Page 11 | DH buying his ex flowers for Mother’s Day?

WatchingTheClowns · 07/04/2025 21:09

My son buys something for Mother's Day for me, his ex (mum of his children) and his GF (from her kid but no kids with her). He's a good man.

JorgyPorgy · 07/04/2025 21:17

TheGentleOpalMember · 06/04/2025 13:34

YANBU And this isn't about him 'treating the mothers the same way'. This isn't about his children. It would be different if he bought the flowers on behalf of the children to give to their mothers. Him giving flowers to her is all kinds of wrong imo.

This 100% !!

Icyboy · 07/04/2025 21:28

Your not being serious are you, are you, surely not?

Grow up!

Lavenderblue11 · 07/04/2025 21:59

Does his ex buy presents for your DH on Father's Day?

Pessismistic · 07/04/2025 22:44

Roosch · 06/04/2025 11:57

Would you be happy for your DH to buy his ex (mother of DSD) flowers on Mother’s Day?

Just saw that he basically got her the same thing as me. He did not tell me he was going to do this.

For background, DSD is 10, and we have 2 young children together.

I’m not sure how to feel, and just hoping for general advice.

I would have expected more than her tbh you live with him she doesn’t yes I get he will buy a gift from his own kid but you are worth more.

Notmydaughteryoubitch · 07/04/2025 22:48

When my DSC were younger I would often take them to the shop to buy their mum a bottle of wine and get them to pick some chocolates for her. We didn't get on particularly well or anything but she's their mother and didn't have a partner to support/kick the kids up the arse to make sure they got her something. Me and DH both tend to text them in the run up to mother's day to remind them to get her a card/give her a call etc as they are off at uni/travelling the world and likely to forget without a gentle nudge. So in essence no I don't think he was unreasonable at all.

Notmydaughteryoubitch · 07/04/2025 22:49

When my DSC were younger I would often take them to the shop to buy their mum a bottle of wine and get them to pick some chocolates for her. We didn't get on particularly well or anything but she's their mother and didn't have a partner to support/kick the kids up the arse to make sure they got her something. Me and DH both tend to text them in the run up to mother's day to remind them to get her a card/give her a call etc as they are off at uni/travelling the world and likely to forget without a gentle nudge. So in essence no I don't think he was unreasonable at all.

TwinklySquid · 07/04/2025 23:08

If you ever broke up, wouldn’t you want the father of your children to remember Mother’s Day and do something nice?

You married someone with kids and that normally means a mum is around too. You won’t ever erase that.

Feelinglost10 · 08/04/2025 00:10

Roosch · 06/04/2025 12:49

Thanks for helping me get over it everyone.
Appreciate it!

Wish I could advise my younger self (and anyone considering it) against falling in love with single parents though.

Currently am looking after all 3 kids (often do) and I have never had any acknowledgment from DSD, and never met her mum (despite invitations).

Don’t feel weird about it. I left my ex once because I couldn’t handle the relationship with him and his baby mum anymore, it wasn’t a jealous thing I just felt too many personal boundaries where crossed as anything other than hi and bye and discussing then child for me is associating with your ex. wether it’s right or wrong I don’t care it’s how I FELT so I chose to leave rather than try and change it. X

TheHierophant · 08/04/2025 08:14

I'm horrified you wouldn't automatically applaud this basic courtesy extended to another Mother.

Daisysmummyf · 08/04/2025 08:39

My SD 15 got in touch with both of us for help getting her mum a Mother’s Day present. She had money but needed help on the day to go and collect her mums flowers etc so my husband went to take her on Mother’s Day. It’s important for all mums to be made aware of fuss of on Mother’s Day and it is harder for the kids with no dad at home to arrange things…. I think it’s nice.

JMSA · 08/04/2025 09:06

God, I wish I had a rapport like that with my ex husband.
It would be such a heathy and wholesome thing for our kids to see.

I’d object if they didn’t have kids! But it’s a lovely co-parenting gesture.

sumayyah · 08/04/2025 09:46

My ex buys me presents from our son for mothers day, my birthday and Christmas and I do the same for him on his days.........

Because our son loves us both and isn't capable of getting those things without the support of the other parent

It was mothers day, she is mother to one of his children

cuentacuentos · 09/04/2025 09:20

I understand your feelings, I would likely feel the same way. Many of the negative comments probably come from single or divorced mothers who would appreciate receiving flowers. His daughter is 10 years old and fully capable of celebrating Mother's Day. It doesn’t take money to do that; even a lovely homemade card would be sufficient. He could have helped his daughter create one.

Biffbaff · 09/04/2025 09:36

Your jealousy towards your stepdaughter is the problem here. And it's not OK. For her sake you need to do something about that.

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/04/2025 09:38

He bought them for his daughter to give, surely? Nice thought, considerate man.

DearBee · 09/04/2025 10:03

Nah, I'm with you, OP. He shouldn't have bought you both literally the same flowers. This is his ex.

I'm all for him helping DSD get something for her mum, but it shouldn't be the same gift and should definitely come 'from DSD'.

KeyWorker · 09/04/2025 10:22

I’m not a step parent, nor involved in any kind of blended family situation but I think you should try to see this in a positive light. Regardless of how his past relationship broke down and that he is now happily married to you I think that it is ok for him to spend a moment to acknowledge or appreciate his ex partner as the mother of his first child.

I can also understand the sting of whatever negative emotion you felt when you found out about it.

Ultimately, it is in his child’s best interest that he is able to maintain a positive attitude towards their other parent.

