My one and only holiday ruined?

[AbbeyDown]

AIBU to feel really upset that my holiday plans have changed without my input?

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m feeling really unsettled about something, and my husband doesn’t seem to get where I’m coming from.

We booked a 10-day holiday abroad as a break after my 16-year-old daughter finishes her GCSEs. It was meant to be just the three of us — a time to relax, unwind, and celebrate her finishing such a stressful chapter.

Now I’ve found out that my husband’s long-time friend (who I’ve known for years, but we’re not especially close) has also booked onto the same holiday, staying at our hotel. He’s bringing along his girlfriend, who I’ve only met once, and their two kids — one who is close in age to my daughter, and a 5 year-old.

I had no say in this. My husband told them about our plans, and they just… decided to come. Apparently it was going to be kept a secret and just surprise us when we got to the airport. I wasn’t asked if I was okay with it, and now I’m expected to share my holiday with a group of people I don’t know well, including a young child, which changes the whole dynamic of the trip.

I also want to be honest: I struggle with confidence, especially around my body and skin. I deal with hormonal acne, and holidays are the one time I let go, go makeup-free, and truly relax — knowing no one knows me and I don’t have to “perform” socially. Now, with someone 12 years younger than me who I barely know coming along, I feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable. It’s not about jealousy — it’s about not feeling safe to just be myself anymore.

My husband says I’m overreacting and that there’s “nothing wrong with my body,” but he’s totally missing the emotional side of this for me. I feel like my space has been taken away from me, and I’ve lost the freedom I was looking forward to.

AIBU to feel upset about this? And has anyone else dealt with something similar?

It is indeed a good message, but firstly I am unconvinced he is an innocent party in all this - at the very least he screen shotted the exact flights and hotel of their holiday, and secondly at this point I wouldn’t trust him to post pre addressed stamped Christmas cards in a letter box.

If you want something doing, far better to do it yourself and through the DGF who may be more socially aware than her numbskull BF and your blithering idiot of a DH.

I think you and DD can go stealth in the adults pool area.

No one will care unless she goes to the bar.

Those areas are more for no young children/less noise than policing for random 17 year olds.

I really sympathise though OP. Either your DH is unbelievably dense or he's working very hard not to understand how unreasonable this whole situation is.

Bless you, I totally get how you feel. I hope you get to change hotels or at the very least get your daughter into the adults only area. At all inclusive as I recall, you get wrist bands, just ask for 3 adults when you check in. If that doesn't work give your husband the kids wristband, your daughter his band and you two go off and and leave him socialising......I doubt very much you would be challenged. Please update us.

I don’t think I’d be too cross with your husband unless you think he’s lying. It’s perfectly normal to share details of a good hotel with someone if they ask. I imagine mentioning the dates you are going is just because it sort of gets included in the discussion. Only you can know if he genuinely seems surprised they’re going to be there at the same time as you or not. If you think he was in on it you obviously have a problem, but if he’s surprised then I really wouldn’t blame him for it at all. How could he expect they’d book the same dates as you without be invited because who the hell does that?! They sound cheeky, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they are hoping to spend time with you there, and maybe even get a bit of free childcare. Rather than falling out with your DH over it, you need to agree a plan of action together now. Shut down any and all attempts by them to get you to engage on with them. Don’t worry about being rude. You owe them nothing. They were completely insane to book the same dates as you, they have already been incredibly rude. Just ignore them, and if they take offence point out how incredibly rude they were to hijack your holiday. Don’t let these CFs cheat you out of your hard earned holiday.

He didn't just mention it in passing though. He was asked for their exact dates, flight details etc and provided these in an email. Of course he knew they were looking at booking the exact same trip.

I wouldn’t usually advocate for breaking hotel rules but I imagine your daughter will get away with going in adult pool area. On a trip to Mexico our hotel gym was over 18’s my 6 ft son was 16 at the time but gym obsessed. Knowing this prior to the holiday I bought my son some long sleeve gym tops that conveniently covered the child bracelet the hotel put on him. He managed to go into the gym and work out each day. I also paid adult prices and wanted my son to enjoy his holiday. May I suggest a long sleeve cover up for your daughter to wear walking into the adult pool area?

Hi OP, I honestly feel SO angry for you - especially that your DH takes absolutely no responsibility! I bet he still sees it as a lads break and the families can occupy each other…

Can you cancel and get some money back? I’d be so bloody minded that I would do this - and then book a holiday just me and DD. Your DH can then choose to tag along with his mate and his family and see how they like it. Have you got travel insurance that may help?

I would NOT be going on that holiday even if it meant losing money.

I’m so sorry you found my summary condescending. That certainly wasn’t my intention.

I gave a factual recap.

Kindly, why do you think they shouldn’t have to rearrange their holiday and you should?

I would be really pissed off as well @AbbeyDown

Only you know the people involved, if your DH was genuinely surprised that the other party replicated your trip without his knowledge.

Hopefully you will be able to sit by the adult pool as that will mean they can't stay with you.

I would absolutely make it clear that you need a plan if you do end up in the same hotel and you will not be socialising with them

Ideally your DH will do what @MissScarletInTheBallroom suggests before you go on holiday.

