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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask a parent to move their buggy from a café so I can sit down?

405 replies

TheUmberFawn · 06/04/2025 22:20

Went to a busy café at lunchtime. One table was occupied by a mum with a large pram taking up the space of two chairs. There were no other free tables, so I asked politely if she could move it so I could sit. She gave me a dirty look and mumbled something about needing space. I get that babies come with stuff but why should that mean no one else can sit? AIBU for asking?

OP posts:
Sofiewoo · 08/04/2025 12:35

LazyArsedMagician · 07/04/2025 20:54

Buggies have wheels and are literally made to move the baby around? Is this really a question?

What is confusing about this? You shift it along a bit so that another paying adult can sit down. It's a cafe, it's not hot desking or trying to eat a sit down meal.

Honestly the disingenuous rigidity of some people.

You haven’t answered my question which was where would the baby go?
The pram and baby are currently at the table, if they were moved so the stranger can sit, where is the baby going?

Sofiewoo · 08/04/2025 12:38

@LazyArsedMagician is there a difference between having a coffee with a friend at the same table when your child is in attendance, or just when it's a stranger? I mean, by all means take a personal risk assessment and don't do things you're uncomfortable with, but if you think shooting someone a shitty look when they ask a reasonable question is appropriate then you're the problem here

Of course there’s a difference planning to go out with 2 adults and a baby and finding a table that accommodates you and a random stranger sitting at your table? I mean obviously??

Do you ensure that you're sitting somewhere where you guarantee no one is going to have an accident?
No but I can take the very simple and logical choice to not have a total stranger sitting with hot food and coffee within arms reach of a grabby baby. Seems fairly clear?

Needspaceforlego · 08/04/2025 13:37

@Sofiewoo
Are you not a magician can you not have your baby hover in mid air above the table? Out of harms way?

And have your pram disappear just to magically make it reappear when you are ready to leave?

A certain Magician seems to have master the disappeaeing act and is unable to answer the questions of mere muggle folks!

Laura95167 · 08/04/2025 21:47

TheUmberFawn · 06/04/2025 22:29

Just to clarify - it was a two-person table and she was sitting at one chair with her pram parked where the second chair would be. There were no other free tables in the café. I asked politely if she could move the pram so I could sit down, not to talk her table or crowd her - just to share it, which isn’t unusual in busy cafés. It wasn’t confrontational but she seemed put out by the request.

I think this is weird. Why would you sit with her - If I was in a cafe and she was alone I'd have still left her alone. Her table was busy. The cafe was full, get your coffee to go

It had space for 2 to sit and she was there with her baby, 2 people already in the two spaces.

BrightGreenPoet · 12/04/2025 21:38

You're not unreasonable if you don't understand why the request was unreasonable, and it can be hard to understand if you don't have kids. I have three so I'll help you out here:

Babies who need support to sit can't be put in restaurant high chairs in my experience. These are made for children who can sit unassisted and don't offer support, they're more of a containment unit, like a dog leash, when you don't want your kid roaming free and tearing the place up. They're usually not allowed to go into this kind of highchair until they're 6+ months old. The big, bulky ones used at home do usually offer some support and can be used a bit earlier, but they take up as much room as a stroller.

It is also very difficult to do anything with an infant sitting on your lap, especially eating and drinking, because they grab at everything. It's like trying to eat a meal with a dog sitting on your lap trying to take a bite out of everything. They have zero table manners and grab everything. I say this an hour after spending three hours with my fourteen-month-old on my lap at a birthday party.

Strollers are essentially used in a similar way as a wheelchair and expecting a parent to move one is about the same as expecting someone who uses a wheelchair to remove themselves from the wheelchair and to sit in a regular chair so that you can take the wheelchair's space, this is why people are so grumpy with you.

Honestly, it's totally okay to ask, but you should approach it as if you're asking if it is hypothetically possible because you know it probably isn't. "I'm really sorry to bother you, but there aren't any seats anywhere. Do you think there's any way I might be able to schooch in somewhere with you and the baby? I'm not really sure there's a way I could fit, but I thought I'd ask just in case."

But getting take out is the best option in this situation. The baby was there first and you don't have any more right to expect the baby to move because it's in a stroller any more than you do someone who uses a wheelchair.

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