Who is unreasonable re fuel?

[Washinginthesun]

Genuinely not sure.
I drive to uni every day. My friend usually lives on campus but is at home this week.
She’s asked me for a lift. She lives on the next street.
Obviously I said yes but asked if she’d split fuel costs for the journeys. She says I’m being unreasonable as I’d be going anyway. I’ve always contributed fuel money if someone gives me a lift somewhere.
We’re at a bit of a stalemate.

Me too.

I tend to thing the principle of treating people as you would like them to treat you is a pretty good starting point for virtually every interaction.

When I can, I help other folk out, and, when needed, I have no qualms about asking for help.
Very often, the people I can help won't be the same people who helped me, but I like to think - like most normal people - they will then help someone else out when they can, and so the world goes round.

For one week when you are going anyway, I wouldn't charge a friend. How far is it? Do you even know how much it would be??

It’s just the decent thing to offer fuel money. It’s normally cheaper than taking public transport .

My friend used to pay for parking. That was a good compromise.

The friend is being unreasonable as her share of cost of fuel pays for the convenience of getting to and from Uni, otherwise she would be paying for public transport.
If she still thinks half tge fuel costs is unfair, let her make her own way there.

For a week, on a route I'm already driving i wouldn't ask. I'd be hurt if I was your friend and you did

Obviously if it was a permanent thing, or I had to drive out my way it might be different

This. The level of entitlement!

The thing is, though, that none of us on this thread know how 'friendly' and generous OP's friend is normally.

It might well not be paranoia if OP knows very well that the friend has solid form for having 3 foot-deep pockets and never ever giving anything back, be it money or anything else, whilst always having her hand out to take.

We have no way of knowing either way.

Years ago, my husbands work colleague was generous enough to offer to take him to and from where they were seconded too.

the bus passes £7 a week, (but nearly two hours bus journey each way) which my husband used to give him fir fuel. He was embarrassed to take it,

Hubbys colleague would be sitting out there half hour early minimum, reading a book, eating breakfast, meditating for all I know, I used to ask him in, but that was his “quiet time” and the £7 a week he gave to his children.

My husband was grateful for the lift, his colleague and him became and still are extremely good friends, but no price can be put on personal space

I would offer a lift as a friend
I would offer payment as a friend

i’d say you are friends for now but not lifelong friends so depends how you value the friendship

How would she travel if you didn't give her a lift? Would that cost her money? I agree I would always offer to contribute as not only is that the fair thing to do, but also she has the convenience of a free door to door taxi service. It's taking advantage of your friendship and using you as a free taxi service so sounds rather entitled to just to expect to make no contribution.

How much money is involved ?What does it cost you to drive that journey and how much are you asking her for?

Given its not a usual thing (I assume she doesn't have form for being a CF) I'd just give my friend a lift, but I like my friends and they are good people. I wouldn't even think of asking for money (equally mine wouldn't ask me)

You didn’t offer. They asked you for the lift. These are your terms. Yes you would be going anyways but that’s not the point. They are wanting to save money - fine. It would be nice if you could too. They can still contribute. Your ‘mate’ is being a CF. Are they the usual tight-fisted, last-one-to-buy-the-round type?

i never ask for fuel money, and i certainly wouldn't accept it if it was offered to me on a journey i would be doing whether i had the passenger or not.

This

I wouldn’t personally be asking a friend for petrol money if they were going to the same place I was.
I don’t think I’ve ever asked anyone for petrol money in any situation to be honest. So my view is probably pointless!

I wouldn't ask for petrol money if i was going there anyway it's not like it's costing you money taking her

So the friend gets to profit from Op?

@diddl it wouldn't of occurred to me to think of it as my friend making a profit but I suppose it can be turned round the op would be making a profit if the friend gave her money as she will be spending the same on fuel with or without her friend in the car

To me friends help each other out do each other favours so i wouldn't even think of asking for money i would want to help my friend by saving her the hassle of getting public transport not splitting hairs falling out over a couple of quid but maybe that's just how me and my friends work things between us

Is that how people feel about doing a favour for a friend?

They are students. It's 90 minutes driving daily for 5 days. It's a lot of petrol. It's not the 1980s or 90s any more. Things are tight for students, especially for those whose parents can't or won't support them. Posters answering about what they would do, are not necessarily in touch with the OP and their peers. You can split the cost of an uber now. You can go as a group for food and pay for your own food and drink individually. It's really out of step with the times to refuse to contribute. In fact it's a total piss-take. It's not an overstep at all to expect a contribution.

Things were tight for a lot of students in the 80s and 90s too! Whether or not you got any grant at all depended on parents income and like today, not all parents gave money. People have always been able to pay for food and drink individually or split bills. That isn't recent. It is still stingy to ask for petrol money for an occasional short journey that you would be doing anyway.

It’s stingy to ask for a lift and not offer petrol money 🤷‍♀️

Thankfully it seems to be a very "MN only" view. Nobody I know in real life is as petty as people on here appear to be!

I don't think it's petty to want petrol money.

I also think it's very rude to ask for a lift & not expect to contribute at all.