45k salary entirely eaten by childcare

[Sofiewoo]

Granted salaries aren’t what they were only a handful of years ago but aibu to be shocked that my 45k salary is now entirely eaten by childcare and getting to work??
I figured if you are earning in the 20s you would assume that but not mid 40s!

I’m trying to weigh up whether to just take the next year and a half off instead of working for nothing. I know, pension, career blah blah but it’s mentally very difficult to juggle drop offs, work schedules and sickness but be no better off financially at the end of the month.

Did anyone else not realise it was a bad as this?

Haha good spot!
Plus “Drop off two children to be raised by other people whilst slogging it travelling around to work your socks off for absolutely no financial benefit or stay at home and enjoy these precious years with your babies before they’re grown in a blink of an eye… wish I had the option tbh. childcare is extortionate these days.“

What a personality transplant.

It’s not required that you believe it or not. Why on earth do you feel the need to comment on my children’s personalities or behaviours?

@Sofiewoo
The answer is their is NO right answer. You can only weigh up YOUR family circumstances and try to make the decision that suits YOUR family the best.

Keeping in mind childhood is short.
So it could be a short couple of years
You earn next to nothing
You got part-time
You take time out of work.

Only you can decide what is best for you and you family.
Weighting up the stress of work and running around to childcare, race to get them home, bed and up in the morning. Verses the advantage to your career.

Part-time can sometimes be the best of both worlds, keeping a toe in the door. Or the worse, but getting all the crappy jobs because your part-time and don't really count.

Or taking time out completely. The uncertainty of getting back into the workplace and when is the right time to do that.

I did initially return to work and felt I didn’t have the option but actually when you sit down and go through finances there’s usually a way around these things through sacrifices.

Yes I sacrifice expensive bags and material items for myself for my children to have stability. I don’t think when they’re older they’ll turn around and say ‘I wish you didn’t spend so much time with us and had some killer shoes instead’

honestly, it’s not the big things in life that are the most important. It’s all the little things like time, loyalty, love, stability, safety, happiness (and many more) that make our children feel content and at ease to blossom

So you worked when they were young but we so selfless and took time out so that you could be free for 6.5 hours a day while they are at school but get off on posting comments for other women about “hiding from their responsibilities” for working.
This might be news to you, but most women in the UK don’t work so they can buy designer handbags or material items for themselves.

Honestly the more you post the more I think you must be a bloke because you haven’t got an empathic maternal bone in your body.

I grew up with a SAHM, it was rubbish not been able to have things as a child because we didn't have enough money.

There's nothing wrong with wanting more in life than the bare minimum basics and it gives many opportunities for the children too. Things I dreamed of as a child and would've happily given up having a SAHM for.

6.5 hours? What about commuting? What about holidays and sick days? I’m there for every holiday, no childcare worries or dumping my children on other people. They’re my responsibility.

You literally work for no financial benefit
I mean where’s the sense in that?

You sound very angry.

You sound very materialistic
You put a big importance on money
We are very different and will never agree on this. I can’t imagine wishing my Mum wasn’t around so I could have more stuff 😞

It has been said to you previously that not all working women are working because they need the money, some are doing it because they like working and are interested in having a career and not staying at home, they are not doing it because they want to buy ‘killers heels and expensive bags’
They also want to be good role models to their children and show them women don’t have to stay at home cooking and cleaning and that there are other options

You sound like you were in the exact same position that the OP is currently in and it just wasn’t worth working as you were not earning enough to make it worth your while so you decided to give it up and be a SAHM?

You did ''dump'' your children on other people though if you started out working. You can't pretend it didn't happen just because you stopped working.

How is that possible since I was raised by a SAHM? According to you, I should be perfect.

I wasn’t in the same position, we were financially better off with me working as I had a good job and income but having an excessive amount of money wasn’t our priority

Pension? I have a feeling when your children are grown up that your life is going to feel very empty and lacking interest because you seem a bit too intense about being there for your kids. Why can't your husband take a sick day and look after them if they are sick?

Don't talk about her husband. You'll be accused of being obsessed with him.

The people who say this are people who don't lack money. I suspect your definition of cutting out luxury is just one less holiday. Plus having no money is pretty shit. Do you have experience of that?

This.

I don’t get the whole ‘BUT YOUR PENSION’ thing. Firstly who thinks working for 50 years so you might get to choose your nursing home at the end is a good payoff?!

Secondly those who have never worked will get the lot for free anyway (and everyone on here will support that)

I prefer a man who can help with the kids. 😀

Your hypocrisy is breath taking. Sitting berating working mums when yourself were one when your children were little. The very period of time you've sat guilt tripping working mums about.

You've said your kids are at school and then activities after school which your husband takes them too. So you're not spending that much more time with then than a working parent does. And how is a nursery worker, childminder or nanny any less than a stranger than a teacher.

And you are aware that not all working mums have designer handbags and heels. How come it's always woman that are always made out that their wages go on meaningless extras yet a a man's wage doesn't? Sexism at its absolute finest.

I can confirm it is shit. Having a SAHM wasn't worth it and it's a big reason why I'd never be one.

My mum was a SAHM and she was utterly miserable. Wish she’d worked tbh and we’d had a bit less, but happier, time together.

Agree, but as she was raised by a SAHM, it’s ingrained in her to think that’s what all women should be doing, when the children are gone she will have no purpose in life.

I’m sure I will initially, it’s a common thing, it’s called empty nest syndrome. Just because I’m a dedicated mum doesn’t mean I don’t want them to be independent and go on to do what makes them happy in their lives etc. I just want them to know I’ve always put them first and I’ll always be there for them ❤️

Yep. What's happy about hearing your parents stress and argue over paying the bills?

I don’t really get how you think people manage work and parenting but as an example for us:

Every day one of us drops youngest off around 8:15 at the school gates. She goes to club with her friends for 30 mins then heads to her classroom. Eldest walks in and leaves at same time we do.

3 days a week I pick up youngest at 3:15, meet eldest at home and we do homework, go to clubs etc.
2 days a week my husband picks up youngest at 4:30 after her choir/sports club. One day he works from home so about when eldest comes in and other day eldest is also at an after school club.

School Holidays typically we have 4 weeks off all together as a family (Christmas, week in summer, week at Easter), OH does 1 week off in summer & Feb half term, I take May half term, second week at Easter and a summer week as holiday. I also take a couple of weeks of unpaid parental leave. Kids do a camp of some kind in October (eldest sometimes a residential one if she fancies) & a week of classes of some kind in the summer. Often even if we are off at least one of them might want to do a camp/class for an additional holiday week.

If the kids are poorly one of us takes a day off or works from home. While it takes some level of organisation childcare isn’t really a worry. Sometimes they go to a friends or their friends come here, sometimes my parents like to collect them from school and do something with them.

I feel like maybe the specific role you had &/or your partner had didn’t give you a similar level of flexibility so it felt unmanageable to fit everything in but jobs are not all the same and some people can very much manage their time to both work and do school runs