My one and only holiday ruined?

[AbbeyDown]

AIBU to feel really upset that my holiday plans have changed without my input?

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m feeling really unsettled about something, and my husband doesn’t seem to get where I’m coming from.

We booked a 10-day holiday abroad as a break after my 16-year-old daughter finishes her GCSEs. It was meant to be just the three of us — a time to relax, unwind, and celebrate her finishing such a stressful chapter.

Now I’ve found out that my husband’s long-time friend (who I’ve known for years, but we’re not especially close) has also booked onto the same holiday, staying at our hotel. He’s bringing along his girlfriend, who I’ve only met once, and their two kids — one who is close in age to my daughter, and a 5 year-old.

I had no say in this. My husband told them about our plans, and they just… decided to come. Apparently it was going to be kept a secret and just surprise us when we got to the airport. I wasn’t asked if I was okay with it, and now I’m expected to share my holiday with a group of people I don’t know well, including a young child, which changes the whole dynamic of the trip.

I also want to be honest: I struggle with confidence, especially around my body and skin. I deal with hormonal acne, and holidays are the one time I let go, go makeup-free, and truly relax — knowing no one knows me and I don’t have to “perform” socially. Now, with someone 12 years younger than me who I barely know coming along, I feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable. It’s not about jealousy — it’s about not feeling safe to just be myself anymore.

My husband says I’m overreacting and that there’s “nothing wrong with my body,” but he’s totally missing the emotional side of this for me. I feel like my space has been taken away from me, and I’ve lost the freedom I was looking forward to.

AIBU to feel upset about this? And has anyone else dealt with something similar?

Fair enough, I did check a couple of times too and I just didn't see it, I'm sorry. I'd been following your thread closely too because I've found it interesting, don't know how I missed it.

But yes you're right, having apologised I'll bow out as I'm finding it a frustrating read now -you've been repeating yourself about your hair and makeup for days but show no inclination to push for an actual resolution. Frustrated FOR you not by you! Either way, I hope it works out for you and you have a lovely holiday.

I think your husband saying “I didn’t think they’d book it” after giving them the details contravenes that he said he had no idea

@Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice Appreciate the apology really, I do. But let’s set the record straight while we’re here: I’ve never once mentioned my hair, so I’m not sure where that little narrative came from. And as for the makeup, it’s about hormonal acne and not wanting to feel exposed around people I barely know, not some obsession with looking flawless poolside. Bit of a difference.

I get that it’s frustrating to follow along when a situation doesn’t resolve neatly, trust me, it’s ten times more frustrating being the one stuck in it, especially when it involves emotional stress, a blindsided family holiday, and over £1,000 to fix it.

But fair enough if you’re done, you’re done. I just suggest that if you’re going to bow out, do it with a little grace… not a passive-aggressive mic drop.

Are you projecting your anger onto posters here now? 🙄

An aspect of this that bothers me is that I think it might be to do with your partner's relationship with your daughter.

I'm on a second marriage and while both DH and I try most of the time to be fair and inclusive to our mutual step children and own children it's not always easy. I've noticed that I double down on protecting times with my own children and he doubles down on protecting his with his. He's sometimes suggested combining seeing my kids with friends of his. I suspect that's because he's a bit uncomfortable with the closeness we have.

I wonder if being away with you and your step daughter alone won't feel quite as compelling and warm and family like to your DH and that might be why he invited others? Because by sending all the details I think he definitely did "invite" them.

Doesn't help sort it out but it might explain.

I'm of the mind that because he caused the problem he should sort it out either by asking his friends to try to book later or telling them that he and OP won't be available much.

I would pre warn dh that you won’t be spending anytime with them.

if you give these people an inch they will trample all over what you say

They will think that 1 evening out can be repeated as why wouldn’t you want to now you have been out with them.

It’s not projecting anger when posters misrepresent what you said and what you didn’t say.

Are you saying OP is not allowed to answer back when people make up things about her?

I would be pissed off with this too. If you can't move hotels maybe see how you go for a few days and if it's hard work just plan a few days out for you and your dd - leave the husband! And don't tell anyone your plans obviously!

You might find, if they have a 5 year old, that your timings are out a sync anyway- ie they are up early while you can have a lie in; you can go for dinner late where 5 year old usually eat early etc...

I'm with you, this is an awful cheek and possibly why they don't have other friends for holidays. If I can help about your tricky skin, Dianette is a miracle cure if you can take the pill, Spironolactone (for blood pressure but has a quirky skin clearing side effect) if not. Hold firm, you are nobody's free child care. "No, that doesn't work for me".

It’s not her only shirty comment though is it? Also, the poster she was replying to in that post made a mistake and subsequently apologised. Jumping on someone for a mistake is unnecessary.

FWIW @AbbeyDown I am still so livid on your behalf.

DH will have to tell them to keep away from you. It's that simple. "My DW and DD need the space and holiday away from everyone and do not want to socialise." He can apologise to them if necessary (if it makes him feel better 🙄), but this is NOT your fault or your problem. It's their fault for inserting themselves into your holiday.