Do you think you could show DH this thread?

I like this option too….

I really feel for you as this would be intolerable for me. If changing the hotel isn’t an option you definitely need to set some boundaries before you leave and be prepared to stick to these. I hope you manage to get something sorted out.

Send the girlfriend the link to this thread.. that will sort it!
Seriously though I feel for you me and my daughter would hate this x

How is this supposed to make her feel better when she is already upset?!

Off topic slightly @AbbeyDown but I had hormonal acne from age 12 until my mid 30s when I tried Treclin Gel.

It was life changing for me! I'm not sure if you've ever tried it but I got the prescription from boots online.

@AbbeyDown

Completely aside - I have cystic acne (I’m 41 and have been plagued forever except when pregnant) my husband bought me the shark face mask for Christmas and I run the blemish repair mode every day after cleansing. It’s been really successful in helping my skin. It’s still not perfect, no, but a significant improvement after about 8 weeks use and when I stopped using it on a holiday (left it at home) by day 4 my acne flared badly again so now I even take it away with me. It’s ugly, quite heavy and hard to get used to (maybe I’m a wuss) and it’s very expensive! I’d have never bought it myself but now I’ll honestly swear by it (96 sessions completed so it tells me)

Totally agree with you OP that it would really change the whole feel of the whole holiday being a special time for the three of you to celebrate end of exams and just relaxing. I think it’s ridiculous that your DH sent a screenshot and dates to his friend without thought. He needs to explain that you all wanted a quiet family holiday just the three of you and he needs to apologise if he has misled friend.

He cant make you go there and I completely understand how it’s ruined your anticipation and enjoyment which has now become worry. Can you find somewhere else? Can you postpone for two weeks and change flights? Really hope you can fix it and make sure DH knows you never want to have people forced on you again on holiday. Surely the friends can understand your DD just wanting her own family?

Good luck OP I really hope it gets sorted and you have a brilliant relaxing time.

@Peaceandquietandacuppa & @Easipeelerie I siad this pages ago, OP should just tell him, the Husband, he's been uninvited, his mess, his problem & as if he didn't cop after his friend asked for the dates, hotel & a fucking screenshot of it? NOPE! He's coming across as an asshole @AbbeyDown & downplaying it & making out you're over reacting would make a really bad situation worse

Jesus wept, this place sometimes eh?

My MIL used to try to hijack our holidays, claiming she’d help with the kids, etc. (The kids that don’t know her or like her.) She would fuck off to the nearest casino and play with slot machines instead, reappear at dinner time saying “Where are we going?” and expect us to pay. She tried to come on our honeymoon too come to think of it. Blech… I had to state very clearly that if she was going, I wasn’t and would happily find a lovely place to spend time alone while they juggled the kids together.

This shouts that they planned a lad's holiday. It's not normal to share that much detail, you'd just say we're going to Hotel Tropicana in Alicante the last two weeks in August. Definitely not we're on the Jet2 2.30 flight from Gatwick on the 15th and returning on the 7.30 flight on the 30th.

If you're travelling independently how are you getting from the airport to the hotel? Is dh expecting to share transport?

I'd be telling it's either him going on the holiday or me and dd. I'd rather be at home chilled out than be constantly stressed about what dh was planning for us at the hotel. That's no holiday.

But it’s not OK for the OP, is it? If I’m being kind, I’d say you have misread the situation.

She has been so clear about all the reasons it’s not OK, and everyone is trying to find a get-out for her. Telling her to suck it up is really unhelpful. Thank goodness she’s had some really helpful advice.

It’s so MN to say ‘if this is the biggest problem in your life…..’ ….FFS, it actually is for her. And by the way, she’s allowed her updates so if they’re getting too much for you, perhaps you could get your coat?

Yes, do this ⬆️

God yes I totally agree with you. I’m getting ‘City Slickers’ vibes with the younger girlfriend fannying about in her bikini and making you uncomfortable. Bloody annoying your husband is down playing it. He’s being insensitive. He’d hate it if you met a female friend of yours with her super new young fit boyfriend. You’re right to be pissed off. I’d hate it. Absolutely hate it. You need to transfer hotels. Don’t take no for an answer. You’ll be bloody miserable otherwise and he’ll just be arsey towards you for ‘ruining’ the holiday. Ultimate bloody irony. Do not roll over on this one. You’ve earned your nice holiday. Big hug and moral support from all us tired, body imperfect, getting older mums too xx

OP if you can't change the hotel then be at the adult pool every day. There have been great suggestions on here on how to get DD in there.

I'd also have a very firm discussion with DH before you go and set some ground rules. Tell him very clearly that it will be fine if those rules are adhered to. Then work out what works for you, write it down so he can't try to weasel out of it and stick to it. If awkward conversations are required then he is the one who has to have them.

Because right now, you are the only one inconvenienced. The only way to stop this happening again and to salvage the holiday is for him to be inconvenienced.

Are you mixing up City Slickers with something else?! City Slickers was three middle aged men on a dude ranch, nothing to do with young women in bikinis!