To feel sad what my 10 year old said to me

[iCantStopppEatinggg]

I don’t have anyone in rl to talk to about it. DH has dismissed my feelings and laughed along with my DD. It’s Easter holidays and I’m stuck indoors unable to leave due to what my DD has said to me. I know it sounds dramatic but please bear with me.

on Saturday we went out to cinema then dinner as a family and I wore my usual uniform of leggings and tunic. All evening she kept “roasting” me saying things like “mummy is so fat and ugly that she breaks all the mirrors”. My DH laughed with her. I was upset and asked her to stop. I tried to ignore her as much as I could and when we got home I spoke to her and was truthful in how she hurt my feelings. I ordered new clothes for quick delivery and they arrived this morning. I felt quite nice and I tried them on. I haven’t purchased new clothes for around 5 years since youngest was born as I put on lots of weight and have stayed in my leggings and stuff. She laughed at me when she saw me and called me fat again. My youngest came up to me and cuddled me. Her father this time tried to talk to her about hurting my feelings and she told him she’s not going to lie when I am fat and I look worse as the clothes are bigger so make me look fatter (I got wide leg trousers). I feel so low I don’t feel like leaving the house. Shall I just wear my usual clothes and return these? She didn’t seem to call me fat so much before we went out but I felt really awful on Saturday when I saw all the other women wearing lovely clothes and I had leggings and tunic on. I tried to buy all the clothes I thought would make me look better and truthfully I feel I do look nicer than I usually do. I feel so low can anyone talk some sense into me. Before people say she’s 10, it does t matter the age as her words really hurt me and she said everything I was already thinking that I’ll never be Preety and will always look fat and ugly as she told me.

She's learnt this from someone, probably your husband.

Hurtful yes, but not having any new clothes for 5 years sounds like you may need a refresh. She was very rude though.

@RobinHeartella i could understand if this was my youngest but no I don’t feel she’s learnt from him. I think she’s old enough to make her own mind up. She will be in secondary school in September so it’s not like a toddler picking up bad things.

She says stuff we haven’t taught her like roasting etc. I asked her about this and she said in school they roast one another.

Absolutely unacceptable for her to talk to you (or anybody) in this way. What was her punishment?

Bloody hell, where has she picked this up from? It doesn’t come from nowhere. Has your husband said it?

Schools teach body positivity a lot these days and it is not normal for a 10yr old to be like this. Have you asked her why?

I have a feeling she’s becoming a “mean girl”. I don’t know how to handle it.

What consequences have there been for her behaviour? There definitely should be some!

10 year olds can be blunt and a one off comment could be brushed off with a reminder that we do not make personal comments about people's appearance. However, she has made multiple unpleasant comments despite being told it hurt your feelings. Your husband is even worse- he should have been telling her not to be unkind, not laughing.

She actually sounds quite unpleasant and there would be consequences in our house and no outings over the Easter holidays.

Were there any consequences for her appalling rudeness?

I'd be coming down hard on her. No way would i tolerate such unkind words in my home.

I'm really sorry you were upset like this. I've gained 4 stone since my boys who are 3 and 4 and live in trackies. There needs to be a real punishment for this it's disgusting behaviour

My 10yr old ‘roasts’ and they do it in school, but it’s not really mean stuff - it’s generic and funny. Calling someone who is fat, fat, isn’t roasting them it’s just an insult.

Id hqve gone through her.

Id sit whole family down and say new family rule - we don't say unkind things to people esp about their appearance. If this rule is broken then there is x consequences- grounding, electronics removal, extra chores.

That’s appalling behaviour. I’d not take her out until she learns some manners. I’m sure you look lovely in your new clothes OP.

Your husband laughed along with her, they’re a pair of cunts.

I hope she’s grounded for the whole Easter holidays, no phone, no internet, no outings.

How horrible!!
Maybe you need to speak to her and ask her if anything is bothering her, and why she is saying horrible things to you when she knows it’s hurting you.

Keep the new clothes if they make you feel better🥰

One consequence was we didn’t go anywhere today which I feel awful about as my youngest missed out. We were supposed to go into London but I felt like crap and couldn’t face it, so she missed out but I also feel my youngest had to miss out too. What consequences would you all give? I feel so broken and low and I know it’s not entirely her fault but I just feel incredibly low about myself and life right now.

I also hate concept of roasting - it's bloody bad manners

That is horrible and she must have picked that up from somewhere. Even “roasting”, my 9 year old would know not to ever say that to me or anyone else. Your husband laughing with her is just appalling.

Tell her what she is saying has hurt you and unacceptable.

I think your daughter needs some lessons in empathy. Has she been like this before with anyone else? Because it is potentially bullying behaviour.
Has your husband made comments about your weight she must have picked up this behaviour from someone

I have a 10 year old- I simply cannot imagine this as normal behaviour; ‘roasting’ or no roasting!

I’ m so sorry OP. That must really both hurt you and worry you. Some sort of intervention is definitely due. Does she have a phone? That’s the first thing that would be taken in my house. No unsupervised internet. Explain carefully why..? For every mean thing she says, another explained loss of privilege.

Car is a good place for these harder conversations. They can’t escape but aren’t threatened by eye to eye.

Dad needs to 110% back you up or advocate here. Anything less is doing her an mis-service.

Wow she needs taking to hand... Back to basics imo. No tech.. No clubs... She needs to be working on earning your forgiveness.. And I hope you find a good divorce lawyer...
My marriage would be over in your shoes..

Blimey she sounds an absolute delight.

If she speaks to you like this OP how is she speaking to other children at school?

This is nasty bullying behaviour and I’d nip this in the bud now whilst she’s still young or you’re going to have zero control over her as a teen.

Bit difficult to give consequences when her dad laughs at her appallingly rude behaviour. Shocking. She should be old enough to know better, as should he.