To ask a parent to move their buggy from a café so I can sit down?

[TheUmberFawn]

Went to a busy café at lunchtime. One table was occupied by a mum with a large pram taking up the space of two chairs. There were no other free tables, so I asked politely if she could move it so I could sit. She gave me a dirty look and mumbled something about needing space. I get that babies come with stuff but why should that mean no one else can sit? AIBU for asking?

She asked her to move her pram which, as the baby was presumably in the pram, meant move your baby and all of the other paraphernalia. Maybe baby was content in the pram. When my DD was little, she was a nightmare in a high chair and sitting in a cafe with her in the pram was a way for me to be able to drink a hot drink and have a break. Also where would the pram have been moved to in a busy cafe? And why should the mother and baby be inconvenienced? The woman was under no obligation to share the table she occupied.

And I’d have said no. 😁

how is she going to fold the pram (two handed job) if she has a baby to hold? You think she could have folded it up? Maybe she can’t? Maybe the basket underneath was full of stuff making it impossible. Maybe she has a health condition preventing her from doing it which she doesn’t have to divulge. Maybe she just didn’t want to share her table. If she moves the pram away from the table someone else will complain it’s in the way. Or her baby gets cranky and wants to nap in the pram and now she can’t use it. 🤷‍♀️

If the child is in the pram and the child is not an older child - such as a disabled child in a larger pushchair or a child that will sit in a high chair or on the seat - then the carer should move the pram to enable access to the seat. It’s basic manners and it’s what I see in cafes. People are accommodating- I would welcome a carer/parent with their child/ren to share my table - as I would anyone who needs a seat.

Oh come on, counting the baby in a pram as the second person at a table is a bit of a stretch.

Having said that, I'd never ask to share a two person table (way too intimate) and the done thing would really be to ask whether you could sit at their table.

I wouldn’t want to share a table with a mum and babies - no matter how nice/cute they are - so would have loooked for another cafe.

No you wouldn’t.

You were really unreasonable. She was sat at a table occupying it perfectly reasonably minding her own business and you muscled in and intruded upon her time in the cafe telling her to move her baby and forcing her to share the table.

You are hugely unreasonable and really entitled.

If the cafe is that busy where is she going to put her pram? Not away from her if it has her baby in it.

Besides I can’t think of anything more awkward than sitting at a two person table with a mum who has just moved her pram and baby out of the way at my request.

My meds - lol -your comment is stupid. I’ll make it simples - What magical being was in the spare chair? No one was using it. Cue thoughtfulness and don’t prevent someone from sitting at the empty seat or using the seat space.

The op said the baby could sit in a highchair. Once my children sat in high chairs they tended to have a snack and beaker of water in a cafe (usually a board book or a little toy too). Those things take up the space of a second person.

Totally unreasonable.

What if she wanted to breastfeed in peace without you gawping at her?

Why? Babies in prams take up more space than a second person, even if the pram is folded! Mine was a monstrosity. Also where would the high chair have gone? In the space where the second chair should be surely. Unless OP (who has now flounced after leaving some colourful insults that have been deleted) was expecting the mother to hold the baby on her knee! That really isn’t reasonable as I assume the mother was wanting to eat and/or drink something!

A baby was using it. Either a baby in a pram, or a baby in a high chair. Where was OP hoping the baby would disappear to? And where would a folded down pram be stored? And why should the mother have to disrupt herself and her baby?

That’s great. Mine throw themselves backwards and are a danger to themselves and others. They also get really loud. No way are they coming out of the pram.

You speak for yourself - such anger and meanness.

I don’t think it’s at all normal to sit at a 2 person table with a stranger. Maybe if there’s a single person on a 4 top you might ask if you could sit diagonally but facing someone on a small table just feels incredibly awkward - I’d have felt so uncomfortable if I was the mum.

You asked her to move her pram so you could sit at her table with her?! What a strange thing to do! Yeah YABU and I would have been really confused if this had happened to me.
Wait for a table to become available or go to a quieter coffee shop. Poor woman was probably desperate for a moment of peace and then you turn up!

So we agree that the op asking to move the pram so she could sit at the table too was unreasonable then.

Even if it's table for 2, already taken by 2? 🤔

I'll lean to you being unreasonable. She was enjoying quiet time at a small table and suddenly that's disrupted by a stranger sitting at her small table.

The cafe was full. I'd have gone elsewhere or taken my food away with me.

You sound very strange OP. Never have I known anyone to ask to share a table with a stranger. If there's no free tables you don't go there you go somewhere else.
It would make me feel very uncomfortable if you'd done that to me.

No anger at all and nothing mean about it. I wouldn’t sit at your table in a restaurant either. It’s really rude to just demand to put yourself in the space someone is already using. It’s clear OP was making a point about the pram. there was no other space anywhere? She didn’t ask to join a group of 3? Hmmmm. I wouldn’t be rude enough to do that either. It’s incredibly intrusive and shows both a lack of self awareness and a lack of social skills. From OPs other responses though I suspect it’s not either of those things, as she’s coming across as generally abrasive.

It’s nothing to do with wheelchair users, you’ve clearly got a bee in your bonnet about that.

no - don't be ridiculous. It's not like moving a coat
off a chair so you can sit down.
why would she uproot her baby so you can sit down?
im assuming you struggle with social interactions?

YABU. My 12m can sit, but she’s bloody tiny and we can’t use high chairs in cafes or restaurants. She slips and it’s really dangerous. She’s safe in her pram.

Also asking to sit on a 2 person table with someone is weird.

I may have it wrong but it sounds that you were asking her to move her child from the space at her table so you could have the child's place.

That is pretty unreasonable, yes. Was there even a spare chair at the table? You mentioned the pram was where the chair "would be".

I would have been dismayed to have you standing over me as I was forced to transfer the baby to a high chair. There would be a very good reason why she hadn't already put the baby in a high chair.