45k salary entirely eaten by childcare

[Sofiewoo]

Granted salaries aren’t what they were only a handful of years ago but aibu to be shocked that my 45k salary is now entirely eaten by childcare and getting to work??
I figured if you are earning in the 20s you would assume that but not mid 40s!

I’m trying to weigh up whether to just take the next year and a half off instead of working for nothing. I know, pension, career blah blah but it’s mentally very difficult to juggle drop offs, work schedules and sickness but be no better off financially at the end of the month.

Did anyone else not realise it was a bad as this?

"Not in the game of trying to change people". You could have fooled me when you were telling us to tell our husbands to earn more so we could all stay at home.

SAHM is just one way to bring up a child. It is not the only way or nor it is a superior way to bring up children. I won't be convinced otherwise.

Does your husband mind that you’re obsessed with mine? 😂

No one is bullying you.

When you make bold claims like I'm running away from my responsibility as a parent simply because I work or working mothers don't raise their own children then you should expect a response.

If you can't take it without crying bully, don't dish it out in the first place.

Exactly

Again, avoiding answering it.

what?
Can you clarify as to why you think she is obsessed with your husband as I’m pretty sure she has no idea who he even is?

What are you going to do when they leave the nest?

Thanks for the laughing emoji @AmeliaRuby but an actual answer to explain your way of thinking would be more interesting

It's just her way of avoiding the question. She described her husband's work schedule and also described him as a present and good father.

She can't explain how my work schedule is similar except I actually work from home more often yet I'm a mother who runs away to work to get away from my responsibilities as a parent.

It’s amazing how low some women’s bar is for fathers, even their own DH.
Imaging never ever doin one single drop off, not one pick up, never takes them home sick, never takes the day at home when they sick, hasn’t adjusted his hours, doesn’t take days off to be with his kids but such a present and “involved” dad.
I think a bench would do as much parenting!

Very bad role models for boys, and girls also when you think about it
It seems their household (@AmeliaRuby) is somewhat stuck in the early 1900’s

Yes, mate – evidence. The basis of medicine and law and science. Try providing it sometime – the burden of proof lies with the one making the claim. That would be you, in case that’s unclear.

He earns well over £100k thanks, we’re good.

I’m sorry your attempt at arguing hasn’t gone as you wished on this thread and that your misogyny has been revealed.

Really sucks when that happens.

So are my children. What’s your point?

You’re not being bullied because you’re a SAHM, you’re being bullied because you’re hateful and condescending.

Tell your husband to earn more money so you can stay at home and stop being so bitter towards sahm’s.

Believe it or not Amelia, some working mothers are still choosing to work even though their husbands / partners are very high earners😂…..

But this is exactly the sort of comment I would expect from someone with a very narrow range of thinking

Misogyny? Do you know what that means my lovely?
Hateful towards women? You make no sense, mate 😒 Think all your husbands money has gone to your head

I didn’t wish to ‘win’ with the likes of people like you but I intended to stand up for sahm’s which I have done with grace and misplaced humour as I don’t think any of you ladies like to laugh

Honestly life is too short to be so hateful and mean - misogyny felt very much from you, mate

Doubtful. Very doubtful.

How is insulting working mothers doing it with grace and misplaced humour? You also are very rich to call someone else hateful and mean after some of your comments.

I love to laugh. I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to be laughing at?

You most certainly have not done it with grace….How misguided of you to even think that
Do you even know what grace means

I worked for nothing the first year after going back to work - year 2 I was up about £200 a month (working full time, but when she started school I was earning double the salary and less than half the childcare costs. It’s been worth it career wise - DD1 is 17 now and I am in a senior exec role but I wish I’d been more present, especially in the days when I was literally paying someone else to spend all day with my 2 year old

DD2 is 8 and lockdown was an absolute blessing for me in being able to spend time enjoying my children. It changed my outlook on work and I work far more flexibly now (aware that my seniority gives me a degree of this privilege)

Why is it any more doubtful than you saying the same thing about your children?

You’re misogynistic because you are judging women negatively by different standards to men. Do you not even comprehend a very simple thing like that?

No one is putting down SAHMs, they’re putting down you due to your atrocious comments.

The only one putting down mothers here is you.

How would you know?

Believe it or not working mothers are more that capable of raising children that are on a par with yours on every level, ( or even far above) If they thought they couldn’t many would stay at home just like you.

Was that an example of a comments where you thought you were responding with grace 😂

@Sofiewoo I feel like your thread has been derailed a bit. Ultimately no one can tell you what will work out best for you and your family in the mid-long term. It’s super frustrating to feel like so much of your income is going on child care and it’s absolutely the best time to take a career break if you want one. If you can do it by taking a sabbatical or paternal leave then return to your existing job and if you think that’s something you & the kids would get a lot out of then you should absolutely go for it. If you feel like it would mean you were even more stretched for cash and it wouldn’t be enjoyable as a result, you feel like it would be a real barrier to your career progression long term &/or you just don’t want to be a SAHP then you should stick with what you have and find some likeminded people to have a good moan/offload to periodically about how much is flowing out on childcare. Whatever you decide to do, in-spite of some of the outlandish comments, I’m sure you and your kids will be fine. A small upside of the high cost of childcare is that it puts you in the position where you have a bit more of a choice. When considering options don’t discount there possibility of you and your OH both looking to do part time. It’s often better value than one of you being a SAHP in terms of what proportion of your salary you get as take home pay & it helps share the load. Lots of luck whatever you decide.

I've just read the thread and slightly confused now. Sitting slating working mums yet saying yourself you worked when you had two little ones!