Who is unreasonable re fuel?

[Washinginthesun]

Genuinely not sure.
I drive to uni every day. My friend usually lives on campus but is at home this week.
She’s asked me for a lift. She lives on the next street.
Obviously I said yes but asked if she’d split fuel costs for the journeys. She says I’m being unreasonable as I’d be going anyway. I’ve always contributed fuel money if someone gives me a lift somewhere.
We’re at a bit of a stalemate.

I probably wouldn't have asked for petrol money in your situation BUT I definitely would not have called a driving friend unreasonable to ask for it.

As others have said, make sure she meets you at your house at a specified time. If she’s not there, no lift. Same coming home - you leave when suits you.

For those saying OP is trying to make a quick buck - I think you’ve forgotten how hard up you are as a student!

YANBU. It’s your car, you had to pay for it. You also have to find money for road tax, insurance, servicing, fuel. She made the choice to use her finances differently, so she is not entitled to free rides just because you have a car. It’s all wear and tear on your vehicle when you start giving out lifts. If she wants to ride with you then she has to contribute to running costs. I notice that most of my posts end with ‘Tell them to FO’ I think that we could use this again on this post.

When I was at Uni ride shares were a legit way to earn money. It was an unwritten rule that fuel money would be payed no matter the circumstances.

I knew people that would fund their drinking and eating for the week by loading up their car and driving home for the weekend and getting everyone back on Sunday night.

So with that lens yes she should chip in.

Yes seriously.

The driver making the journey anyway is moot because it is still at a cost, not for free.

Because it's normal to help friends when you can? I wholeheartedly agree. But - friendship is reciprocal. So, to be a friend, the passenger should offer petrol money. That would be kind and helpful like you say! Then the driver can reciprocate and be helpful in return by giving them a lift and, to be an even better friend, to say no to petrol money if they wanted.

I would want a friendship with someone respectful and good mannered.

Friendship is a mutual relationship and works both ways.

Long term yes, can see that as the difference between having to get the bus and the inconvenience of cost/queues/weather/comfort/timing Vs sitting in a car and going straight from A to B.

If I were the friend I'd definitely be paying towards fuel for comfort alone.

I wouldn’t have asked in this situation. But I would have offered if I was the friend. And very cheeky indeed for the friend to say no! Making it clear she’s keen to be a free loader.

I had a friend who used to insist on taking turns, not just with driving but with absolutely everything we did. It was infuriating because she would say 'let's go to....somewhere 80 miles away...for my turn then when it was her turn it would be ok to drive 7 miles. No petrol offered but she'd 'buy me lunch'. She was the tightest person I had ever met and it ended our friendship because I got sick and tired of the tit for tat. Even at the movies we had to take turns. I remember her taking a massive hump at a theme park because I got to ride a roller coaster she wouldn't go on one more time than her chosen ride because the queue was shorter. If a meal on my side came to one pound more than hers, she'd insist on a drink at the bar.

Not that this helps you - I think you should get some help from her re petrol but this particular ex friend of mine has scarred me for life.

Yes.
She needs to pay.
She should be offering as well not putting you in a difficult position of having to ask.
If she took a train she’d have to pay ( a lot more) so I suppose that’s what she might be stuck with having to do.

remember it’s not just the petrol either. She’s not having to fork out tax and insurance and mot costs.

Oh I wouldn’t be taking her. I’d make excuses not to have to tbh

I love my peace in my car at the beginning and end of the day (similar distance) and it’s the time I prepare or reflect.

Yes I had that with taking our kids to cricket matches.
She apparently couldn’t cope with driving long distances so I found myself taking her and her kids on the away matches whilst she did the closer to home ones.

A one off lift, fair enough. However a 45 minute each way journey every day for a week, then I would expect to share fuel costs. Especially given current COL situation, price of fuel and presumably limited income as student.

Same. It’s not as if you’re using any more petrol because she’s in the car.

I used to drop a work colleague off sometimes on my way home. They used to buy me the odd packet of cigarettes or a record. Just as a recognition.

A bar of your favourite chocolate wouldn't go amiss in these circumstances

You dont know much about physics then, do you?

Do you need to leave any earlier in the morning? Does she arrive at your house first or do you go and pick her up? If you pick her up from her house, is she ready to go when you arrive or do you need to wait around for her?

When you arrive at uni, does she expect you to drop her off anywhere or do you park in your usual place?

When you leave at the end of the day, do you determine what time you leave? Do you need to wait around for her? If you wanted to go to the library or go for coffee, are you able to do this or does she ask to go home because she wants or needs to be home by a certain time?

If everything is down to your schedule, what time you set off or leave etc. then it would be nice of her to offer a contribution.
But if you change your plans to accommodate her needs then I would expect her to contribute towards travel costs.

If it is as you describe, GOD NO. As a permanent thing, then yes, you’d agree to split fuel, that’s social convention. As a very short term thing, when you are going there anyway - fuck no.

Here is the ‘dance’. They offer. You refuse. The end. That’s normal. If you either agree, or ask, this whole interaction will become the fodder of BBQ conversation, with you being labelled an extreme social weirdo for 3 years minimum (estimate)🤣.

She is a friend, she lives in the next street, you are going to the same place, it’s only for a week.

It wouldn’t cross my mind to charge her for petrol.

Would be reviewing the friendship if I was the friend
It shows you put a monetary value on friendships and might not have her back in any given circumstance as you are too busy looking at how you can make money out of her

This split in opinions on this are so interesting! clearly shows everyone's perspective is different.

I don't think either of you are acting like friends. personally I wouldn't have asked for a contribution from a friend as I'd be doing the journey anyway and sharing the drive with a friend for a week would be quite novel. although her response is not the response I'd expect from a friend, and if I'd been asked to contribute and wasn't expecting that I would definitely contribute rather than make any comment on it!
Unless there's some other background where the friend takes the piss or is stingy etc, or is an acquaintance rather than a friend

The utter cheek of it. She wants to benefit from your having a car. Therefore she should pay towards it.

An extra 100pounds in weight increases mpg by 2% apparently ( I just googled 😃) .

So friend + luggage = more petrol consumption

a good reason to empty all the stuff from the boot

It's not 'making money out of her' though. A small contribution towards petrol is probably far less than the bus fare. What friend wouldn't be happy to contribute?

So she gets a weeks free commute but you don't? YANBU

It is making money out of her when you do the journey anyway.

It would be her helping you out towards the cost while you also help her out with a cheaper lift. That would be a friendship.

Well that’s not true because having more weight in a car does use more fuel.

She’s asking for a lift for a week, which also means you have to go and leave at set times. I would definitely be offering a contribution to the petrol - your friend is saving money by not taking public transport/using their own car. OP has to pay petrol to get to where she’s going, that’s not free.