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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who is unreasonable re fuel?

370 replies

Washinginthesun · 08/04/2025 11:54

Genuinely not sure.
I drive to uni every day. My friend usually lives on campus but is at home this week.
She’s asked me for a lift. She lives on the next street.
Obviously I said yes but asked if she’d split fuel costs for the journeys. She says I’m being unreasonable as I’d be going anyway. I’ve always contributed fuel money if someone gives me a lift somewhere.
We’re at a bit of a stalemate.

OP posts:
faerietales · 09/04/2025 09:17

diddl · 09/04/2025 08:59

I think that driving someone for one and a half hours a day for a week is a big favour & I don't see why someone wanting that favour wouldn't initially offer to pay.

I don't see that as transactional, just paying my way on this occasion.

I just can’t imagine taking money off a friend for them to join me on a journey I had to do anyway - it just seems so mean-spirited to me.

I’m just glad my world isn’t filled with people who can’t seem to do anything kind for anyone without demanding something in return, it must be so miserable.

diddl · 09/04/2025 09:22

It's obviously fine if people don't want to take money.

I'm saying that I would offer, not expect to get the lift for free because the driver was going there anyway.

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 09/04/2025 10:46

TheHerboriste · 09/04/2025 08:44

Society works better when we give one another a helping hand. The woman isn’t asking for a permanent free ride, just a relatively small favour. It’s so small-minded to be keeping score.

I’d rather be in a position to extend a kindness than having to ask for one. And what goes around generally comes around.

The problem is, though, that it often doesn't work that way, with everybody taking sometimes and giving sometimes, so that it all balances out in the end.

Lots of people are life's takers, and will be constantly 'looking out for number one'. They would never give, offer or help anybody else with anything, just out of friendship or kindness.

They're often the ones who will 'just ask for a little favour' when they want something, but will expect full recompense (maybe even with a decent element of profit) for every little thing that others ask them to do, and will denounce them as rude, unreasonable and disgraceful if they don't.

I'm thinking of the countless CF threads on here, where somebody will (e.g.) enjoy totally free accommodation, meals and travel for a month's holiday as a 'favour from a friend', but when the friend notices they're low on milk and asks the guest to grab some when they're out one day, the guest will hand it over and immediately ask for their £2 back.

Of course, none of us on here know how much OP's friend gives and takes in many other ways - or possibly doesn't.

faerietales · 09/04/2025 11:01

diddl · 09/04/2025 09:22

It's obviously fine if people don't want to take money.

I'm saying that I would offer, not expect to get the lift for free because the driver was going there anyway.

IMO it’s one of those situations where it’s polite to offer but rude to accept. I would always offer money but would honestly think it’s a bit tight of someone to take it. It wouldn’t be a sign of a good friend in my opinion.

diddl · 09/04/2025 11:26

faerietales · 09/04/2025 11:01

IMO it’s one of those situations where it’s polite to offer but rude to accept. I would always offer money but would honestly think it’s a bit tight of someone to take it. It wouldn’t be a sign of a good friend in my opinion.

But you wouldn't think that you were tight for expecting to pay nothing for being driven everyday for a week?

ZoggyStirdust · 09/04/2025 12:09

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/04/2025 23:01

I will check my maths if you learn to read a full post.

I didnt claim that I made these calculations.

You believed it when it’s clearly nonsense

EmeraldShamrock000 · 09/04/2025 12:12

I suppose she should pay for half of the fuel.
I'd be mortified to ask for money, when I was going that way and it was a short term favour.
I would more embarrassed to refuse a payment, if asked, I would probably offer to start with.

ZoggyStirdust · 09/04/2025 12:14

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/04/2025 23:02

And further, how do you know its not true?

Can you provide more accurate figures please because I, and I am sure many others, would be very interested to know.

Someone else did. I think they worked out the weight adds c2% to the fuel cost

average fuel cost assuming 35 mpg and 1.40 per litre is 1.4x4.565/35=18.26p per mile

the additional weight adds 0.365p per mile

a 45 min trip assuming 30mph is 22.5 miles. So for each return trip the extra weight of a passenger costs 16.434p in total

faerietales · 09/04/2025 12:16

diddl · 09/04/2025 11:26

But you wouldn't think that you were tight for expecting to pay nothing for being driven everyday for a week?

No, I don’t think it’s remotely tight to ask for a lift from someone who you know is making the journey already.

OP is free to say no if she doesn’t want to, it’s the asking for money that just seems unpleasant to me.

CandyCane457 · 09/04/2025 12:36

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 09/04/2025 08:05

It just really betrays such a selfish, entitled mindset.

What would she have said if you'd offered to provide the car and drive it as your generous contribution, but as she was needing to go there anyway, she could pay for all of the petrol and you and the other girl would tag along for free, every single time, as it wouldn't cost her any extra for you to do so?

I really don't get why being the one who owns the car - and already pays all of the considerable costs and maintenance - and can drive 'earns' you the 'privilege' of paying for all of the petrol for joint journeys as well.

