45k salary entirely eaten by childcare

[Sofiewoo]

Granted salaries aren’t what they were only a handful of years ago but aibu to be shocked that my 45k salary is now entirely eaten by childcare and getting to work??
I figured if you are earning in the 20s you would assume that but not mid 40s!

I’m trying to weigh up whether to just take the next year and a half off instead of working for nothing. I know, pension, career blah blah but it’s mentally very difficult to juggle drop offs, work schedules and sickness but be no better off financially at the end of the month.

Did anyone else not realise it was a bad as this?

This is all very dispiriting. We pay £1700 for one child, 4 days a week.

I’ve gone back part time, not only for childcare but because I genuinely want to spend time with my child. The early years are so short.

I work in a male dominated industry and being part time you do get edged out onto boring tasks and often forgotten.

But I’d rather that then work full time. I wish we had the German option where jobs are held open (unpaid) for 3 years. I hate that it’s a societal norm to have to leave your kids this young and pay through the roof for it.

OP - do ask for part time as it’s a good balance. It’ll also give you a flavour on being off in the week and whether you’d like that full time. It’s pretty hard in the week with an over 1 due to their energy and boredom! My work days are actually a break now. 😂

I sympathise OP, it’s tough! I was in the same position when we had kids, this was almost 30 years ago, but two in nursery together wiped out my salary. This was before any free hours and also mat leave was much shorter so it was a loooong time they were in nursery as well.

my advice is to grit your teeth and just see it as a difficult stage to get through until they start school and you’re not paying full time care. I hated the fact that during this stage we were literally no better off than if gave my job up. However, I don’t regret staying in work whatsoever. Now at the other end of my working life, I have a great pension, and I’ve had various promotions over the years which would have been less likely if I’d taken time out.

the upside is once they start school, you’ll feel like you’ve hit the jackpot! You’ll hear other people who only go back to work once the kids are in school moaning about wraparound and school holiday care and you’ll wonder what on earth they’re on about, because ifs peanuts compared to full time nursery fees!

hang on in there and play the long game.

Unless your kids have changed nurseries you're imagining they may not like it- it's not based on personal experience.

You've got yourself into a cul de sac by choosing a nursery that isn't offering flexible hours, even if it was slightly cheaper.

Presumably you have no family who could care for them 1 day a week?

Also good luck finding childcare.

More are closing down than opening. I can only assume those commenting that are done with the early years and had children when there was an abundance of options. You now have to get on waiting lists before the sperm meets the egg for a chance in hell of a place where I live.

You’ll need to tread carefully with that attitude. I don’t necessarily disagree with you, but it’s an incredibly risky stance in most industries now (perhaps not yours but in many it’s poor advice). Costs are going up, turnover is flat or down, businesses aren’t charities and they don’t exist to give people the jobs they want to have - they exist to make money.

Hybrid is fine, but a refusal to come in will see many people lose their jobs.

It’s tough but the nursery years don’t last forever. To counter the ‘I don’t regret spending precious time with my children’ post/s, personally I don’t regret keeping my career on track (not a stellar career but a professional job I care about) and I’m going to be working for many years still to come so that’s important too.

I worked 4 days for a few years (which yes was a pain because I was essentially doing the ft job) so I still spent Fridays with them. If you could feasibly do 3 days a week even better - you might not zoom up the career ladder during that time but it at least helps keep a foot on the ladder.

I had twins and we simply couldn’t afford for me to work. I was a sahm until they went into school and then retrained.

consider a sabbatical or a career break if your workplace offers it. It’ll get you past the most expensive time.

some industries are easier to get back into than others. I was a teacher which was easy to get back into.

It was like this for me mid 00s when mine were born (but with smaller amounts of money - my salary then was around 25k) Even with one child I would have only taken home about £150 a week once I’d paid for nursery. Not worth missing out on those early years for that, in my opinion.
I retrained as a yoga & Pilates teacher so I could work evenings and weekends instead. Nearly 20 years on, I am now STILLa yoga & Pilates teacher (previously a software trainer) - tiny tiny pension but have loved every second of both my job and not doing the 9-5 and being around for school drop offs / pick ups etc. DH is only a middle-ish earner (60k but wasn’t always) so it’s been tough at times but worth it.

Might not be hugely helpful for you, but just to show there are other options out there provided you’re not wedded to your career.

I would gladly spend a few years at home with the kids. On mat leave ATM and dreading the juggle of two plus job when I go back. I do have a very convenient and good job ATM, but even then, nothing is guaranteed nowadays. I could get made redundant quite easily. The job market isn't easy, but I really don't see how it would be impossible to get another job, I don't think id ever regret getting that time with DC. Sadly not an option for me.

