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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband says I can't have a pottery wheel even though my neighbour has offered to let me keep it in her studio

458 replies

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 12:59

I don't ask for much but really fancy a second hand pottery wheel. My husband says it's a waste of money and that I won't use it much. I feel really sad as I have fancied one for years. My neighbour has even offered to put it in her shed/studio as we don't have room for it. AIBU?

OP posts:
MarkWithaC · 07/04/2025 16:12

GeorgianaM · 07/04/2025 16:11

Can you suggest getting g it but agree that if you don't regularly use it after six months it gets put up for sale?

That would be a reasonable response if the husband was engaging in sensible conversation about it, rather than trying to throw his weight around and storming out of the house when things don't go his way.

Original poster
Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 16:13

Crikey, I missed lots of here as I was round at my neighbours house (she's very happy to let me keep the wheel at hers btw). So, my husband is not doing all the work, in fact I do most of the day to day work for our holiday let business (cleaning, ironing, managing the bookings, doing the accounts, buying everything we need for guests etc). He does the garden and general maintenance. I make profit from my paintings.He doesn't gig or teach guitar, but he is very good at it and I have never begrudged him having nice guitars tbh. I'm going to get myself a second hand wheel (haven't heard if the one I saw is still available yet, but I shall keep looking if not) and use it at my neighbour's house. I can't get my head around why he is against it.

OP posts:
adriftinadenofvipers · 07/04/2025 16:13

Riaanna · 07/04/2025 16:03

I literally didn’t.

Show quote history

So are you just posting to be awkward then?

BustingBaoBun · 07/04/2025 16:15

Riaanna · 07/04/2025 16:03

I literally didn’t.

Show quote history

Good. But maybe stop telling others not to offer their opinions then. This is all very simple.

Husband spends £6,000 on his hobby

Wife wants to spend £350 of her own money on hers (and might make money on it!)

Husband has forbidden wife to buy the wheel

BUY THE WHEEL!

springbringshope · 07/04/2025 16:16

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 14:14

He has spent about £6000 in the last couple of years on guitars.

How much has he earned with his guitars?

adriftinadenofvipers · 07/04/2025 16:17

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 16:13

Crikey, I missed lots of here as I was round at my neighbours house (she's very happy to let me keep the wheel at hers btw). So, my husband is not doing all the work, in fact I do most of the day to day work for our holiday let business (cleaning, ironing, managing the bookings, doing the accounts, buying everything we need for guests etc). He does the garden and general maintenance. I make profit from my paintings.He doesn't gig or teach guitar, but he is very good at it and I have never begrudged him having nice guitars tbh. I'm going to get myself a second hand wheel (haven't heard if the one I saw is still available yet, but I shall keep looking if not) and use it at my neighbour's house. I can't get my head around why he is against it.

You don't need to get your head around is. He's just being an arse. TBH I never ask my husband if I am buying something with my own money that doesn't affect him.

I do hope this is unusual behaviour from him.

Why can't he do more of the donkeywork for your business? Are his arms painted on? (pun intended!!)

dapsnotplimsolls · 07/04/2025 16:18

He 'stormed out'? Massive arse.

Original poster
Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 16:19

Nothing yet tbh

OP posts:
nokidshere · 07/04/2025 16:20

I have tons of hobbies, some stuff doesn’t get used for months and none of it has been used for a year due to ill health. DH brings in most of the money in our house and he would never dictate what I could or couldn’t do or what I could spend. The only caveat is that the bills are paid and we discuss anything very expensive regarding finances and NOT whether we could or should be doing said hobby.

i paint, I bake, I create ‘stuff’, I build things and I have tons of tools for all of these things. I always have a project on the go. My next purchase will be a 2nd hand piano (when I find room for it) as I’ve always wanted to learn.It’s not for dh to say which hobbies I should be doing or me him. He birdwatches & does wildlife photography, he carries round on his shoulders equipment that cost (over the years) more than our family car. It doesn’t matter if we make money from these things, they bring us joy & calm.

on the face of it you are not being unreasonable, nor are you impacting family finances, so buy the wheel and enjoy it.

BustingBaoBun · 07/04/2025 16:20

@Observermum1
Good for you. Keep pursuing the wheel, even if the one that was for sale isn't now.

You are obviously arty and I bet you will make some fabulous pieces. My DD did pottery classes at evening class and I honestly love some of the pieces she made and she isn't terribly arty.

I do think you need a chat with your DH about this situation because it is very wrong for him to not encourage you in your hobbies. Especially as you do for him.

thepariscrimefiles · 07/04/2025 16:22

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 16:13

Crikey, I missed lots of here as I was round at my neighbours house (she's very happy to let me keep the wheel at hers btw). So, my husband is not doing all the work, in fact I do most of the day to day work for our holiday let business (cleaning, ironing, managing the bookings, doing the accounts, buying everything we need for guests etc). He does the garden and general maintenance. I make profit from my paintings.He doesn't gig or teach guitar, but he is very good at it and I have never begrudged him having nice guitars tbh. I'm going to get myself a second hand wheel (haven't heard if the one I saw is still available yet, but I shall keep looking if not) and use it at my neighbour's house. I can't get my head around why he is against it.

