To feel sad what my 10 year old said to me

[iCantStopppEatinggg]

I don’t have anyone in rl to talk to about it. DH has dismissed my feelings and laughed along with my DD. It’s Easter holidays and I’m stuck indoors unable to leave due to what my DD has said to me. I know it sounds dramatic but please bear with me.

on Saturday we went out to cinema then dinner as a family and I wore my usual uniform of leggings and tunic. All evening she kept “roasting” me saying things like “mummy is so fat and ugly that she breaks all the mirrors”. My DH laughed with her. I was upset and asked her to stop. I tried to ignore her as much as I could and when we got home I spoke to her and was truthful in how she hurt my feelings. I ordered new clothes for quick delivery and they arrived this morning. I felt quite nice and I tried them on. I haven’t purchased new clothes for around 5 years since youngest was born as I put on lots of weight and have stayed in my leggings and stuff. She laughed at me when she saw me and called me fat again. My youngest came up to me and cuddled me. Her father this time tried to talk to her about hurting my feelings and she told him she’s not going to lie when I am fat and I look worse as the clothes are bigger so make me look fatter (I got wide leg trousers). I feel so low I don’t feel like leaving the house. Shall I just wear my usual clothes and return these? She didn’t seem to call me fat so much before we went out but I felt really awful on Saturday when I saw all the other women wearing lovely clothes and I had leggings and tunic on. I tried to buy all the clothes I thought would make me look better and truthfully I feel I do look nicer than I usually do. I feel so low can anyone talk some sense into me. Before people say she’s 10, it does t matter the age as her words really hurt me and she said everything I was already thinking that I’ll never be Preety and will always look fat and ugly as she told me.

I wouldn't tolerate this at all. I can't believe she still said awful things even when she knew it hurt you.

She needs to face a consequence for such outrageous rudeness and insensitivity. Stop being so wet about it. Even if you believe what she said was true she had absolutely no to speak to you or anyone else like that. Additionally, your DH needs calling out on allowing it too.

Ok, my ex-husband and I are barely civil, but I know as sure as I sit here that if he ever heard one of our kids say something like that about me he would have words with them. That's not behavior we encourage towards any other person.

We've taught our kids to THINK before they speak: Is it True? Is it Helpful? Is it Inspiring? Is it Necessary? And is it Kind? We also are big proponents of not commenting on other people's bodies.

This. But fgs don't let it stop you leaving the house, that's just being melodramatic.

Personally I'd rain hell on her. And do it within your Husbands earshot. The pair of them need to learn to keep their mouths shut if they can't be kind. And when he laughed along you should have bollocked him there and then. You're being soft and you will pay the price for it in the next decade as she will become a nasty teenager.

I would have left her at home with just about anyone who would have taken her, and taken younger child as planned. It’s not the right sort of consequence if no one can go because she isn’t going.

I would come down hard on this actually. Absolutely no privileges unless she speaks to me like a decent human being. Favourite TV show? Nope. Screen time? Absolutely not. Lifts? Nah.

Don’t get me started on what I would do if my DH joined in. He would quickly find that the appliance bit of me that helps his life run smoothly was on the blink.

Your daughter is being horrible, I’d want to stamp that out pretty quickly before she starts bullying people at school if she hasn’t already. Or her younger sibling. She’s 10, she knows exactly what she’s doing and that it’s hurtful towards you.

I understand that you’re sad by what she said but you need to get mad instead. At her and your tosser husband. I’d have a frank discussion with him without the kids around. And would insist on you being a united front. Including making him apologise to you in front of your children for joining in. It’s important for children that if their parents mess up they own it. Your husband has, he needs to fix it.

My DS is almost 10 and I cannot imagine any conceivable way this cuddly, Minecraft and coding and cricket obsessed little boy would ever say anything like this to me. I wonder if girls are socialised differently at school but my DD is 5, and is an absolute angel and I can’t imagine her this way either.

When did this start? Where did it begin you think?

I’m sorry she is so cruel. For a girl that young it’s disgusting she could say all that.

next time punish her and just you and the youngest go on the treat day.

also your husband is despicable laughing along with her. You deserve better as the mother of his children!!!

