Who is unreasonable re fuel?

[Washinginthesun]

Genuinely not sure.
I drive to uni every day. My friend usually lives on campus but is at home this week.
She’s asked me for a lift. She lives on the next street.
Obviously I said yes but asked if she’d split fuel costs for the journeys. She says I’m being unreasonable as I’d be going anyway. I’ve always contributed fuel money if someone gives me a lift somewhere.
We’re at a bit of a stalemate.

I wouldn’t ask but it would be nice if she offered.

The fact you’ve asked and she’s refusing would really piss me off though. Yes you’re already going that way but surely it would cost her a lot more to get public transport than splitting the petrol cost. I imagine a lot longer too. If she doesn’t want to split she can get the bus or whatever, bet she changes her mind quickly!

Personally if it's a friend I wouldn't charge her.

But I would expect her to offer, and me to then say don't worry about it.

Her attitude would bother me. Most of my friends would offer without me having to ask.

In your situation I don't think I'd give her a lift.

I wouldn't charge in that situation. And if I was the recipient of the lifts, I'd probably be surprised to be asked for cash, but would pay up as long as the amount asked was in line with half of actual costs. I would have planned to buy lunch on the Friday/buy a round/flowers and chocs instead of cash as that seems a bit more "thanks for the lift, my friend" rather than a transactional "I'll only do you a favour if there's something in it for me".

Nothing to do with people thinking that the world owes them free lifts. It is more to do with how people manage their friendships.

I wouldn't be interested in friendships that were that petty and transactional, personally. In my mind, that's not how friendship works.

Neither the OP nor her friend sound like the kind of people I would want to build friendships with.

This really...

Or at least she could shout you lunch or an after uni drink/coffee.

This!

If you werent around, she would have to PAY to go, wouldnt she?

Whether by boat, train, moped or hovercraft - there is a cost involved.

You going is a red herring. Either she pays or she can fuck off and make her own way there.

So many wet lettuces out there. Fuck her OP - no money, no lift, not your problem.

If roles were reversed, would you offer petrol money if you were the hopeful passenger?

I didn't drive at uni, best friend did. I didn't offer petrol money every single time we shared a journey but I did offer regularly.

When you claim car expenses at work, you're compensated not just for the petrol but for wear & tear. Technically, this will be a little more with an extra passenger.

I agree that as she lives very close it seems a bit much to ask for petrol money but if its a regular thing then petrol money should be offered regardless. Also if I were to ask my friend who lived next door to regularly join her on her daily journey to work because we worked in the same place I would both offer petrol money and expect to be asked for it.

So, in short yanbu.

Seriously?

Because she is making the journey anyway?

Because it won't cost her any extra?

Because it's normal to help friends when you can?

Because most people aren't that transactional about their relationships?

Off topic but you need a better tariff! Assuming you’re charging at home. Costs me £3.35 for a full charge on mine at 6.7p a unit overnight. If you’re charging out and about though that makes sense, not really as economically advantageous if you’re charging away from home unfortunately.

I’ve driven a colleague to work last week and this. I drive past his estate, so only go maybe 2 minutes ‘out of my way’. It wouldn’t have occurred to me to ask for money. The extra weight in the car has made no notable difference to my fuel consumption. I suppose it’s semi-transactional, as I know that if I need a similar favour, he’ll help me out.

But the fact you asked and she said no is rude.

I think it would be nice to offer
DD recently got a lift from a Uni friend who was going home for the weekend and lives half an hour from us (we collected her from a convenient place on the way)
DD offered to contribute to the fuel and when her friend said no I bought her a Maccers when we met to collect DD instead.

I would never ask for fuel money for short term lift, but if I’d asked a friend and they asked for money I’d pay without pushing back. I’d also feel like they didn’t view me as a particularly good friend. It’s different if she’s generally pushy and asks for things a lot (maybe since she didn’t just agree to pay?) but it’s nice to do little favours maybe you’ll need one next time :)

This exactly

If she doesn't want to contribute she can get the bus? Or buy her own car after paying for driving lessons and test and insurance and tax etc?
How entitled can you be?
You're saving her money/energy.
If she doesn't get it then fuck her.

if you pick her up you are going out of your way and she should have offered petrol money. If she comes round to your place I probably wouldnt have asked - but if she didnt offer something the friendship would suffer.

Voted NBU - it's CF territory to ask for a whole week of lifts and offer nothing.

How do you get free electricity?

I assume you are paying for road tax, insurance, MOTs, maintenance etc?

I can’t bear stingy people. Imagine asking your mate for fuel money for a journey you’re doing anyway.

Wider context also matters here.

If friend has history for taking advantage then the op is right to insist upon petrol money.

If the op is perhaps a little under-generous or keeps a tight reign in her spending, then she might be taking it too far in this instance.

Ultimately yes its nice even friendships don't expect recompense for sharing a journey one is making anyway, but it's one of those friendship things that shouldn't be expected.

if you are committed to giving a (CF) person a lift you are automatically disadvantaging yourself for the period.

IME they are late when you pick them up, they don't want to fit into your regular going home schedule and have extra requests about leaving earlier/later than you want.

You don't get your 45 minutes alone time prepping for the day, or decompressing for the day.

In OPs shoes: if i was going to give the lift, because of kindness, there would be rules.
-She is ready to leave when i arrive, even if i am a couple of minutes late.
-She leaves when i want to leave, and that includes if i want to stay for an hour or so in the library at the end of the day.
-I choose the music
-there is no eating or drinking in the car

if i was asking for a lift i would automatically always offer to contribute to petrol. If i was giving the lift i might accept a small contribution, but that is it. But i don't think it's outrageous to share petrol costs.

If you literally live on the next street and you’re going that way anyway then YABU.

If this was a long term thing then I’d expect her to offer some money but for 1 week I wouldn’t.

YANBU OP and extra person in the car causes more fuel used, simple physics- more weight = more power needed to move.

Yabu
You're going anyway
Would never ask my friend for money for a one of journey

I don't drive so I'm always the one getting the favour of a lift. In return I will either give the driver some money towards fuel or I will pay for their entrance into whatever we're going to, or pay for their lunch. I don't do it every single time if it's a regular thing, but enough to cover the favour.

I do think it's a bit mean to expect a friend to chip in for fuel when you were already going there, but equally I'd expect the friend to offer something to cover it, so not to take the piss. Friend is not being reasonable to refuse, imo.