To ask a parent to move their buggy from a café so I can sit down?

[TheUmberFawn]

Went to a busy café at lunchtime. One table was occupied by a mum with a large pram taking up the space of two chairs. There were no other free tables, so I asked politely if she could move it so I could sit. She gave me a dirty look and mumbled something about needing space. I get that babies come with stuff but why should that mean no one else can sit? AIBU for asking?

I'd honestly rather just leave and go and sit on the ground outside with my coffee, than share a two person table with a complete stranger in a packed cafe. What's the point when it's that crowded? So tense for everyone involved.
Suprised the OP would even be able to relax and enjoy her coffee on a tiny table that she booted a baby out of the way to occupy whilst being glared at by its mother.

Op said "where the chair would be", which I read as there was no chair...?

So you get your kids or family bag a table ahead of any poor saps in the queue ahead of you, then would you get annoyed if they asked to use an empty seat? Hmm doesn't seem very fair.

I usually book online or by phoning the cafe a day or more in advance. "Hi, could I please reserve a table for 12pm tomorrow, for one/two". Easy.

If it's more spontaneous, which is less usual for me, then I look and see if there are free tables and if I'll be able to get one. If I can good, if I can't, I'll go elsewhere or plan to take my food elsewhere, like the park, an outside table, even my car.

But they aren't using the seat...

Well said.

Baby's probably prefer to be at home anyway than in a loud, crowded space.

It's the bitch about new motherhood that your life has changed and baby comes first. It is what it is.

Yes YWBU

Absolutely not! no way I would have agreed to move my baby and let you seat at my table!! Very strange entitled behaviour!

It also gets a large group out of the area where people are trying to order/waiting to order, and out of the way. So it keeps everyone corralled nicely if they are sat down and not getting in the way.

Not usually an issue as I've normal booked at least the day before and there's a 'reserved' tag on the table waiting for us at the booked time.

I've never had anyone ask to use an empty seat and I really don't think they'd want to. 😄I promise it wouldn't be restful for them. Then again, we don't tend to have empty seats and are more likely to have been given an extra seat, i.e., a 9th chair pulled up by staff to a table usually set up for 8.

Well yes. I’d never try and join a single table that was occupied by a mum and baby that had no space unless she moved her baby. So bizarre!

the train situation you have described is COMPLETELY different and not comparable in any way. A baby isn’t the same as a bag. If there isn’t space to sit down in a cafe, I’d go elsewhere before I bought anything

If you're shopping as a single person you're not likely to be phoning the café up a day or two in advance to book a table.

Well this is just pure conjecture. And baby might have preferred it at home, but for whatever reason the mother wanted to get out of the house. I’d suggest the mental health of a new mother is extremely important and expecting her to stay at home (until when exactly?) because someone might want to share her table in a cafe is ridiculous.

Yabu.
There were two of them at a two person table and you asked her to move one of the people so you could have the spade instead. You wouldn't have asked a couple if he could stand so you could sit, or ask a Dad to put his teenager on his knee so you could sit. If this was the only possible place you could sit, then the cafe was full to capacity and you needed to wait for a seat.

What I can’t determine is where was baby when OP approached mum about moving pram?? In mums arms? Surely op can see this would be difficult and disruptive to mum

in the pram? Well you can’t move baby and pram elsewhere so op can have seat

in high chair? So that’s a chair A second chair taking the space at a two seater table.

No matter how I think it op seems unreasonable. While I’m not opposed to table sharing I would not select a mum at a very small table as my target. Read the room op the reason she looked miffed was becuse you were making her jostle herself baby and pram around to accommodate you.

Anyway, I've always had nice chats meeting strangers at the same table in a cafe, even mums to have a chat with, cos I'm one too. You can always relate.

People need to open up to each other, we can always find a common ground.

The attitude of the majority here reminds me of this..

No but if I'm shopping and decide to get lunch, I find somewhere quiet where I know I'll be able to get a seat. Being able to get a seat would never include crashing someone else's table, even if there was a vacant seat.

Then op should have taken the chair elsewhere. She was using the space. If her partner was in a wheelchair so not using the chair does that mean they should move so op can have the chair in their space?

People are still quite cough phobic. If someone is eyeing up your table, a couple of coughs will see them move on. 😂

It's perfectly possible for establishments to get busier while you're waiting in a queue at the counter. You might see seats when you arrive and it might be a lot busier by the time you've been served.

I don't know how cafes work in your local malls. In mine, I go to the counter and ask for a table, get seated, then order. A lot are using QR scanning at the table for ordering still. If I'm shopping with someone else, they sit down then I go order. At most there might be one person ahead of me, so it's pretty easy to know there isn't going to be a push on tables.

That might happen at the local IKEA but not in a cafe, in my experience. If I'm ordering my eggs benedict I make sure I'll be able to sit before I order it. Can't eat that one on the bench in the park.

@TheUmberFawn you said you asked if it was ok. But you clearly was expecting only one answer from her.
Mums with babies/toddlers/prams can’t go anywhere without someone in the public giving them stick for whatever reason. This time it’s because this mum took up a two person table for her and her baby and she didn’t want to accommodate you by inconveniencing herself and her baby at THEIR table.

I was comparing the bag blocking a seat to the pram blocking a seat, rather than the baby. Obviously the baby doesn't take up much room, but it has to be in a pram which did make it hard for OP to access the other seat at the table without it being moved a bit.

If the pram just needs to be moved a little bit closer to the mother so the second seat could be accessed I don't see it as BU.

And you can't possibly know the tables won't be filled before you order.

As someone up thread said, they send in family members to bag a table when they go into a cafe.

So you'd be purchasing your food or coffee and in the meantime a couple of "reserve table" types would have come in beaten you to the empty tables. Or do you only decide to buy coffee in a cafe if there is at least 3 tables free? Or 4? How many empty tables do you need before you'd order to escape the horror of having to ask someone if you can share a table?

If the pram was blocking your access to a second table then that's not rude to ask if it can be moved so that you can access the second table.

It's not rude to ask politely if you could share a table but be prepared for no. A table for two is quite intimate to have to share with another person when you already have a baby with all their stuff to deal with.

Doesn't sound like you asked if she'd be willing to share the table before you asked her to move her baby.

Think costa coffee or local high street coffee shops rather than a mall with table service.

And of course unless a couple of people bring along family members to 'reserve' tables and they enter the cafe just as you finished paying, and you turn around to find your previous empty tables are now 'reserved'.

I'm invariably eating on my own. The last time I did I had to go to the counter and order, then find a table. Thankfully it wasn't busy.