Childcare cost around London/South-East is absolutely crazy. 7 years ago we were about to pay 1200 quid per month for a 3-year old. Eventually, we put him in another nursery paying ca. 650 quid per month with 15h free childcare excluding school holidays. I can imagine the figure would be much higher today. But you need to shop around or look for other solutions, e.g. a pre-school attached to a state primary - these are much cheaper and you can sometimes pay for extended hours of care. Also, working from home would give you more flexibility and less stress. 1 year old will be off sick a lot anyway, so it's a lot of stress in itself. Maybe a childminder would be more convienient and cheaper?

im not wedded to my career but I am wedded to the idea of not being poor in my old age - look what labour ddi with winter fuel allowance…3 years out of pension contributions out now is worth double of you try and put them in later…what would your plan be to recover those missed contributions?

They matter immensely. They afford you independce. I wouldn't give that up at any cost!

I know its a shock, bit it's not all your salary - it's half. You and your DH are a team. If you're not, that's even more reason to keep working.

I’m not assuming they won’t like it, I’m just saying based on the fact that I’ve recently settled 2 different children into nursery it takes time for them to adjust!
You need to stagger them, they’re upset with the unfamiliar faces etc.
You can’t just swap nurseries and business as usual.

With the figures quoted for nursery fees why aren't more using childminders? A person looking after a couple of children in own home might be preferential? More individual attention too.

Some women want to work full time though. Those who don’t will likely accept the career damage and therefore decrease of future earning potential – though I think many don’t realise how much is does damage until they try to get back in. To feel forced into it with the assurance it’s sensical is a problem.

It’s just yet another lie women are fed.

Wow, I just went to look at the fee structure for my kids old nursery and worked out I would have been paying similar to you OP.

Mine are 10 and 12 now and I always say those early years are the most expensive. For us it felt like at the time we just had to work through it because apart from stopping work there's no alternative. In terms of whether you should take the next year and a half off I guess it depends...

1 - Will your eldest be starting school in September? If so think how this will change chiildcare costs going forwards. Alternatively if you are going to take time off, now, in their last half year before school, would be an ideal time to take off if you can?
2 - Do you have a partner contributing to the household? If so, its really half their contribution and not 100% yours. Seeing it like this values your career as much as theirs.
3 - If you take a year off can you get back into work easily? In a couple of years time, how important will career progression be for you?

This was a major factor in me quitting work to be a sahm.

My DH just had to find a new job and the job market is currently very difficult in his field. Took a long time to find something, and even that was a step down. If you aren't in a field with constant demand I'd be wary about quitting completely.

Would your job extend unpaid maternity leave? Mine offered to do it for another year, to my astonishment.

In case I wasn’t clear this is something that’s been agreed with my line manager and senior manager, so perhaps “refused” wasn’t the best choice of word! I get great feedback at performance reviews and weekly reviews - all is well.

I wasn’t necessarily advising everyone to do the same, I was just saying this is what I do because the cost (and reliability) of travel is a joke - I was agreeing with the other poster who mentioned the shocking cost of travel.

Obviously it goes without saying if someone’s being threatened with being fired if they don’t come in, it wouldn’t be a great strategy.

I’ve been in this role for a while and now I’m looking for new employment in roles either within or outside my current organisation which will also allow fully remote or hybrid with occasional attendance (eg monthly meetings) there are quite a few from what I’ve seen. Not the majority but they’re there!

Ps. Re. Costs/profits many charities and other organisations have benefited on downsizing or giving up their office spaces and saving on rent by allowing people to WFH (if it’s possible) WFH is certainly not costing my workplace anymore money.

That’s obscene. I live in Germany and it was about £400 full time and people complain about it. They have no idea…

Try to stick with it or retrain, especially if you are not planning on any more children. I was in your situation 30 years ago. I felt exactly as you did, that the effort involved wasn't worth it for no financial gain. I gave up my career and never went back to it, a situation I now regret a bit. My pension is tiny. I did try to return to my career later, but found that too difficult. I have to confess, I did go on to have 2 more children which obviously didn't help with the career, and might not be something you are considering, but even with just 2 children, I wish I had found some way to continue my career as I can now see the financial situation would only have been for a few years. Think of the future rewards!

Hi OP. I'm a long time out of childcare costs, but remember the pain. Two points: this period doesn't last forever, and pension, career, blah, blah, are important points. Secondly, have you tried negotiating a pay rise? Is it time to consult a career coach and devise a strategy to go about getting more? Maybe this would be of longer-term help than cutting hours? There's a recent episode of Making Money podcast which discusses this, and may give you food for thought.

I retrained as a childminder which I did for ten years until my kids were 11 and 13. This was 20 years ago and I earned about 18k per year and had no childcare.

True, but it shouldn't automatically be the woman who downsizes her career

Can you and your partner both look at condensing your hours so you both have one week day off each to cover child care and then you could pay for either a childminder or even a part time nanny for three days a week which would be cheaper than what you’re currently paying.