My husband says I can't have a pottery wheel even though my neighbour has offered to let me keep it in her studio

[Observermum1]

I don't ask for much but really fancy a second hand pottery wheel. My husband says it's a waste of money and that I won't use it much. I feel really sad as I have fancied one for years. My neighbour has even offered to put it in her shed/studio as we don't have room for it. AIBU?

OP, why do you need your husband's permission? Don't ask, just do it!

I haven’t dismissed anything. At all. I’m just not buying that he’s just refused for no reason, particularly when he has also said if they move it’s fine. There’s more to it.

You can always find someone to take it off your hands if you don't use it. I know someone who did charity fairs, birthday parties, all sorts. Everyone wants to have a go at throwing.

More importantly, your DH is spending 6k on guitars and controlling you. That's a much bigger issue.

That speaks volumes.

She said her DH isn’t the only breadwinner and she’s successful with selling her artwork. Why are you diminishing this to - she gets a bit from selling art ???

I have asked the OP a few times to confirm that he has actually said she can't buy it, rather than just saying he doesn't think she should buy it, but she doesn't seem interested in clarifying.

@rianna so you get none of the profit and don’t get paid?

Maybe he’s a controlling git who wants her at home with him and not over at a neighbours working away in a studio that is away from their home ??? Maybe he’s trying to stifle her independence ?? But go on, blame the woman.

He doesn't sound very nice at all. You do have options regarding him, you know.

Getting a bit from selling art doesn’t mean they’re contributing.

Buy it and remind yourself never to ask his 'permission' for anything again; you don't need it. Tell him he didn't run his guitar purchases by you (if he didn't, of course'). Let him fucking grumble. Not your problem.

@AthWat OP has said that DH has said they will have to move if she buys it

She said quite clearly that her DH said the only way she can buy it is if they moved house and when she said she’d keep it at a neighbours studio, he stormed out of the house.

Get a man/person and van to help you. A friend or brother. Anyone but the unhelpful husband.

I feel really sorry for you OP, it’s not just that he’s denying you something that you want, that you will fund, that makes no material difference to his life in any way - it’s the fact that he won’t support your hobby, he is (trying) to put his foot down about something that will give you joy. I don’t understand why? The storming out is nuts too isn’t it?

I would just tell him firmly that you are going ahead because - in the same way that his guitars give him joy - you need to carve out a hobby for yourself. Please do update us on progress and also a photo of your first creation would be ace!

She did not day she ‘gets a bit from selling art’. She said she’s quite successful at selling her artwork. She said her DH isn’t the sole breadwinner. Why are you so determined to put her down ??

As someone who wants her own studio at the bottom of the garden with kiln, shelving, glazes (I'm pretty rubbish on the wheel) and i am a working mum with a toddler so time is precious, I'd say to you go for it if you have the money and you already have an arty career so it's in your blood!!!!

Because people are never just dicks? There's always a valid reason for their attitude? Ok.

The house thing doesn't even make any sense, why is he saying they'd have to move if it will be in her neighbours studio?

I'm afraid it's more likely than not the DH is just your common garden variety miserable hypocrit.

DH is forever encouraging me to try new hobbies etc, and as the main breadwinner he would be helping to finance them. No way would he be spending £6k on a hobby and then telling me I couldn’t buy something for £350

You don't need his permission.

Do it. Its something for yourself. Sure he has his own interests. Just starting to see that I do nothing for myself - as women, this is fairly common. Communicate to him that its something you have always wanted to do and you are going to do it either way. Is it because he's tight with money or is he mean in other ways? I would make mental notes of all of these things and reconsider my options if they keep happening

I think that he has refused as he is controlling and doesn't want OP to make her own decisions about what hobbies she will do and how much of her own money she spends.

You think that even though OP and her DH run their own business, her contribution is negligible and she has no right to spend to spend her own money (which she makes separately from their shared business) but her DH is making a large contribution and he can spend what the hell he wants.

We both have our own narratives, but I support the OP and you don't.

Why are you so determined to not consider there might be more to it? That this might be someone looking for an echo chamber to enable their not ok behaviour? I asked reasonable questions that anyone commenting on this thread should be asking. Why, for example, is there a condition of moving? Does he want to release funds? Is this another example of impulsive behaviour from the OP that OH is expected to support and enable? There is always more to what’s posted and the ability to recognise that isn’t a bad thing. Rather than challenging me perhaps challenge those that are telling her to leave without establishing the bigger picture.

No - I asked questions to ensure that I had the full picture before making a judgement.

This is brilliant 🤣