I'm leaning towards this as your solution because of the extra ££'s you can't afford.

@StrikeForever Nope. I’m not projecting anything. I’m responding to comments that have been dismissive, patronising, or flat-out incorrect. There’s a difference between holding my ground and “lashing out.”

If people want to weigh in, that’s fair enough but they should expect that I might respond when they get snarky or make assumptions. This is a support thread, not a place to pass judgment and then cry foul when someone bites back.

The eye-roll’s noted, though super helpful contribution.

I don’t think that was a genuine apology. Dismissing OP’s anxiety about her body as ‘repeating yourself about your hair and makeup for days’ is not nice at all, especially as the reason Op wants to go on holiday with just her family is because she can be free and not wear any make up.

Funny how you haven’t commented on those shirt comments to OP, eh?

Ok - here’s an idea. Go, suck it up, smile vaguely but don’t particularly engage. Fein a stomach bug/sun stroke/bad back whatever to stop their entreaties that you ‘join in’ and when you get home take that £1000 and spend it on a trip away by yourself. If Dh complains explain it’s happening so tough. You’ve earned a you time holiday the much as he had. You deserve it. X

But there is no spare £1000 !

If there was it would be better put to ensuring OP and her DD get the holiday they deserve, rather than OP wandering around with feigned ailments then going for a solo break that she never indicated she wanted.

The whole money element is I suspect key to some of this, and it would be good to understand who paid for what on the holiday and how the usual split of finances work.

Take no notice of some of these posters OP… plenty of people on this thread completely understand why this has ruined your holiday, don’t waste your energy trying to justify it.

any chance your DH has seen sense and said he will tell his friend to cancel his holiday/change his dates?

Update – Some Sort of Resolution (and still not posting under multiple usernames… promise)

After trawling through hotel websites like a woman possessed and briefly considering flogging a family heirloom on eBay, I’ve finally accepted that moving hotels just isn’t financially realistic. Because we booked early and got a good deal, changing now would cost around £1,000 more — mostly because DD is classed as an adult. (The irony of her being “adult enough” to pay full price but maybe not to get into the adults-only pool isn’t lost on me.)

So here’s the workaround: I’ve upgraded our room to a superior suite — big wraparound balcony, lots of privacy, and crucially, access to the over-18s pool. If they slap a child wristband on DD at check-in (despite her being 16 and very much paying adult rates), I’ll hand her mine, claim it snapped, and grab a new one. Thank you to the lovely poster @MummBRaaarrrTheEverLeakingfor suggesting this. Not ideal, but desperate times call for creative wristband tactics.

It’s cost a bit more, but at this stage, I’m basically throwing money at the concept of peace and quiet. Me and DD will have our little sanctuary and can avoid the “group holiday” dynamic we never signed up for.

DH, for his part, is now saying he’s “not really that bothered” if his mate and the extended cast of Surprise Holiday: The Sequel show up. He’s told them we’ll be doing our own thing, but also let me know he’s “sick of hearing about it” and that I’m “making it a bigger deal than it is.” Honestly, if I had a pound for every time a man shrugged off a woman’s legitimate frustration, I could afford a new hotel. I’ve had a conversation with DD and most importantly she is happy with this plan.

And to the few keyboard warriors who suggested I was projecting, making a fuss, or posting under multiple usernames — I appreciate the side-plot, truly. Every drama needs a supporting cast.

To everyone else who offered genuine support, humour, and advice that didn’t come wrapped in passive-aggression — thank you. Me and DD will be reclaiming our holiday, one upgraded balcony at a time.

I’m glad you have found a good solution, @AbbeyDown, and can look forward to the holiday now. It’s sad that your dh is being such an arse about it, though.

That sounds like a great solution!

I wonder if the gate crashers will ask to hang around your swizzy new room! 😂

What does DH think of this?

They won't be able to because they have a small child.

Good solution OP.

I will be keeping what floor we are on a secret! He hasn’t said much just how much more is it costing?

I said this was your doing that I have now had to try and resolve so suck it up!!! I upgraded it first and told him afterwards

Absolutely delighted for you. And hope your husband has learned a lesson. Good for you!

That does sound like a good resolution. I hope you can now get back to looking forward to your holiday and have a great time when you get there.

Oh, and if your DH gets any bright ideas about inviting the invaders back to your balcony, I’ll be your alibi.

Im glad you’ve reached a resolution. I must admit I’m so invested in how this holiday goes. Please do give us a quick post holiday debrief. We need to know did your husband plan it, were you expected to be childcare…
in all seriousness though, relax now and get your daughter through her exams and then have a lovely adult only holiday!

Well done OP - I actually love the idea of a superior room with its own private balcony, i would be as soon as arrive stock up on snacks and drinks and stay there for a good bit sounds heavenly. Stay strong now what's done is done. Try and put it behind you and enjoy your holiday when it arrives