45k salary entirely eaten by childcare

[Sofiewoo]

Granted salaries aren’t what they were only a handful of years ago but aibu to be shocked that my 45k salary is now entirely eaten by childcare and getting to work??
I figured if you are earning in the 20s you would assume that but not mid 40s!

I’m trying to weigh up whether to just take the next year and a half off instead of working for nothing. I know, pension, career blah blah but it’s mentally very difficult to juggle drop offs, work schedules and sickness but be no better off financially at the end of the month.

Did anyone else not realise it was a bad as this?

Guess we found the never had a job poster who’s just here to have a go!

I’m with you on 90% of what you say, OP, but there’s going to a line here with why you are posting and the suggestions you’re willing to accept. If you’re just posting to have a vent, then let that be known, because changing childcare provider is actually a very sensible option. Refusing because it’s upheaval for settling is really not a reason.

Could you take a few years off but take out a student loan to do a professional qualification/Masters? That way your ‘career break’ can be spun as ‘upskilling’ and training, rather than childcare related, and you may be able to return to work in 2 years time on a potentially higher salary? (Yes, I know you’d have the student loan, but it would just be for the fees, so about £11k plus interest to repay over the next 20 years?)

Leave work. You’ll never look back and think ‘I wish I didn’t spend that year with my babies.’

It’s just not worth busting a gut for no money and someone else seeing your children everyday.

I know a girl who went back to work after Mat Leave and after the commute and childminder fees she had a tenner a week. Her reasoning was it ‘kept her foot in the door’. It did until she was made redundant.

It’s a joke, eh OP? YANBU, of course.

Not sure if you are looking for genuine suggestions outside leaving job/keeping going as is or just wanting to moan (which is fair enough!).

Our childminder charges nothing extra on top of the funded hours, daughter goes two days a week and we pay 4 hours (7 pounds each) every week. This is zone 6 though, I realise it may be a bit more costly in zone 4. Could you choose a term-time childminder? And then use annual leave and parental leave (should be able to do about 8 months with two children) leave to keep you going until your oldest starts school?

If you are able to afford it and your husband is supportive so you share a bank account/ family money then I think it’s a wise option. I wouldn’t necessarily worry about pension personally if it’s only for 2/3 years X

I second the childminder recommendation. Seriously kids bounce. They are not fragile little flowers. Upheaval is not a reason to make yourself poorer. A good childminder is worth her/his weight in gold yet is always cheaper (probably shouldn’t be)

Some women want to work and care a lot for their careers. Don’t reduce them to being only mothers.

I stopped working for this reason. Had two children close together. Went back to work when the youngest started school full time.

Same here. North West. Just had a savage increase to my bill, it’s put an extra £250 a month on for 2 children. I’m paying £700 with 30 hours stretched and £950 with 15 stretched. It works out at just over £1400 a month after the tax free childcare is applied for both kids for 4 days a week. My commute to work costs me £50 a week. My take home pay is 2k. Surviving until the oldest starts school in September and the small one gets some more funded hours. When they are both at school it’s going to feel like I’ve won the lottery with so much extra money!

Sucking it up because I have a very generous annual leave allowance and pension that I would struggle to get if I left and went back into work later. I’m also mid 40s, late parenthood not by choice but no regrets. The nursery bill really does really suck though.

And get out with people saying ‘is it not half your husband’s bill?’. OBVIOUSLY it is, but mortgage, council tax, utilities etc aren’t free either. Many people think in terms of ‘this is equivalent to my salary’.

Agree with this

Why not try a childminder? Significantly cheaper & a better environment imo.

Yes but you will be down in pension contributions, NI credits, and career progression. You need to look at it beyond ‘my salary is equivalent to childcare bill’ because if you look at it that way, you’re the one losing out for the next few years.

It’s crap, childcare is eye watering but needs to be approached as a shared cost.

What about the other three days a week?

Yeah I’m thinking about how I could line up plans to use a potential year off productive to help my career in the long run!

Can you both reduce your hours to get a better work-life balance? Both work 4 days a week and pay for childcare for 3 days? Or move into jobs that allow you to do that? Parenting’s a job that’s hard to squeeze around 5 day a week work, even with childcare.

I wouldn’t give up work entirely mid-40s. It can be very tough to get back in. IME (late 50s) there’s a lot of ageism, especially for women.

Costs are outrageous compared to earnings: housing, energy, transport, childcare. Lots of us are working to only cover the basics. The job market’s tough, especially for young people and people who haven’t worked for a while.

You’re at the worst point, but only for a few years. It gets easier once they’re at school. But holidays can be harder to cover. So try to keep going.

But how would she know she will definitely get a job as soon as she wanted one again? She wouldn't. So she is giving up job certainty

God definitely bin it off and spend a few years with your children while they are tiny. That’s what I did. Zero regrets

It is shit OP, when mine were in nursery (twins - eye-wateringly expensive) I thought we’d never ever see the light at the end of the tunnel!! It is temporary though. One thing me and my husband did was drop a day each in the week, I took a Monday off he took a Friday. So we only needed 3 days childcare then; it worked really well for us and kept me in my career (job market has tanked).

It's only for a few years, part and parcel of being a parent I'm afraid, it can't all be handed on a plate, you wanted kids right? And you want to also work while they are toddlers so this is the reality that all parents have.

Exactly this.

Children are PEOPLE you know.

I find MN so bizarre. All those threads about how people ‘couldn’t possibly’ let their baby cry it out or sleep train because they’ll feel so abandoned and have issues… and yet a few months later they’re happy to put them in a nursery for 7 hours a day and then say, ‘Oh, just switch nurseries..’

Why did you have children?

There is not a chance in hell I’d be paying £28.5k a year to have someone else look after my babies.

I know, deep down I do know this but my pension can’t pay the bills or buy anything nice now 😭
I have a decent pension and it’s got a good contribution between myself and my employer (well good for the private sector!) but it’s so hard to only work for your pension in almost 40 years time.
Particularly when the juggle of 2x FT jobs and 2 kids involves so much.

Maybe controversial but I wouldn’t work for nothing and would forego the pension etc for a year or two. The juggle and rushing around is miserable enough and I work 3 days a week and both kids are in school. I wouldn’t work for nothing in your situation. Life’s too short.

Me too. Otherwise, genuinely, what is the point?