DH buying his ex flowers for Mother’s Day?

[Roosch]

Would you be happy for your DH to buy his ex (mother of DSD) flowers on Mother’s Day?

Just saw that he basically got her the same thing as me. He did not tell me he was going to do this.

For background, DSD is 10, and we have 2 young children together.

I’m not sure how to feel, and just hoping for general advice.

Your posts are giving real red flags OP.

Based on the post you've written today it sounds as though your reason for being upset goes way beyond a bunch of flowers and has more to do with your feelings towards your partner and the life you have chosen for yourself. I would strongly suggest therapy if this isn't already happening. Noone else can do anything to make you to feel OK about your situation and you need to find some way of making peace with it as your partner's other family aren't going anywhere.

I think the flowers issue is a red herring. The real issue is your regret at getting involved with someone who already had a child & the insecurity you now feel around that for whatever reason.

This is your issue and it is something you need to discuss with your husband.

This is nothing to do with any of the children who happen to be involved in this situation. Or the ex for that matter.

It depends - did he give the flowers to DSD to give to her Mum or did he send the flowers from himself? The first is absolutely fine, the second would have given me a twinge.

I’d be disappointed in him if he never. Mother’s Day is for celebrating mums and saying thank you for what they do as a mum and regardless of them being together she deserves this.

"he always says that we do everything together, I am his everything etc."

That is a cause for concern. The flowers are not.

This.

He bought the mothers of his children the same
gift for mothers day. Bit different if he bought her jewellery for her birthday from him and then bought you the same gift.

Well neither of you are his mother, but you are both the mothers of his children. Seems fine to me!

But you did choose it. DSD is only 10. She cannot advocate for herself on these occasions.

Personally, I would feel happy I married a man who felt that he needed to do ths for his ex and their child together.

So unless there is a huge backstory, YABU.

I have the sneaky suspicion that the OP would much prefer there to be animosity between her DH and his ex and it extending to her DH largely ignoring his first born. And if her DH was going to buy flowers then his ex should have only received a tatty garage bunch as opposed to the OP's luxuriant bouquet.

He sounds like a keeper to me.

Both flowers were posted (from him).
I appreciate the minority who would also have felt a twinge! I know mumsnet is usually hostile to stepmums.

YANBU And this isn't about him 'treating the mothers the same way'. This isn't about his children. It would be different if he bought the flowers on behalf of the children to give to their mothers. Him giving flowers to her is all kinds of wrong imo.

I would have an issue if he did not buy her something for mother's day. She is the mother of one of his children, a child who won't have the money to buy something for themselves. My partner buys his son's mother a present for mother's day - his son chooses it. I have also bought her something when we were in a shop close to mother's day and he said it was something his mum would like. I asked him if he wanted to get it for part of her present and he did. Neither of us like her very much for various reasons but his son loves his mum so we keep that to ourselves.

He knows what flowers I like and he tends to buy me these - if she got the same it wouldn't bother me too much. If we both got the same and he chose one's she likes I might comment on his lack of imagination but it wouldn't really bother me.

I would be fine with him herting jer something from the children as that's good for the kids too. I would be a bit miffed if he got her the exact same thing as he got me though!

Buying flowers for his ex on their daughter's behalf was a kind thing to do. I don't think he should have felt obliged to clear it with you, unless it was going to leave a large hole in the family budget.

My ex bought me gifts for birthdays/xmas/Mother’s Day from our DS. I appreciated that he thought of me to be honest and meant DS doesn’t feel bad to have nothing to give me.

I think it’s a great thing for the dad to do, not only does it show he’s thinking of the kids feelings about having something to give mum but it also shows mum that dad appreciates everything she does for his children.

How long have you been together? If it’s years it is either what he does every year or it’s something new? I get you feel blindsided but there are worse situations to be in. Standing by someone going through court is far worse I think than low key drama.

btw I used to be a step mum and I still in contact with her whilst she’s cut off her dad/my ex. I think lots of step mums are fab.

So THIS is what you have the actual issue with. Not the flowers.

Nothing wrong with him getting her flowers. Also nothing odd about a 10 year old not showing appreciation to you.

Is there any other reason this is upsetting you so much? You mention you are looking after all the children today, where is he? Is there more to this where he leaves you to look after the DSD and your children and swans off for the day and you don't get childfree time in return.

I do find it odd however that he got both lots of flowers delivered, as I assume he would have been home on mother's day with you and could have bought some to give to you in person by the children.

That’s lovely

It’s a green flag. A decent man will treat his kid’s mother with respect and appreciation. Flowers on valentines day would be a different scenario.

I think you need to chill.

I can understand you feeling a bit off with it but try looking at it from a different angle in that it shows he's a good heart.

Shitty of him not to warn you, since obviously it devalues your gift in your eyes. Don't listen to the manpanderers, obviously he should have run it past you first. In the real world absolutely everyone would understand your hurt.