45k salary entirely eaten by childcare

[Sofiewoo]

Granted salaries aren’t what they were only a handful of years ago but aibu to be shocked that my 45k salary is now entirely eaten by childcare and getting to work??
I figured if you are earning in the 20s you would assume that but not mid 40s!

I’m trying to weigh up whether to just take the next year and a half off instead of working for nothing. I know, pension, career blah blah but it’s mentally very difficult to juggle drop offs, work schedules and sickness but be no better off financially at the end of the month.

Did anyone else not realise it was a bad as this?

It’s not sexist at all you are teaching your daughters that they need to SAHMs in the same way your mother taught you.

Good luck in getting back into a career after a long break because a lot of the time that just isn’t a possibility at least at the same level or anywhere near it anyway

Your daughter does not require third level education if she is going to be a SAHM, she can go to school then marry and have kids and then when the kids are older she can get a low paying job and combine that with keeping house and looking after her husband

Thankfully I had a working mother that showed me by way of being a very good role model that there are other options

Your way isn’t the only way which I’m sure many people have pointed out to you at this stage

Yet you still can't explain how your husband is present but someone like myself, who works from home more and is able to be very flexible magically isn't present?

No it isn’t, you are completely misguided in your way of thinking and to be perfectly honest very old fashioned
Where on earth are you getting your information from or is is just your own SAHM whispering in your ear and telling you this is the only way

Absolute bullshit. I've had plenty of cousins, kids friends etc who've had parents who have worked full time who have no behavioural concerns.

And I've worked in children's social work before and in behavioural units for children and teenager. The overwhelming majority of children had a stay at home parent.

Children can still have loving secure childhoods with a parent work and there are children who have chaotic childhoods and attachment issues with parents who stay at home.

By the time a child gets to 10, there are a variety of issues and contributors that impact on behaviour and mental health. School, friends, family issues, traumatic events. Nursery is one factor and it's impossible to measure the impact on future behaviouer because it's one factor in isolation. You couldn't possibly to do a reputable study on it because it would be impossible to have every condition the same for all children that go from nursery into adolescence because they will all have different other external factors in their lives.

All studies I have read have shown this and I'm happy to link them to you.

For someone who claims to have a background in psychology, you are remarkable dense and thick if you think nursery is the one sole contributor to poor behaviour in later childhood.

I really don’t think there will be any getting through to @AmeliaRuby on this issue though, it’s ingrained in her way of thinking as she was raised by a SAHM that her way is the only way as she doesn’t know or has experience of any other way

Evidence obsessed 😂
Research it yourself
Use your own observations

Tell your husband to earn more money so you can stay at home and stop being so bitter towards sahm’s.

I dread to think what your opinion would be on homeschooling parents 😂

lighten up, be happy ☀️

Why tell your husband to earn more money when you can do it yourself?

I think it’s awesome that women have so much more choice and that families can figure out what works best for them. I really wish more people would accept that we all have different circumstances and can figure out what works for our own families.

Ultimately I think I’m fairly well rounded as a child who went to numerous childminders and to a nursery through my childhood and I’m unclear why anyone would think my children were lacking as humans. They are intelligent, articulate, polite, engaged kids with lots of friends, plenty of empathy and diverse interests and they are happy. They are regularly described as confident, highly competent and kind by staff at school and their clubs. I can’t imagine what else I could wish from or for my kids really. I’m absolutely confident they know how much we love them and how important they are to us. I’m sure you feel similar about your children and, like us, have done everything you can to give them a great start in life. The way we’ve done that may differ but the aim and the result are likely very similar.

More sahm shaming!!!!

You've shamed working mothers. What's the difference?

Oh my God, are you serious, you have spent the afternoon trying to shame working mothers!!

The sahm shaming is disgusting!

stating I couldn’t possibly know any different as my mum done the same. That my daughters shouldn’t bother getting educations if they’re not going to use them. That I should just teach them to cook/clean etc instead. Like that’s all mothers that don’t work have to offer?

Very narrow minded. Again, very sad 😞

My eldest is 17.

I will concur it is clear who had secure loving upbringings but this gives no indication of the working arrangements of thier parents, in my observed experience.

Coming from someone who has the most narrow minded comments on the thread.

Not to mention the clear double standards. I'm running away from my responsibilities but your husband is a fantastic and present father despite the fact that my role is clearly more flexible than his.

I have seen the research and done my own observations and I'm absolutely comfortable and confident in my decision to send son being at nursery and me working.

I find it hilarious you called a poster sexist in a previous post yet telling us all we should get our husbands to earn more so we can stay at home.

I feel immensely sorry for your children and especially your daughters if you have them. That you clearly don't value their education and abilities as much as their male equivalents.

My mum worked and I have would chosen her a million times over a judgemental sahm like yourself.

I’m thick and dense now?
How lovely of you

bowlby is a child psychologist that believed the first 3-5 years in a child’s development was crucial and impacted their whole lives. This is why when young children are adopted from traumatic abusive homes they still have lots of psychological trauma throughout their lives on times - they won’t remember the specific abuse but their bodies will hold a memory.

I haven’t said it is solely the reason but it contributes heavily.

@AmeliaRuby
Further to my earlier comments, surely all this time you are spending on MN commenting is distracting you and taking you away for the care and attention you could be otherwise be paying towards your children, you should really be giving them your undivided attention in order for them to evolve into well rounded individuals

All she's done is made herself look thick, dense, narrow minded and judgmental. No redeeming qualities whatsoever and certainly not any I'd find commendable for a mother.

I don't judge SAHM but I will do if they think somehow superior than those that work and if they feel the need to judge those that work, then it's only fair they take that criticism back.

Feel sorry for my polite, intellectual, kind, thoughtful, helpful, active, well mannered and very happy children? Go ahead my love 😀

@AmeliaRuby
Just because a mother works it doesn't mean her children will end up being traumatised by it
You have a very narrow way of thinking

In fact everyone loves my children. People always comment on how lovely they chat and engage. How pleasant and happy they are. How it’s evident how loved they are - I’m beyond proud of them ❤️

@AmeliaRuby
Children from working mothers can also be all of those things that you mentioned and also have a good role model to boot

@AmeliaRuby
But you are biased, all mothers think their children are wonderful

This might come as a shock to you but people say that about my children too.

I’m a role model in the way that I’ve shown them they come first. No job comes before them. No job would stop me spending all of those countless hours with them as they were young and trying to make sense of the world.

Well done in showing them how to drop them off to strangers 👏🏼