To ask a parent to move their buggy from a café so I can sit down?

[TheUmberFawn]

Went to a busy café at lunchtime. One table was occupied by a mum with a large pram taking up the space of two chairs. There were no other free tables, so I asked politely if she could move it so I could sit. She gave me a dirty look and mumbled something about needing space. I get that babies come with stuff but why should that mean no one else can sit? AIBU for asking?

Agreed. It's not like it's a high-end restaurant! It's a cafe. So bizarre people are so possessive over their tables. I don't think you were BU OP. I can understand it being tough on your own with a big pram in a cafe though. Cafes are often not particularly well designed for prams and wheelchairs as the tables and chairs can be crammed in to accommodate as many paying customers as possible.

Besides how would you know all the tables would be full while by the time you've finished in the queue?

I used to work in a busy cafe and we'd have lots of people sharing tables at busy periods. No one objected. That was a good 20 years ago though, maybe times have changed.

Then please start using your politesse skills. You may have asked ‘politely’ but it was rude to ask in the first place. It was rude to assume you should be able to suggest sitting down at an already occupied table. It was rude to assume because someone wasn’t using a chair at an occupied table that you should be allowed to ask. Just because you did something ‘politely’ doesn’t mean it was polite to do so.

In the UK we ask politely if we can sit at an occupied table. They can refuse, and we move on.

I don’t think the woman with the baby was necessarily being possessive it was probably just logistically difficult to make space for the OP to sit down? Whether the pram gets moved, folded or baby gets into a highchair, they’re still taking up room?

Right, no I would not want you to sit there.

What are you talking about? How does the OP not being able to sit at a 2 person table that was already occupied affect the bottom line of the cafe?

You never worked in one then. Like any business it works on a outgoings/income basis for it to be viable.

Bums on chairs and all that.

That’s not normal coffee shop etiquette.

Of course. What would you do if you had a tray with your coffee and cake on and by the time you'd finished in the queue there were no empty tables? Would you just stand there awkwardly until someone else left? Or just give up and go home? So bizarre.

Do you also not sit next to someone on a train because they like to use the seat next to them for a bag? If there is a spare seat it is fine to ask to use it. It's not like she wanted to sit on her lap!

I hope you tip generously OP.

Nothing wrong with asking to share a table if there are no tables free.

100%

I can't believe so many people are anti-sharing a table when it's busy. I just thought that was normal.

Are you in The Netherlands?

And I agree if she’d folded up the pram then baby would have gone in a High chair in the space where the pram/other seat had been. So still no space for the OP.

I have worked in a cafe and if it hadn’t been welcoming to women alone with prams, on the basis they’re occupying a 2 seater table, it would have been half empty on weekday afternoons. Also, I often go to cafes alone and it’s very common to see people sitting alone at 2 seat tables.

YABVU
She's there with her child. Would you gave moved a child out of it's seat onto it's mothers lap so you could also sit at that table? That's craziness.
She has a right to be there at her own table with her kid.
Now if she were taking up multiple tables I'd understand getting annoyed...
But being at a 2 person table with her baby... thats two people on a two person table! You'd absolutely no right to expect she moves her child for you.

I've never had the experience of not getting a table because I get organised and reserve a table in advance.

Or I am already with a group (usually family), and can see there are limited tables and tell the teenagers, or whoever, to go plonk themselves at 'that' table while I do the order. Then I know I have a table. I wouldn't order if I didn't, unless I was prepared to take it away with me.

I’m not anti sharing a table. I’m anti moving my baby out of its pram to do so. The child is also an occupant of the table.

Nope. Uk. Only place I’ve ever shared a table with strangers is Wagamama and I am a weekly frequenter of multiple coffee shops. 😁

Asking yes, but OP didn't ask. She directed.

It's best to ask because if I'm on my own at a table, it means I'm waiting for someone who is due to arrive and will be taking that seat. I'd also have normally booked the table for two in advance of my own arrival to be sure of a table for us.

Are you in The Netherlands?

This makes me laugh cos coffeeshops in The Netherlands are a whole different concept where you go to buy hash and weed. Oh, you can get a coffee obviously and water/soft drinks, kids not allowed of course.

But there was obviously space for the chair/seat, as there was one there. I pictured/imagined the pram was just in front of the table and had to be moved slightly so OP could access the seat.

I do sympathise with having to manoeuvre the pram though - in most cafes the tables and chairs can be a bit of a squeeze. I'm more shocked by all the people commenting how unreasonable it is to ask to share a table in a busy cafe. I bet none of them have ever owned a cafe!

I've never expected or attempted to sit down at someone else's table. Person sat there could be waiting for someone to arrive etc.

Sounds more European, I've been a hotel recently abroad where in the dining room there were large tables people could sit at to share, if they wanted. Most people just kept to the tables of 2/4. Especially the British. Even when the dining room was virtually empty some other nationalities preferred to table share at those tables.

In a coffee shop or similar here, I'd get a take out/go to another cafe that had space/go to the car, etc.

If you're on your own how do you "reserve a table in advance"? ETA I mean you can't get someone else in your party to get a table.

But they aren't using the seat...

But presumably the pram is in a place that is convenient for the mother where she can see and attend to her baby. It’s not just moving a pram is it? It’s moving her child. OP apparently expected the mother to fold the pram down, although quite where it was going to be stored in a busy cafe I’m not sure. Prams with babies in are not just randomly placed.