Why is ND a common excuse for poor behaviour now?

[PonderingCarefully]

To be clear, this isn't a bashing thread as I'm generally interested in views and reasonings. Posting here for traffic really.

I get ND is a huge thing now and way more people are being vocal about it being accepted in society. This i am in favour of but.... so often now, especially on MN/SM, you see people excusing or questioning if poor behaviour is a result of undiagnosed ND. For example, a partner withdrawing/saying hurtful things would usually be seen as abuse now it's are they on the spectrum? A friend who's taking advantage is no longer seen as a entitled CF but is said to need more patience incase they are ND.

Why is this? Is it now a society norm that you actually need to feel quilted into accepting this behaviour just incase there's something undiagnosed at play? Are we now going to start seeing abusers and bully's in a new light of "maybe it's not their fault" now?

Here's one

A quick Google will bring up several articles and findings.

Over the course of my life, I have been:
Permanently excluded from school
Arrested multiple times
Sacked from jobs
Sucked into abusive relationships

You would never know this if I didn't tell you. I work in a professional job, I raise children alone, I run a household, and I do those 3 things really well. To receive a diagnosis of a neurodivergent condition as an adult was sheer, utter, relief. I'm not a sociopath or a deviant, I just had an undiagnosed, unmanaged condition. Am I making excuses for my poor behaviour?

That absolutely isn’t what you said and noGoogle doesn’t.

So data please.

Absolutely and so they should be. It’s extremely important that anyone who is even remotely vulnerable in any way in society is protected and bullying is completely unacceptable. But that’s not really what’s being discussed. I think the difficulty is, for examples sake, is when a ND person also has an awful awful personality (yes both can co-exist) and can never be challenged on poor behaviour towards others because of ND diagnosis without the whistleblower being accused of being a discriminatory hitler sympathiser. It’s a pickle.

Google your own data and receipts FGS.

An awful awful personality. Define that please as funnily enough I’ve never ever come across a ND with such a personality.

Funny that you come across so many and you know for certain they are ND

I have. There isn’t any so you have made a completely false, hugely damaging and abelist comment. As you well know.

The above link and the mirror for example states that upto 1 in 3 prisoners could be suspected ND. So that would disprove your claim that SUSPECTED ND people do not commit crimes and are ALL lovely people.

Bad behaviour is bad behaviour, ND or not.

ND inclusivity is around learning styles and making reasonable adjustments. Adapting around sensory issues.

It doesn't excuse poor behaviour or violence.

I'm not the poster you responded to but I knew someone at uni who was autistic and had no boundaries and touched people inappropriately all the time, and when called out on it or rejected would say "it's my autism, I can't help it" and play the victim. No attempt to change the behaviour, no acknowledgement of responsibility for the behaviour.

That's an example of someone who is both ND and has an awful personality.

“There is also an argument for there being a rise in crimes where the main defence is suspected ND.“

I did not say that. I am disputing your declaration that there is a rise in crimes with the main defense being suspected ND.

Data please.

You know one person.

Plenty of NT do that

An awful awful personality. Define that please as funnily enough I’ve never ever come across a ND with such a personality.

You said you'd never come across a neurodivergent person with such a personality. I was just pointing out that I had. Wasn't aware there's a minimum quota I have to meet for them to count.

Yes, exactly. And we can and should call out NT people who do that, and we should call out ND people who do that - but it's a lot harder, because some ND people will use neurodiversity as an excuse for what is shitty behaviour for anyone, ND or not.

Well when the inference is that there are vast numbers- yes.

@Jud3 you can’t be asking me explain what an awful personality is? Or awful personality trait? And SURELY you aren’t arguing that ND people never also have awful personalities or some awful personality traits? If so I can’t continue.
Every human on the planet is capable of having an awful personality trait.

@Jud3 I really cant be bothered to argue with someone who can't see past their own opinion as a matter of fact in an open discussion.

You mean you have no data to back up your hugely inflammatory accusation.

I think it is simply down to the increased awareness of ND traits, which is down to social media. I'm late 50s, was diagnosed as autistic 3 years ago. It never even crossed my mind until about 12-15 years ago that I might be autistic until I saw an autism screening test online and scored in the autistic category.

The amount of times I had to apologise for my DC's being restless, fidgety, noisy etc when I took them to places forever running away I got shouted at and sometimes sworn (often by men) at for not controlling them - I didn't know then they were ND but now they are adults I can see that - they have learnt to cope and have quirky jobs and lovely partners where they are thriving.
Would the ND diagnosis at the time have made things better? Fortunately I didn't feel like I was being a bad parent I felt the other people were just ignorant buggers who didn't have a clue.

There is a lot of that on here and in posts like this, people who are incapable of seeing both sides of a coin

I think there is an issue of intolerance on both sides of the argument. Tolerance is needed for those who have difficulty coping in some situations, I am sure that we can all recognise individuals who are ND in some way who struggle. However, when it is used as an excuse disturbing everyone else's activities then there is place for saying those indivuals either do not attend or their behaviour has to conform. Those using ND as an excuse are able to conform to the expectations.

A while ago we went to museum which was child friendly with lots of child exhibits and someone (a young adult - maybe about 25) who maybe had Tourettes was there whose language was extreme. This was a school holiday with many children around. I do not know if they could control their language or not. Whilst of course they can visit this museum and are free to do so their language was so strong I am not sure whether they should be allowed to enter as there were many children from 0 upwards around. I think a situation like this highlights how the treatment of ND may need to be secondary to the majority, I am not sure what the answer is but recognise it is a complex situation with many different views.

Absolutely not. You could apply it to any condition - plenty of people with genuine difficulties because of it and plenty who exaggerate or lie.

What I don’t agree with is that ND people are put on some sort of pedestal by many people and nobody is ever allowed to criticise, disagree or take issue with anything they do or say. And if you do, you’re called ignorant, uneducated etc. They’re not above criticism, same as the rest of us.

Agree with the point of the museum visit.

It’s far from ideal and the vast majority of society want everyone to be able to access everything, but sometimes it’s not appropriate.

I take my boy to a park that he loves (he’s preschool age) and it’s a popular one with nursery trips, childminders etc. Anyway, we’ve been there on lots of occasions where there have been older teenagers/young adults with their support workers playing in the sand, going down the slides.

99% of the time they’re just there like the rest of us, but sometimes someone is doing something like pulling down tree branches and throwing them over the play area. That annoys me - my boy is three and if he was hurt by that, I know I’d lose my shit. Inclusivity doesn’t work if someone else is being harmed. That behaviour needs risk assessed (just like the swearing at the museum) and if required, the trips stopped.