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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband says I can't have a pottery wheel even though my neighbour has offered to let me keep it in her studio

458 replies

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 12:59

I don't ask for much but really fancy a second hand pottery wheel. My husband says it's a waste of money and that I won't use it much. I feel really sad as I have fancied one for years. My neighbour has even offered to put it in her shed/studio as we don't have room for it. AIBU?

OP posts:
Riaanna · 07/04/2025 15:08

BunnyLake · 07/04/2025 15:07

Why are you taking it all so personally. OP is an artist and would like a pottery wheel for a hobby. Neighbour has said she is welcome to have it at theirs. Chill out.

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Why are you asking me that and not the posters who have made some pretty serious assumptions about the OH based on nothing?

You literally launched into some random personal attack of me for asking questions to establish the bigger picture before offering advice. Why?

BunnyLake · 07/04/2025 15:09

Riaanna · 07/04/2025 15:06

What view? That getting all the facts before forming a view is the right approach?

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For god’s sake it’s not a court of law. Are you like this on every thread you visit.

Riaanna · 07/04/2025 15:09

AthWat · 07/04/2025 15:08

That's reported speech. People are not precise in reported speech. Would you be amazed if someone reported that and it turned out their words were something like "it won't work until we move house"?

It's a simple question, I don't know why the OP isn't clarifying what exactly he said.

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Exactly!!

adriftinadenofvipers · 07/04/2025 15:10

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:10

I would possibly need his help to lift it...

I'd ask the postman to help me before I'd ask him.

Who the hell does your husband think he is? Your boss? Does he have any hobbies, other than being a PITA?

Riaanna · 07/04/2025 15:10

BunnyLake · 07/04/2025 15:09

For god’s sake it’s not a court of law. Are you like this on every thread you visit.

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You have an issue with me asking for more information before giving advice but not those essentially telling her to leave him….? Why?

BustingBaoBun · 07/04/2025 15:12

Very few posters have said to leave him. Most have said, just buy the wheel. I really don't see why there needs to be any more to it.

BunnyLake · 07/04/2025 15:12

Riaanna · 07/04/2025 15:08

Why are you asking me that and not the posters who have made some pretty serious assumptions about the OH based on nothing?

You literally launched into some random personal attack of me for asking questions to establish the bigger picture before offering advice. Why?

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Maybe OP doesn’t particularly need your advice. Is it somehow more valuable than anybody else’s on here? Unless you can speak directly to her OH you’re going to have to base your advice (if you must) on the info available.

adriftinadenofvipers · 07/04/2025 15:12

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 14:14

He has spent about £6000 in the last couple of years on guitars.

Then tell him to fuck right off, the controlling arse, and he can sell the bloody guitars while he's at it!

crumblingschools · 07/04/2025 15:13

@AthWat but unless the DH comes onto the thread we are only going to get reported speech

Riaanna · 07/04/2025 15:13

BunnyLake · 07/04/2025 15:12

Maybe OP doesn’t particularly need your advice. Is it somehow more valuable than anybody else’s on here? Unless you can speak directly to her OH you’re going to have to base your advice (if you must) on the info available.

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Anyone who’s given advice based on the information given is wasting the OP’s time. Because there isn’t sufficient information provided to do anything other than provide poor advice.

Hwi · 07/04/2025 15:14

How expensive is it? Surely not more than a few hundred quid?

BunnyLake · 07/04/2025 15:14

Riaanna · 07/04/2025 15:10

You have an issue with me asking for more information before giving advice but not those essentially telling her to leave him….? Why?

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I’ve advised her to buy the wheel. I haven’t offered any advice about leaving. I very much doubt she will leave based on this thread. The thread is about buying the wheel not about leaving.

PremiumD · 07/04/2025 15:14

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:36

Eye roll because I have never complained about him buying more guitars.. sorry I wasn't eye rolling at you

I don’t think it looked as though you were eyerolling at her. People are just trying to make you feel bad. I say go for the kiln!

Megifer · 07/04/2025 15:15

Riaanna · 07/04/2025 15:05

Here’s the thing.

I asked perfectly reasonable questions to find out if he is indeed a dick.

Others assumed he is.

A&B run a joint business. Suppose he is a plumber. And does all the work. And the joint element is literally her signing the books once a year but that’s it. Or she answers the odd email. But 98% of the work is him.
A buys guitars but he is supporting the entire household and B contributes nothing. She paints. And makes the odd bit of money.
B has over the years spent thousands on her art and doesn’t work because artist.
B has made peanuts on art and although has saved it she also contributes near enough zero to the household.

Now I don’t know if that’s the case. It’s the alternative to what you’ve assumed. Something you also don’t know.

What you will note is that while you and others have advice I did not. I tried to establish the big picture before giving advice. Because that’s the balanced thing to do. Perhaps you’re right. Perhaps she does and always has contributed. Perhaps it is a 50/50 business and her art work is part of the household. Perhaps he is just unfair. And if that’s the case my advice would differ greatly than if the alternative is correct.