And, you never know, one day you may be the ex wife that he can still find a moment to appreciate you as the mother of his children.

sassyclassyandsmartassy · 10/04/2025 08:24

Shortly. Yes. Although in this house it we me as SS13 step mother that orders the flowers (because I sorted my mums and DH mums and delivery of them all at the same time). DH and I also took SD to choose the card!

SS, quite rightly, loves his Mother and if I love him why the heck would I not support that?

Do we all always see eye to eye, no. I have never been able to understand why there need to be spats in the process of this relationship or why one party needs to try and get one up on the other. Having been part of this for 11 years I entered this determined never to involve the kids and I never have.

we get his half brother and half sister gifts for Easter, Birthdays and Christmas. As well as his mum for her Birthday and Christmas (and his Nan now that’s where he lives since she left the other children’s father).

I will not be a sh*t person just to make some silly point. I am also not a step parent that expects anything for Mothers Day though… I love and care for SS, but I respect the boundary that he has a loving and engaged mother in his life.

I did also get a very nice message from her to thank me.

Jessprioxo · 12/06/2025 13:47

so my husband did this behind my back when his ex had a baby with her new partner.

i never knew until she told me and said it was weird. I was fuming and to top it off I didn’t get any when I pushed our recent child out. For reference he has a 6 year old daughter with her. And we share a 5 year old and 9month old.

They never had a great relationship they were together 2 months she fell pregnant and he never wanted to be with her he broke up with her before she gave birth. She didn’t put him on the birth certificate etc.
so their relationship was never close he never liked her. But when we started dating he wasn’t in his daughter’s life as her mum didn’t want too? But when he started to get more involved he was texting his ex at all hours and not even about his kid. And then got her flowers and I was absolutely livid! When she told me.
I guess it depends on how close they are but in my position there was no need and I set boundary’s and felt so disrespected. He says he done it to be nice and I guess to try and keep his daughter in her life. Which I understood but after talking to him made him realise you can be nice but that’s too nice the fact he hid he knew he shouldn’t off. And I think maybe he was in shock she told me.

Original poster

Roosch · 16/06/2025 08:54

Jessprioxo · 12/06/2025 13:47

so my husband did this behind my back when his ex had a baby with her new partner.

i never knew until she told me and said it was weird. I was fuming and to top it off I didn’t get any when I pushed our recent child out. For reference he has a 6 year old daughter with her. And we share a 5 year old and 9month old.

They never had a great relationship they were together 2 months she fell pregnant and he never wanted to be with her he broke up with her before she gave birth. She didn’t put him on the birth certificate etc.
so their relationship was never close he never liked her. But when we started dating he wasn’t in his daughter’s life as her mum didn’t want too? But when he started to get more involved he was texting his ex at all hours and not even about his kid. And then got her flowers and I was absolutely livid! When she told me.
I guess it depends on how close they are but in my position there was no need and I set boundary’s and felt so disrespected. He says he done it to be nice and I guess to try and keep his daughter in her life. Which I understood but after talking to him made him realise you can be nice but that’s too nice the fact he hid he knew he shouldn’t off. And I think maybe he was in shock she told me.

Yes I agree, I think it’s doing things behind your back that feel off.

I’ve now done a minimal effort Father’s Day for the minimal effort Mother’s Day I received.

OP posts:

U53rName · 16/06/2025 09:07

@Roosch how was your matching energy of FD to MD received?

Original poster

Roosch · 16/06/2025 12:23

U53rName · 16/06/2025 09:07

@Roosch how was your matching energy of FD to MD received?

Fine but not elated.
Still received children’s cards and wishes. (Not a big hullabaloo).

I think energy matching is the way to avoid resentment.

OP posts:

spicemaiden · 16/06/2025 12:34

Roosch · 06/04/2025 11:57

Would you be happy for your DH to buy his ex (mother of DSD) flowers on Mother’s Day?

Just saw that he basically got her the same thing as me. He did not tell me he was going to do this.

For background, DSD is 10, and we have 2 young children together.

I’m not sure how to feel, and just hoping for general advice.

I’d be more than happy.

it sounds pretty well adjusted.

AroundTheMulberryBush · 16/06/2025 15:48

Jessprioxo · 12/06/2025 13:47

so my husband did this behind my back when his ex had a baby with her new partner.

i never knew until she told me and said it was weird. I was fuming and to top it off I didn’t get any when I pushed our recent child out. For reference he has a 6 year old daughter with her. And we share a 5 year old and 9month old.

They never had a great relationship they were together 2 months she fell pregnant and he never wanted to be with her he broke up with her before she gave birth. She didn’t put him on the birth certificate etc.
so their relationship was never close he never liked her. But when we started dating he wasn’t in his daughter’s life as her mum didn’t want too? But when he started to get more involved he was texting his ex at all hours and not even about his kid. And then got her flowers and I was absolutely livid! When she told me.
I guess it depends on how close they are but in my position there was no need and I set boundary’s and felt so disrespected. He says he done it to be nice and I guess to try and keep his daughter in her life. Which I understood but after talking to him made him realise you can be nice but that’s too nice the fact he hid he knew he shouldn’t off. And I think maybe he was in shock she told me.

I hope he's now your ex husband! He sounds like a self serving horror. Getting one woman pregnant then months later another woman pregnant? And then probably didn't want to walk away because he'd then be the man who had walked away from two women with young babies so he just stayed, yet was still contacting the ex all the time, sending flowers etc? Where do we find these men? And I include myself in that sadly.