Just because a joint cost isn't broken down into individual 'per person' prices, that doesn't automatically mean that everybody shouldn't pay their own share.

What next? Housemates expecting one person to pay for all the electricity for the heating and lighting, as it would cost the same if they lived alone? Would it be fair with a house with 6 (non-exempt, equally earning) adults in it for one to be expected to pay the base 75% of the council tax that a single adult occupant would incur on their own anyway, then the other 5 only pay the 5% each that it costs extra to make it up to the full 100%?

The other girl clearly understood that she was getting a good deal for a comfortable, convenient door-to-door ride and was happy to contribute for it; how odd that the CF believed that she should have exactly the same, but fully subbed by others.

Hear hear! Thanks so much- so glad it’s not just me who feels this way anout the situation! I regret SO MUCH now that I’m older and more confident in myself, not calling it out more at the time!

diddl · 09/04/2025 13:10

No, I don’t think it’s remotely tight to ask for a lift from someone who you know is making the journey already.

Of course it's not tight to ask!😂

Floundering66 · 09/04/2025 13:17

I definitely wouldn’t ask a friend for petrol money if they only needed a lift for one week. Different if it’s a regular occurrence. But I like my friends and don’t charge them for favours.

FlowerFairy12 · 09/04/2025 13:21

I think you’re being a bit mean actually. If it’s a one off and she’s a good friend, are you willing to lose a friendship over a couple of quid? You’re going there anyway! If she was asking you daily to drive 20 miles in the opposite direction and not pay fuel the that would be different but I think you’re being petty. Don’t you like her?

diddl · 09/04/2025 14:40

If Op's friend doesn't think she should pay, I wonder what her other plan to get there for free is if Op says no?

bigboykitty · 09/04/2025 15:45

She could post on Facebook, @diddl , that she needs a lift to and from uni every day for a week and that as the lift giver will already be making that journey she won't be making any financial contribution. She should get some interesting replies...

cunoyerjudowel · 09/04/2025 15:48

So I think if it was permanent I would old ask or expect her to offer but if it’s a temporary thing I would say Yabu expecting it but she is also for not offering- it’s more politeness she should offer but a bit grabby to ask if you get me.

youre not out of pocket for doing a friend a favour but out of politeness she should offer- almost like the person who invited the other should pay for coffee- not because they owe them but to be polite

hope that makes sense

pearbottomjeans · 09/04/2025 15:48

IMO, YABU, either give a lift to your friend, or don’t. She’s right, you’re going anyway. CBA with penny pinching like that.

If i was giving a lift I’d never expect payment. I give people lifts all the time. My friend took both my kids to camp yesterday, and brought them back, no one expects any payment. It’s life and being a friend 🤷‍♀️

wombat15 · 09/04/2025 16:27

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/04/2025 20:16

I was a student then. Back in the good old days when we got a grant and tuition fees plus accommodation was cheap and some students lived in squats. It’s like comparing chalk and cheese.

We didn't all get grants. It depended on parents income as it does today with loans. It's true that there were no tuition fees but that isn't paid while a student.

Panterusblackish · 09/04/2025 16:30

Duckyfondant · 08/04/2025 12:05

You don't sound like a friend. It won't cost you extra

Car will be less fuel efficient due to the weight.

So it nay not be a big difference but it will cost more.

CarpetKnees · 09/04/2025 16:51

YABVVVU

You clearly also have a different definition of the word 'friend' from me.

You are going anyway !!

More than likely, your friend would have offered to treat you to something had you given her a chance, but you'll never find out due to your petty meanness.

ClaredeBear · 09/04/2025 17:04

This is a favour you could do for her that will cost you nil quids. I can’t understand why you wouldn’t but if those are the rules she’ll need to pay. I hope you can rely on her for a favour in the future.

TheHerboriste · 09/04/2025 17:34

Panterusblackish · 09/04/2025 16:30

Car will be less fuel efficient due to the weight.

So it nay not be a big difference but it will cost more.

Oh, for god’s sake.

I hope i never become this stingy.

TheHerboriste · 09/04/2025 17:37

faerietales · 09/04/2025 08:52

Because life shouldn’t just be a series of monetary transactions where nobody is ever kind or helpful.

I’m increasingly glad I don’t live in MN world where everything is transactional - it must be such a miserable way to live life, only ever helping anyone when you get paid or get an immediate favour done in return.

well said.

one really wonders how some people were raised, to be so paranoid that someone is going to take advantage of them.

Mackerelfillets · 09/04/2025 18:26

I think she's being unreasonable not to offer. However if she's brassic and you're going anyway I would take her, but I'd make her walk round to meet you in the morning and I'd drop her off at the door on the way back.

knor · 09/04/2025 18:56

I think if you were always going to be driving her then yeah, petrol money is expected but for a random week and she can literally meet you at your house, it’s a bit stingey of you