DH buying his ex flowers for Mother’s Day?

[Roosch]

Would you be happy for your DH to buy his ex (mother of DSD) flowers on Mother’s Day?

Just saw that he basically got her the same thing as me. He did not tell me he was going to do this.

For background, DSD is 10, and we have 2 young children together.

I’m not sure how to feel, and just hoping for general advice.

I’m not in that situation as I’m with my kids’ dad, so who knows. I think I personally would find it concerning if I was with a new partner and he didn’t send something to the mother of his kids. I think it’s a good sign. It could be that to him it felt such an obvious thing to do that he didn’t mention it to you. Do you feel you are generally lacking recognition from your partner in how much of a mum you are being to your stepkids? Is there a wider discussion to be had with him on any mismatches between your assumptions?

Wish I could advise my younger self (and anyone considering it) against falling in love with single parents though.

How long did it take before you knew he had a child if you were already in lve with him by then?

Currently am looking after all 3 kids (often do)

So it's more about this as I'm guessing his ex doesn't look after your kids?

Where is he often not there when his eldest is?

I don’t know how I’d feel in your situation but from my perspective he sounds like a ‘kind’ man.

Him giving his young child's mother flowers is a good thing.
Him not bothering to put time and energy into buying his current partner different presents is a bit shit.

Thank you so much, that means a lot.

Yeah, I’d be fine with that. She’s the mother of his children. He owes her a thank you and it’s a good example to his child.

What do you think is going on then, OP?

Do you think he still has feelings for his ex?

This is a green flag to me. He sounds like decent guy.

Manpanderers? Grow up.

Nobody is being hostile he bought the mothers of his children flowers from the same place his daughter is 10 years old would you have preferred her mum got lesser flowers ?.

Pretty obvious from the OP's other posts that had her partner spoken to her first she would have taken issue with it. It isn't 'man pandering' to think that a ten year old who has done nothing wrong still deserves help with wishing their mother a happy mother's day. My dad was always absolutely useless about that sort of thing and it was awful for us kids.

In the real world 95% of people would see it as a positive just as they have on here because believe it or not those responding live in the real world... We're not som fictional online bots.

It’s lovely that his done that. It will make such a difference for his daughter that he is showing that kindness to her mother. She is still the mother of his child , just like you . You aren’t a more important mother just because you’re his wife. Mother’s Day isn’t about a spouse it’s about mothers - his mother and the mother (s) of his children .

I have 2 children , by different dads . I had different relationships with both. My eldests dad - got on well with him and we always got each other gifts for each other from our child. My youngest- had a very negative relationship with their father so we never did that ( his mother would get him things from DC my husband would get me things from DC ) Let me tell you now - my DC absolutely picked up on that and it affected him. We are now amicable and we buy each other gifts from our child and I can tell how much that makes a difference.

My husband still gets me a gift on Mother’s Day from my children - despite them not being his children and us not having children together - and he gets gifts for his one DC’s mother - he usually gets the same, it’s easier , I have never batted an eyelid and I would feel the same if I did have a child with him.

Think about it - your husband got the flowers for his daughter to give to her Mother. If he got something for her and then something better for you , what is that saying to his child ? That the child you share together gets to give a better gift ?

I got flowers from my ex husband for Mother’s Day from our 7 year old. I am under no illusion my 7 year old paid for it

Say scumsnet again @Ohdearieme2025, I don’t think you quite got your point across.

Are you always so angry? That must really be difficult for you to get through your day.

My exH has never so much helped our DC buy me even so much as a card.

But he expected DC to buy him expensive gifts for birthdays, Christmas and Father's Day.

I did by and large get gifts for them to give him.

I've stopped now, partly DC are older. But also I don't want to anymore. I did want to show our DC a better way to parent in the early days. I hope they still see that.

He was very bitter after we split.

Back to the OP, it's nice that he did that. It's shows a level of respect and maturity.

Are you always so enraged and do you always use projection? Must be really difficult for you to get through your day.

Ok, really must fly.

😘😘 😘

My OH was married before with children, we’ve been married ten years with two of our own. I do basically agree with the majority here that it was essentially a nice thing of your partner to do but I also get why it would make you feel a bit weird. I don’t remember my OH sending flowers but he did help my stepchildren buy gifts for her until they were mid/ late teens and they had a cordial relationship. It’s funny, I’ve never felt insecure in the sense that I know there is no chance that relationship is coming back to threaten me - OH and his ex are very different people and had been apart three years before I was on the scene. We are very happy together and I think he was absolutely the man for me. But it’s hard not to feel a bit weird that there was another woman who he did marriage and children with before you! And something like what your OH did does stick that in a bit.

my OH never expected me to routinely look after his children though and was always very clear that they were his responsibility not mine. I’d have found it difficult if he had expected that. Not to say I haven’t done things for them from time to time or helped them with things like learning to drive and job applications etc but that’s quite different. Reasonable to have a talk with him about that I think….

I'm not enraged just commenting but I see what you are about now, so I'll get on with my day.

It’s sad you don’t spend your Sundays with people you actually like. I hope things get better for you.