Just because you and others have assumed a narrative doesn’t mean I have. Hence no advice given yet.

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Youre over complicating Mumsnet i think. Maybe business analysts or acclaimed life advisors require facts before advising but this is just about a woman, who is an equal, spending joint money on herself, as her DH does, and her DH is seeing his arse over it.

And you're just a poster who's opinion/advice may or may not matter to the op.

Don't stress about it.

BunnyLake · 07/04/2025 15:15

Riaanna · 07/04/2025 15:13

Anyone who’s given advice based on the information given is wasting the OP’s time. Because there isn’t sufficient information provided to do anything other than provide poor advice.

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About a pottery wheel?

BustingBaoBun · 07/04/2025 15:16

Riaanna · 07/04/2025 15:13

Anyone who’s given advice based on the information given is wasting the OP’s time. Because there isn’t sufficient information provided to do anything other than provide poor advice.

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You think it's poor advice. No one else does!

The OP has provided a scenario. She has explained she is paying for the wheel herself. She has provided details of where the wheel can be based. She has given detail of her husband's £6,000 guitar collection.
That is honestly all we need to know.

I am not interested in whether her husband is a plumber and she signs some papers once a year! The fact her husband indulges his hobby to the tune of £6K and she is looking to spend £350 of her own money is enough for me to answer the thread.
BUY THE WHEEL!

BunnyLake · 07/04/2025 15:16

Megifer · 07/04/2025 15:15

Youre over complicating Mumsnet i think. Maybe business analysts or acclaimed life advisors require facts before advising but this is just about a woman, who is an equal, spending joint money on herself, as her DH does, and her DH is seeing his arse over it.

And you're just a poster who's opinion/advice may or may not matter to the op.

Don't stress about it.

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I think that poster is getting rather intense about the purchase of a pottery wheel.

AthWat · 07/04/2025 15:16

crumblingschools · 07/04/2025 15:13

@AthWat but unless the DH comes onto the thread we are only going to get reported speech

No, reported speech is imprecise. That's the nature of it.

Reported speech is:
He came in and said there was some elephants outside.
as opposed to
He came in and said "There's a herd of bloody elephants coming down the road"

If the OP tells us whether he used the wording of "you can't do this", or "you're not allowed", or "I forbid it", rather than "We don't have room and you wouldn't use it, I don't think you should", that's fine by me.

Riaanna · 07/04/2025 15:17

BunnyLake · 07/04/2025 15:14

I’ve advised her to buy the wheel. I haven’t offered any advice about leaving. I very much doubt she will leave based on this thread. The thread is about buying the wheel not about leaving.

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Advising she buy the wheel is poor advice given the information provided. There are endless scenarios where that isn’t appropriate. And, again, based on the information we have so far any advice is premature.

adriftinadenofvipers · 07/04/2025 15:17

Riaanna · 07/04/2025 15:13

Anyone who’s given advice based on the information given is wasting the OP’s time. Because there isn’t sufficient information provided to do anything other than provide poor advice.

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How obtuse can you be?!

BunnyLake · 07/04/2025 15:17

Riaanna · 07/04/2025 15:17

Advising she buy the wheel is poor advice given the information provided. There are endless scenarios where that isn’t appropriate. And, again, based on the information we have so far any advice is premature.

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😭😭😭. I will leave you to it. I don’t have the motivation to continue.

ClairDeLaLune · 07/04/2025 15:18

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 14:01

Hmm...he said that we don't have room for it and he thinks I won't use it much and I should just stick to painting. When I told him our neighbour offered to let me keep one at hers (we discussed this about two years ago) he stormed out of the house. I think that I should be allowed to buy it with my own money and use it as often or as little as I choose.

Good grief, is your husband a toddler? Storming out of the house is ridiculous. He sounds very controlling, is he like that in other ways too? You shouldn’t need his permission to have a hobby. Show him this thread.

adriftinadenofvipers · 07/04/2025 15:18

Riaanna · 07/04/2025 15:17

Advising she buy the wheel is poor advice given the information provided. There are endless scenarios where that isn’t appropriate. And, again, based on the information we have so far any advice is premature.

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This is patently ridiculous.

WTF more do you need to know? OP wants to buy it, her H says she can't - the end.

Do you want his email address or WhatsApp?

Riaanna · 07/04/2025 15:18

Megifer · 07/04/2025 15:15

Youre over complicating Mumsnet i think. Maybe business analysts or acclaimed life advisors require facts before advising but this is just about a woman, who is an equal, spending joint money on herself, as her DH does, and her DH is seeing his arse over it.

And you're just a poster who's opinion/advice may or may not matter to the op.

Don't stress about it.

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You’ve made numerous statements in that post that are assumptions.

adriftinadenofvipers · 07/04/2025 15:19

BunnyLake · 07/04/2025 15:17

😭😭😭. I will leave you to it. I don’t have the motivation to continue.

Edited
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Sometimes I despair...

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