Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH buying his ex flowers for Mother’s Day?

286 replies

Roosch · 06/04/2025 11:57

Would you be happy for your DH to buy his ex (mother of DSD) flowers on Mother’s Day?

Just saw that he basically got her the same thing as me. He did not tell me he was going to do this.

For background, DSD is 10, and we have 2 young children together.

I’m not sure how to feel, and just hoping for general advice.

OP posts:
SummerFeverVenice · 06/04/2025 12:09

Roosch · 06/04/2025 11:57

Would you be happy for your DH to buy his ex (mother of DSD) flowers on Mother’s Day?

Just saw that he basically got her the same thing as me. He did not tell me he was going to do this.

For background, DSD is 10, and we have 2 young children together.

I’m not sure how to feel, and just hoping for general advice.

Yes, she’s the mother of DSD and he’s the father. It’s actually a positive thing in my book that he is acknowledging and respecting her as a mother of one of his children.

Nursemumma92 · 06/04/2025 12:10

Shame it's the exact same gift but I think that is a kind thing to do. They were from his DD- imagine the roles were reversed and you never got anything for mother's day until your children were old enough to be organised and go and pick it for themselves. He is being kind and respectful to the mother of his child, this is a really good thing!

Nonsense10 · 06/04/2025 12:10

Of course he's done the right thing. We always bought something for my husband's ex for Mother's Day until step child was able to go out and get it themselves (with money that we gave).

I don't understand why you'd object to it or feel funny about it. It's important to show children.

Pippa12 · 06/04/2025 12:10

Sounds like a keeper to me! How refreshing!

paisley256 · 06/04/2025 12:12

I think it's lovely.

Hall84 · 06/04/2025 12:12

I think it's lovely. STBX didn't acknowledge mothers day. I send token gifts for Christmas/birthday and will do father's day as well. It's not from me but DD and at 10 I'd expect it to be the same.

TheFormidableMrsC · 06/04/2025 12:12

I think it’s a lovely thing for him to do. I always made sure my son got his absolute shit of a father a gift for his birthday/christmas/father’s day. Not once was it reciprocated. I think it makes him a decent man.

Original poster
Roosch · 06/04/2025 12:13

Ok, thanks for the consensus.
I would have preferred he let me know he was sending flowers though.

Lots of things are hard when your spouse has an child already. Sometimes I regret choosing this life.

OP posts:
Cosyblankets · 06/04/2025 12:13

Would you rather there was animosity between them?

QuirkInTheMatrix · 06/04/2025 12:14

If he didn’t do this then his 10yo would have nothing to give her mum. How would his kid feel? Hes doing it mainly for his dc not the ex. But even if he is giving his ex flowers for being a good mum thats still a lovely thing to do.

Spirallingdownwards · 06/04/2025 12:14

Roosch · 06/04/2025 12:13

Ok, thanks for the consensus.
I would have preferred he let me know he was sending flowers though.

Lots of things are hard when your spouse has an child already. Sometimes I regret choosing this life.

Perhaps move on then

BackToRealitySigh · 06/04/2025 12:14

Of course yabu - how awful for the children not to have anything to give their mother on mothers day. Different if they are 25 but aged 10 and unable to buy things for themselves of course he should help.

TwentyTwentyFive · 06/04/2025 12:14

Roosch · 06/04/2025 12:13

Ok, thanks for the consensus.
I would have preferred he let me know he was sending flowers though.

Lots of things are hard when your spouse has an child already. Sometimes I regret choosing this life.

Genuine question but why do you think he should he have cleared it with you? It's none of your business.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 06/04/2025 12:15

Roosch · 06/04/2025 12:13

Ok, thanks for the consensus.
I would have preferred he let me know he was sending flowers though.

Lots of things are hard when your spouse has an child already. Sometimes I regret choosing this life.

Maybe lots of things are hard, but this thoughtful gesture to the mother of his daughter surely isn’t one of them?

Yuuuap · 06/04/2025 12:15

@Roosch i can see why you feel uncomfortable about it but trust me, as a once single parent, having some acknowledgment of all you do for child while their dad does far less, means a lot and it is importantly for your step son to see this appreciation. I’d try and be mature about this one and put your feelings to one side. He’s just trying to be decent and thank god, not many men are!

Pippa12 · 06/04/2025 12:16

Roosch · 06/04/2025 12:13

Ok, thanks for the consensus.
I would have preferred he let me know he was sending flowers though.

Lots of things are hard when your spouse has an child already. Sometimes I regret choosing this life.

Good reply @Roosch! I can only imagine having a step child can be a learning curve at times.

Maybe your DH should have communicated better rather than the actual act was wrong, I don’t think your unreasonable wanting that.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 06/04/2025 12:16

Good for him !

Where is he going to be sitting on his daughter's Wedding Day - top table beside his daughter and her mother ?

JustMyView13 · 06/04/2025 12:16

Roosch · 06/04/2025 12:13

Ok, thanks for the consensus.
I would have preferred he let me know he was sending flowers though.

Lots of things are hard when your spouse has an child already. Sometimes I regret choosing this life.

Would this have ruined the surprise he had planned for you though?
What would your reaction have been? Would you have then known what he was getting you?

I think it’s better to work on the assumption that DH will help DSD show up for Mother’s Day, Christmas & Birthday.
There are seriously worse things DH could be doing.

KhakiOrca · 06/04/2025 12:18

It may be hard but the reasons he didn't tell you are probably down to some insecurities you have which you neeed to work on.

SunshineAndFizz · 06/04/2025 12:19

He should have told you, but he’s done the right thing doing that for his kids.

TheGaaTheSkaAndTheRa · 06/04/2025 12:21

BackToRealitySigh · 06/04/2025 12:14

Of course yabu - how awful for the children not to have anything to give their mother on mothers day. Different if they are 25 but aged 10 and unable to buy things for themselves of course he should help.

Why on earth can't a 10yo buy or make something for their mother on mothers day?

ARichtGoodDram · 06/04/2025 12:21

Roosch · 06/04/2025 12:13

Ok, thanks for the consensus.
I would have preferred he let me know he was sending flowers though.

Lots of things are hard when your spouse has an child already. Sometimes I regret choosing this life.

They can indeed be hard.

However a man who is respectful of his child's mother is a good thing.

pimplebum · 06/04/2025 12:24

I’d be very disappointed in him if he didn’t do this
would you rather she went without ?
what are your concerns ?

cosietea · 06/04/2025 12:25

You are jealous and insecure and are misdirecting those feelings towards your partner and implying he has done something wrong. He sounds like a wonderful dad and man and it’s really not your business what he buys or for whom. I feel sorry for him being with you if this is how you get worked up over a simple bunch of flowers. Fast forward to when marriages and other ‘big’ events happen with their child and they need to be supporting each other, you can’t step in and stop that

My ex does all this stuff and more . He recently supported me when my mum had cancer, because at one point she was his MIL and it would be an arsehole move to just ignore something so big and pretend it was not his business.

You have growing up to do

QueensCafe · 06/04/2025 12:26

Your dh has 2 sets of children each with a mother, so he acted fairly and got the same present from each child for their own mother. They're not a present from him for either of you, they're from the children.

It would be less fair if he only facilitated one child to buy for their mother just because he's still married to that child's mother.

He's a dad helping his children to give a gift to their mums regardless of his relationship with their mothers because the children's relationships to their parents haven't changed.