My husband says I can't have a pottery wheel even though my neighbour has offered to let me keep it in her studio

[Observermum1]

I don't ask for much but really fancy a second hand pottery wheel. My husband says it's a waste of money and that I won't use it much. I feel really sad as I have fancied one for years. My neighbour has even offered to put it in her shed/studio as we don't have room for it. AIBU?

Why are you even asking your husband what you can spend your own money on? I genuinely don't understand why you'd giving him a say in this in the first place.

He says you 'can't' have a pottery wheel? What is he actually going to do if you buy it? How is he proposing to stop you? Why can't you just tell him you're doing it anyway?

I know youre gonna get it op 😃 Enjoy!

Can you make him a little special pot for his plectrums?

No one has said that.

If the answer is no he covers it because I’m raising kids and that’s what we agreed that is fine.

If the answer is I’m a career hobbyist and my spouse has had it that’s different.

Read the replies. Activity vague. and he’s said fine if they move. Why is moving a part of the decision? There isn’t sufficient information provided to make any judgement at this point.

You had better buy it @Observermum1 !

Fuck it! Buy two!

Who the fuck does he think he is, telling you what you can and can’t spend money on?

Is he perhaps jealous of you having this additional source of income from art whereas his income is presumably the same as you get from the shared business?

So your art gives you more income and more independence than he has? And also, arguably, means you are more successful than him?

Is he trying to reign you in to 'just stick to painting, that's enough for you' because he is jealous?

good for you !

OP has said:

'I have lots of hand building experience (used to teach pottery as head of art in a secondary school) have had only about six hours experience on a wheel but want to practise more as I really enjoy it.'

She would also be using her own money that she has made by selling her artwork.

Her DH sounds like a controlling nightmare as she won't be using his money or storing the pottery wheel in his home.

And he won't let you have a pottery wheel that costs less than £400?

OK then.

I would get one anyway. My DH doesn't stop me from doing anything. He wouldn't fucking dare try! 😆

All that said, I wouldn't want something that I had no room for, and had to put in my neighbour's shed or garage/on my neighbour's land. That wouldn't work for me.

Hmmm. He sounds like a twat but you also sound a bit naive. There is a LOT more to throwing pottery than just having a wheel and given your experience I'm surprised.

Firstly what kind of studio does your friend have? Does she understand working with clay requires very careful cleaning protocols to prevent dust inhalation and contamination? How are you going to recycle your clay? Are you planning on using multiple buckets? How will prevent clay entering her drainage system? Will there be a suitable surface for wedging clay? Where will your drying racks be? What about glazing, do you want to be able to mix your own glazes? Where will you keep your tools etc?

There is a big step up in terms of commitment moving from handbuilding to throwing.

Life is short … and it will bring you joy. I would just buy it and have many years of pleasure from it.

Have fun @Observermum1 sounds like a great thing to do!

(Maybe leave Ghost with Demi Moore playing on repeat next time you’re out 😅😂 Obviously once you’ve got over being as irritated as hell with him)
x

I’m confused by the use of the term ‘allowed’. You are not a child. You are an adult. Why do you have to be allowed
I accept, of course, families should always discuss things through but this isn’t exactly an expensive horse that you want to put out to graze in a tiny garden.
This is a pottery wheel that you’ve found somewhere to house.

Just buy it
Your dh is being very controlling. I’m wondering if he’s jealous of your natural artistic talents and success.

OP has said:

'I have lots of hand building experience (used to teach pottery as head of art in a secondary school) have had only about six hours experience on a wheel but want to practise more as I really enjoy it.'

She is also using her own money that she made from selling her artwork.

This is a really upsetting thread.

I didn’t think you were unreasonable with your first post but with each follow up you’re more reasonable and your situation less pleasant.

You’re an artist who earns her living creating art and/or teaching art and his reaction is to storm out when you discuss a totally reasonable purchase.
he’s horrid

Why would you need his permission. I know guitars take up a lot of space and he is obviously fine with spending lots on his interests .
This seems very controlling. He should be more supportive.

Yes, people have absolutely said that. I suggest YOU read the replies before arguing.

How do you know what sort of studio her neighbour has or what facilities it has ?? It’s a little patronising of you calling her naive and listing out the process involved and what she needs to do. I’m sure she is aware of all this already but was hardly going to come in here and produce a method statement for is all.

Buy the wheel! Come back here and show us your makes, and we can all buy something to rub your controlling husband’s face in it 😀

For some reason you are dismissing everything that OP says and just making up scenarios where OP is a flighty spend-thrift who is supported by her DH and is constantly starting arty hobbies which she then gives up.

In your version of OP's life, her DH is perfectly entitled to spend £6000 on guitars but she can't spend £350 of her own money on a potter's wheel, even though she is an experienced art teacher who has taught pottery in schools.

GO AND BUY IT NOW BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE DOES!
Apparently it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. Fortunately, you don’t even need anyone’s permission anyway. Don’t even tell him, just do it.

In that case he is a massive hypocrite. Can he really not see that?

@Riaanna do you get paid for running the business?

Who cares how much you will use it if you are using your money and it isn’t even in your own house?

My DH has commented lots on my various clothes hangers (spin bike, treadmill) but he’s never said I shouldn’t buy it, even when he thinks I won’t use it (and has been proven right on at least two occasions, but I promise the third time is it!)

What a miserable man.

So?

Do you always do what your husband tells you to do? I am gobsmacked at this thread.
You are a person in your own right you know.
If I wanted a potters wheel and could pay for it, I would have a potters wheel !

Are some people's marriages like this, honestly? My husband never tells me what to do, we discuss things, if I have the money and want to buy something, I buy it! He has hobby stuff he buys too, some of which is barking, but it's up to him.

OP, why don't you point out his ££££ on guitars and stand your ground on this.

My DD went to pottery classes and she has produced some really beautiful pieces.

Go for it, ignore him storming out the house, you have that potters wheel.

No. And the op has notably not stated that she does. All she has said is that she gets a bit from selling art.