@Riaanna There you go, is there enough information here to confirm that OP's contribution to their family business is at least as big if not bigger than her husband's and that she makes a profit from her paintings which her husband doesn't do with his guitar playing?

ContraryNoodle · 07/04/2025 16:24

Such a shame his six grant worth of guitars somehow caught fire...

FiveBarGate · 07/04/2025 16:24

I'm as tight as they come but based on your answers, even I wouldn't object.

You are clearly arty and have some experience.

That's very different to me who has zero creativity deciding I'd like to buy one because it looks fun despite never having tried it (and experience of all other forms of art suggesting I'd be unlikely to have natural aptitude!)

You've clearly thought about it and looked into firing etc. It's not a random whim.

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/04/2025 16:24

Thought so.

Fingers x there is a second hand wheel for you out there and you can throw pots and have lots of fun whilst he's at home fret-wanking all alone.

What an arse. I bet the actual reason is he doesn't want you off somewhere else enjoying yourself in time you COULD spend keeping house and running life to his benefit.

Will you be doing mugs, I do like a hand thrown mug with a nice dribbly glaze.

Hotteas · 07/04/2025 16:31

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

BustingBaoBun · 07/04/2025 16:31

I do like a hand thrown mug with a nice dribbly glaze.

Me too! but not the one my DD 'threw' that had a rim so thick I couldn't get my gob round it!

Needlenardlenoo · 07/04/2025 16:31

When you've got it, I suggest a set of YANBU mugs with viper handles would retail well...

100percenthagitude · 07/04/2025 16:36

Megifer · 07/04/2025 14:25

I know youre gonna get it op 😃 Enjoy!

Can you make him a little special pot for his plectrums?

or one for his feckin ashes x

100percenthagitude · 07/04/2025 16:37

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/04/2025 16:24

Thought so.

Fingers x there is a second hand wheel for you out there and you can throw pots and have lots of fun whilst he's at home fret-wanking all alone.

What an arse. I bet the actual reason is he doesn't want you off somewhere else enjoying yourself in time you COULD spend keeping house and running life to his benefit.

Will you be doing mugs, I do like a hand thrown mug with a nice dribbly glaze.

Fret wanking! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Notimeforaname · 07/04/2025 16:39

If he got rid of one of some of his 6 fucking guitars you might have room for ONE thing you want.

He sound like a controlling, selfish pig.

He stormed out because you decided to do something nice for yourself??!! That's fair 🙄

Notimeforaname · 07/04/2025 16:41

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 16:13

Crikey, I missed lots of here as I was round at my neighbours house (she's very happy to let me keep the wheel at hers btw). So, my husband is not doing all the work, in fact I do most of the day to day work for our holiday let business (cleaning, ironing, managing the bookings, doing the accounts, buying everything we need for guests etc). He does the garden and general maintenance. I make profit from my paintings.He doesn't gig or teach guitar, but he is very good at it and I have never begrudged him having nice guitars tbh. I'm going to get myself a second hand wheel (haven't heard if the one I saw is still available yet, but I shall keep looking if not) and use it at my neighbour's house. I can't get my head around why he is against it.

Ah its making more sense now. He wants you at home, doing everything. Not out having time for yourself.

Em1ly2023 · 07/04/2025 16:43

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 12:59

I don't ask for much but really fancy a second hand pottery wheel. My husband says it's a waste of money and that I won't use it much. I feel really sad as I have fancied one for years. My neighbour has even offered to put it in her shed/studio as we don't have room for it. AIBU?

Buy it and enjoy it! - if you lived alone you could do what you want - don’t let a man stop you!

Original poster
Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 16:46

I have always thought our marriage is great, our children are grown up and happy. We've been married for over 28 years. I guess I am shocked by how controlling he seems with this.

OP posts:
Fioratourer · 07/04/2025 16:47

Is he worried about bothering the neighbour? Can you make an outdoor space, shed etc for it? I don’t think I’d let him tell me what to do op!

MarkWithaC · 07/04/2025 16:50

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 16:46

I have always thought our marriage is great, our children are grown up and happy. We've been married for over 28 years. I guess I am shocked by how controlling he seems with this.

You said earlier you don't ask for much. Leaving aside the question of whether anyone should have to 'ask' their spouse for permission as to how to spend their own money, have you not had much for yourself over these 28 years? And is he now throwing his toys out of the pram, as someone else has said, because you might be away from the house and not just grafting all the time on your business?