If she is saying this to you, what on earth is she saying at school.

Id look at some you tube videos on bullying and sit dc down and show her how her words are nasty

This. When she wanted to go somewhere I'd tell her no, you don't want to spend your time doing nice things for her when she is so rude and nasty to you. She if she makes an apology. Your DH should have shut her down immediately by saying he loves the way Mummy looks and how kind she is. Instead he laughs. I'd be furious with them both.

Well of course. Can't possibly have learned it from a woman after all 🙄

But yes, I agree with this. Show the pair of them that you won't take it. Then plan something nice with your son. He should not be paying for his sister being a rude brat.

Does she have a mobile phone by any chance?
I suggest if she does it gets confiscated until she is at secondary school...

Also I find your reaction (hurt, upset, shying away) whilst understandable - entirely unsuitable. The parents in this case need to feel anger, and stern outlets of that into clear consequences, firm boundaries and significant sanctions. Followed by the befriending/conversations/long term work.

Stand bold upright and strong. Make her look up to you. Withering away hurt isn’t going to do it

Absolutely shocking behaviour from your DD. I’d be explaining how hurtful her behaviour is and how dare she talk to you like that, etc. Do not make any excuses to her about how you feel you look. Do not say you’re not going out because you feel awful. Instead explain you don’t feel like going out because of her very rude behaviour. Have consequences for rudeness - no phone/no tablet/no WiFi. If she has access to TikTok or YouTube, delete these from her devices and use parental blocks on her devices.

If you spend lots on her clothes and stuff, cut back immediately and spend on yourself instead.

I would be giving immediate consequences for that - for mine it would be loss of tv/computer time and doing chores to make amends. However i also think you need to work on your self esteem. You shouldn’t let a 10yo have such an impact on you. Hold your head high and ignore her comments about your appearance, make clear there will my sharp consequences for any further insults, and remember beauty comes from within.

I don't see how this would help.
She needs to understand that it's wrong and hurtful to say such things but draconian punishments like that won't change anything and the whole family will suffer if she can't go out over Easter.
And 10 year olds shouldn't be using smart phones anyway.

No way would I be accepting this and my husband would be sticking up for me too. Your youngest shouldn’t be punished for her elder sister’s behaviour, though I do understand why you felt so low today.
Someone above suggested sitting the family down and being clear and firm about rules, that sounds like a really sensible idea to me. Punishment could be removing screen time, removing pocket money, or whatever you feel is appropriate. Removing something that’s a treat for sure though. And being incredibly clear that this is not an acceptable or appropriate way to speak to anyone is important here too. Doesn’t matter where she’s learnt it, it stops and it stops now. Good luck OP. Wear your new clothes, I’m sure you look gorgeous! I reached almost 18 stone at my heaviest (and I’m very short so it was a lot for me), not once did my children or husband ever comment on it. I’ve since lost nearly 7 stone and they have never referred to my size. They just love me for me, as your daughter should for you. Maybe point out you accept her as she is and to consider how she’d feel if that were conditional on her looks.

Im sorry op but your daughter sounds vile

The fact that your DH is laughing suggests shes learnt this disgusting behaviour from him, Id also be concerned shes a bully at school.

No one will say she’s 10 she doesn’t understand etc. she’s 10 and should absolutely know about feelings and kindness. “Roasting” is not calling people fat or ugly etc. that’s plain bullying and if she does it at school, trouble will eventually come her way. I would be going nuclear at her about it rather than sitting taking it to be honest.

I mean, I'm not in the "the man is always in the wrong" camp, but the fact that he laughed when she said it is pretty telling.

I know that OP has said later that the daughter says she learned it from school, but my first thought was that if he was willing to laugh at those things, what is he saying about her?

Was she told this was a punishment for her horrendous behaviour or did you say you didn’t feel like going?

How can your DH sit there and laugh along with this. Shit parenting and very hurtful behaviour from both of them.

You need to come down very hard on this OP, find your anger. It’s not normal behaviour for a 10 year old to treat her mum like this and not care about hurting your feelings 😡

And you both need to be on the same page in the teen years.