Who is unreasonable re fuel?

[Washinginthesun]

Genuinely not sure.
I drive to uni every day. My friend usually lives on campus but is at home this week.
She’s asked me for a lift. She lives on the next street.
Obviously I said yes but asked if she’d split fuel costs for the journeys. She says I’m being unreasonable as I’d be going anyway. I’ve always contributed fuel money if someone gives me a lift somewhere.
We’re at a bit of a stalemate.

Now I wouldn’t have asked for petrol money. However now that she’s said no then I’d be petty and not take her

This.

If I was the friend I'd absolutely be offering some money. I'd find it quite rude not to! Especially at 45 mins each way - that's quite a hefty journey otherwise, especially on public transport.

Plus having to lift share sucks. No flexibility. No unashamed loud singing in the morning. No farting.

@Washinginthesun if she's not willing to pay, then I'd perhaps be a little pedantic e.g. go in super early one of the mornings, or have to take a detour on the way home for a while.

Guess depends how good a friend they are.

Easy to spot the non drivers on this thread!

Weight makes a difference to fuel consumption. It takes more effort, and therefore fuel, to move a heavy load than it does a light load, simple science. So it will cost the OP more in fuel that week. why should she be out of pocket?

ETA - According to google AI (yes I know, but its a guide) it cost between 13p and 18p per mile for each passenger in a car. So thats what it will cost the OP.

She's a cf. Stand your ground.

If you’re chatty BFF’s then I can’t see why you’d ask for fuel money. But if she’s a kinda friend then 90min in a car each day is actually a big ask. I love just blasting music and being on my own so suddenly having a passenger who thinks I’m doing them no favour wouldn’t be happening. I assume OP pays for some sort of parking as well. I don’t think asking for £5/day or whatever is a huge ask.

It's long enough to be a hassle. She should have offered the cash, as any reasonable person would have.

She is gaining a benefit by coming with you. Do your lessons start at the same time? Do you finish at the same time? If the answer is no then don't inconvenience yourself. If you want to go somewhere else after uni then say sorry, I'm going to visit XYZ or going into town.
You are not a taxi. It will annoy you. They don't have to pay every day but even a token gesture of £10 would be welcome.

forgot to say, make sure they come to you not you go to them if you do give the lift. they need to be there by 8:15 or you are leaving and not waiting.

I’m a driver and a lift giver. I’m not going to weigh my passengers to decide what to charge them for a lift!

For a few days I’d never expect compensation.
Too transactional for me.

she is unreasonable to not offer something, even a meal out or a gift voucher.

13p per mile per person!!
check your maths, that’s bonkers and nowhere near true.

As a driver myself. YABU if you’re going there anyway!

I will check my maths if you learn to read a full post.

I didnt claim that I made these calculations.

And further, how do you know its not true?

Can you provide more accurate figures please because I, and I am sure many others, would be very interested to know.

I am cringing for you OP. I'd expect a contribution for a long term arrangement but for a week or so? I couldn't ask but an offer would be nice (I'd refuse)

As you are going anyway, I think you are unreasonable to ask. But as you have asked, I think she is unreasonable to say no.

That sounds a bit ropey, wherever it got those figures from.

Yes, it does make some difference, when you have more weight in the car; but if a standard car already weighs something like between 1,000 and 2,500kg and it costs maybe 15-30p per mile to shift it, that would surely mean that a person costing 13p would have to weigh somewhere upwards of 800kg to cost that much - 127 stone!!

Can’t be that easy after all considering I do drive 🤔

I don’t believe those stats at all by the way - 18p per mile for someone sat in your passenger seat? Nah.

It just really betrays such a selfish, entitled mindset.

What would she have said if you'd offered to provide the car and drive it as your generous contribution, but as she was needing to go there anyway, she could pay for all of the petrol and you and the other girl would tag along for free, every single time, as it wouldn't cost her any extra for you to do so?

I really don't get why being the one who owns the car - and already pays all of the considerable costs and maintenance - and can drive 'earns' you the 'privilege' of paying for all of the petrol for joint journeys as well.

Just because a joint cost isn't broken down into individual 'per person' prices, that doesn't automatically mean that everybody shouldn't pay their own share.

What next? Housemates expecting one person to pay for all the electricity for the heating and lighting, as it would cost the same if they lived alone? Would it be fair with a house with 6 (non-exempt, equally earning) adults in it for one to be expected to pay the base 75% of the council tax that a single adult occupant would incur on their own anyway, then the other 5 only pay the 5% each that it costs extra to make it up to the full 100%?

The other girl clearly understood that she was getting a good deal for a comfortable, convenient door-to-door ride and was happy to contribute for it; how odd that the CF believed that she should have exactly the same, but fully subbed by others.

Just tell her no as her reaction was wrong. But I agree it was a bit stingy of you to ask. So neither of you are exactly generous to say the least.

Why should the friend travel for nothing?

I don't get the "going there anyway" argument.

Yes, Op is going there anyway as she pays to do so!

Society works better when we give one another a helping hand. The woman isn’t asking for a permanent free ride, just a relatively small favour. It’s so small-minded to be keeping score.

I’d rather be in a position to extend a kindness than having to ask for one. And what goes around generally comes around.

Because life shouldn’t just be a series of monetary transactions where nobody is ever kind or helpful.

I’m increasingly glad I don’t live in MN world where everything is transactional - it must be such a miserable way to live life, only ever helping anyone when you get paid or get an immediate favour done in return.

I think that driving someone for one and a half hours a day for a week is a big favour & I don't see why someone wanting that favour wouldn't initially offer to pay.

I don't see that as transactional, just paying my way on this occasion.