Who is unreasonable re fuel?

[Washinginthesun]

Genuinely not sure.
I drive to uni every day. My friend usually lives on campus but is at home this week.
She’s asked me for a lift. She lives on the next street.
Obviously I said yes but asked if she’d split fuel costs for the journeys. She says I’m being unreasonable as I’d be going anyway. I’ve always contributed fuel money if someone gives me a lift somewhere.
We’re at a bit of a stalemate.

£2 half hour journey there and back each day. Ds gets paid this by a colleague. Lots of them pay for lifts. It is very much the norm.

I had this issue when I was at uni. There were three of us living together on the same course; and had a lot of the same lectures. I was the only one with a car. It was only 15mins there and 15mins back, but I was saving them money on bus fares and time, as you have to factor in walking to the bus stop, waiting, and buses are always slower than cars.
One of the girls would give me money every Friday. Never a set amount, but she’d give me anything from £5-£10 in cash a week and I really appreciated the gesture and the contribution.
But the other…nothing. I don’t know how for shame she sat there every Friday watching another girl give me petrol money, without contributing or offering any of herself. I was a bit of a pushover back then and said nothing for a while, but then one day asked if she would start chipping in, as I felt it as unfair that our friend was paying but she wasn’t. I also said petrol costs money etc and I would appreciate a contribution. She just shrugged and said she didn’t really think she should have to, as I was going anyway so it was “nothing” for me to take her as well. But me “going anyway” saved her a lot of money over the year, and convenience. I never really pushed it, but thinking about it 15 years on makes me feel really mad!

In the 80s and 90s

She is. However, she is also right that you’re going anyway. It’s called common courtesy to at least ask.

And then that exact friend will be the same person who wants to split the bill equally when they've had 4 alcoholic drinks and the OP has had 1 soft drink and be outraged at any other suggestion and the OP will regret not pushing to get the money for this.

You are either a giver or a taker and it's never a balance.

YAbothBU.

If I was going somewhere anyway, no I wouldn’t ask a friend for petrol money. If it was adding to my cost then yes I’d ask.

If I were asking anyone for a lift, even if they were going anyway, I’d always offer petrol money.

You're doing her quite a favour - a 45 min drive each way probably means absolute min £5 and an hour each way on public transport, so she's saving over £50 for the week, whereas you're having to detour to get her, and also spend another 90 min each day making small talk.

I wouldn't mind if she genuinely was struggling to pay, but if she just feels entitled to a free taxi service from you then I'd be leaving her to it.

but even if 60-90 minutes she would still be going anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

If it’s a one off and you’re going anyway don’t see why you would ask for money. If it became a regular thing then yes.

I would NEVER expect to be given a lift for a 45 min journey each way for free, even just the once. I would always offer petrol money or buy them a gift if they refused the cash.

Therefore, I’d expect something to be offered by your friend in return for the lift as you’re saving her ££ on bus fares.

So it’s safe to assume in this case that she’s just your common or garden cheeky fucker.

So I think you’re both being a little unreasonable.

it isn’t going to cost you anymore so I wouldn’t have asked for money.

she knows it won’t cost you any extra but she shouldn’t assume so should have either ‘offered’ money or my preference is to buy you a gift for doing it.

if I had to vote on who is being more unreasonable, I would say her as it’s rude to question you asking for petrol contributions.

But it’s the inconvenience of having another person in the car with you.

I’d much rather have that 45 mins time to myself than put up with an unwanted passenger.

What on earth is inconvenient about another person sitting next to you?

Yes you’d be going anyway, but if you weren’t then she would have to pay for public transport. You are saving her money, by giving you a little money that will also save you some money so it’s a win win. Only needs to be a contribution not a lot of money.

I honestly can't imagine going through life being so cynical and miserable. I'm so glad MN world isn't my world.

If it’s a short term favour for someone I know I wouldn’t dream of asking for fuel money if I was going driving there anyway! Stingy and I think YABU However if someone asked me for fuel money I’d pay up without question (whilst muttering under my breath what a stinge bag you are 😂)

I was a student then. Back in the good old days when we got a grant and tuition fees plus accommodation was cheap and some students lived in squats. It’s like comparing chalk and cheese.

I'd say if she doesn't want to pay but does still want to come with she needs to be at your home for when you want to leave in the morning and she's getting dropped at your house when you come home. Don't go out of your way for her.

I agree with this - both seem odd and not friends

I have a friend that I drive everywhere we go together. I think it would be strange for a short journey, where we are going together to ask for petrol money for only 1 week of trips. Not even for her to offer and me refuse, that would be weird

if we’re are going anywhere a bit further out she'll always pay parking, coffee, lunch depending on where it is

has she been a CF re lifts n the past @Washinginthesun

I mean, a lot of people DO get bus journeys free and that is essentially the argument for keeping routes running or not - that enough people are paying that it still warrants running, otherwise councils/bus operators cut often routes, if, for example after rush hour it's used mainly by pensioners

While I totally get that you'd be going anyway, the courteous thing to do would be to offer fuel money. Where I come from that's a given!
The fact you had to ask and she then said no makes it awkward now. You're are not being unreasonable at all.

I used to get lifts from a friend at university with a third friend. We both gave her petrol money. I didn’t necessarily agree with the amount, but I would have been spending it anyway and I did get home faster when she drove.

I can’t really imagine charging a good friend petrol money for a one off journey I was doing anyway, but I guess it would change if they weren’t really a good friend, had history of taking advantage and/or I had a feeling it wouldn’t be a one off.

I think it depends.

If its a good friend who I know would repay a favour like this then no I wouldnt ask. Like if I needed someone to help me move house or something and she would do it, then over a long friendship these things even out so it seems churlish to ask.

If its a cheeky fucker who is always on the take or someone I dont know well enough to ask for a favour in return, then I would.

That said, if I was the friend and you asked me for petrol money I would certainly pay it. Actually I would have offered when I asked for the lift. And the fact that she is arguing about it tips her over into CF territory.

I have an electric car. where are you getting free charge from please? @Boredlass