Christening never happened! However, she's my sister so I never mentioned it but I understand your frustration.

I guess the learning here is to offer to cover a cost directly. So ask for an invoice you can pay directly to a company, and not hand over any cash. It’s a shame that’s necessary though.

Of course she's immature. That's not a criticism. She's just taken £250 which was given as a gift by a relative in good faith for a birthday party for her child, and presumably used it for something else. That's objectively wrong, no matter what her financial situation is, and it's not how a mature adult manages financial hardship.

She is clearly still young and immature and trying to manage this situation in ways that are not going to benefit her in the long term.

I didn't say she's not working hard - these two things aren't incompatible.

I suggested OP should keep supporting her whilst being more wary of giving her cash. Or alternatively, making peace with the fact that this will happen.

God you’d all love my son’s father. Works cash in hand claims benefits and I get the absolute jackpot of £29 a MONTH. 😂

What are you on about?

Message her saying you understand if she needed the money to have her awful lips and eyebrows sorted out 😂

But the money was for a party.

Indeed. I doubt there will be any answer or to the question of why her son doesn't work.

I think you'll find that if you read the entire thread, then you shall find the answer to the question you so desperately seek.

For what reason, I don't know.

@IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle I hope it leaves you giddy with happiness and rubbing your grotty hands with glee.

You have claimed that splitting up with his partner renders him homeless and incapable of working. And something about "renters".

Goodness knows why splitting up with his girlfriend should do either of those things.

Yes I was just referring to UK overall. I’m sure it will vary geographically. I’m also 40 with a 6 year old and a 3 year old so I get you, although I’m one of the younger ones in my area! I think having young children can feel like hard work whatever age you are. Young mums might have more freedom in their 40s, but I loved the freedom I had in my 20s. Possibly the mums you are jealous of now were jealous of you when you were all in your 20s!

I do see your point but i think a party for age 3 that's anything other than a very small gathering is not a great idea. We had the traditional big party for family at age 1, small family gathering at 2 and 3, few friends at 4, whole class at 5.

Perhaps the father is looking after the child, 50% of the time? And if not, perhaps he should?

There's no reason why the child mother should not get a job and provide for her child just as much as the child's father should.

Inflammatory nonsense, the mother was an adult woman, why on earth would you describe an adult woman as a 'young girl'?

How do you think the mom is providing housing for her child? She doesn't work! She is also relying on us taxpayers to sort her out, just as much as the child's father.

Precisely…maybe they could BOTH be so much more responsible.

I love it when people make stuff up. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I'd love to get £84 a month from my ex for our DS, but I get a big fat 0 even though he's working. Nob. 😡 My electricity/gas bill has nearly tripled this month, but he's in debt so he can't afford child maintenance. 🙄 Not my problem.

Dunno who the 19 year old is, the OP has clarified their ages.

I did laugh at the last sentence 'not a fan of relationships like these'

To lighten the mood, I'd like to add that when I was 20,21 I was a MASSIVE fan of 25 year olds, and so we're my mates. Found 20 year old men too silly! Big fan of 'relationships like these' lol

did she know that was supposed to go towards a birthday party? or did she think it was a present?

You getting 0 doesn’t mean that someone else is OK to barely support their child. No one should be grateful for the bare minimum (or less than).

I’m sort of torn here. I think once you’ve “gifted” money you don’t really get a say over how it’s spent.
That said, she’s clearly not spent £250 on one day out at the Sea life centre. At least she did take your GD somewhere though and I am sure your GD had a lovely time. I took my niece there for her 3rd birthday and she absolutely loved it.
In future spend the £250 on a lovely day out (or two) with your GD and yourself.