DH buying his ex flowers for Mother’s Day?

[Roosch]

Would you be happy for your DH to buy his ex (mother of DSD) flowers on Mother’s Day?

Just saw that he basically got her the same thing as me. He did not tell me he was going to do this.

For background, DSD is 10, and we have 2 young children together.

I’m not sure how to feel, and just hoping for general advice.

she said she couldn’t get pregnant then did and purposely didn’t put him on the birth certificate so no she took a lot of first away from me. Too I couldn’t announce mine anywhere and always asked her permission which obviously hurts me more

Ok that's wrong of her to have done that but it doesn't make him a saint. He still shouldn't have went and got someone else pregnant very quickly when his first daughter had just been born. It's feckless behaviour from a feckless man. Like I say, I've been treated similarly by my ex who did something like this. These men are just awful.

My exH buys flowers and gifts for DS10 to give me. I do the same for him too. For context, exH left me for another woman and I was devastated but that’s not DS’s fault. These things are so important to do for the kids, don’t underestimate it.

I think in this case I don’t blame him but because she’s been so vile. Getting herself pregnant and having that control he never went to her sports days, parents evening birth certificate etc.. she never included him only her new partner. So to him being too nice to try and please her does more damage to his “other family” which is me and the kids. Does whatever she wants or says just to have a relationship with her. It’s not always poor mums. I’m not condoning what he’s done is right either but some bio mums love to be in this control and give limited time.

She's to blame for being vile but he's to blame for being feckless and fathering a baby with one woman right after he's fathered another baby with a different woman.

But why? Because they weren’t together for a long time? I know what you’re saying but this was her control they weren’t even together longer than 2 months before she fell pregnant and you know it’s great otherwise his daughter wouldn’t of existed but why can’t he start a family of his own? Because he has one then gets pushed out because she wants “control”? She’s very money orrientated never worked a day in her life and smothered in tattoos fancy car and new build given by the council. At the time my partner had a good paying job and obviously his money a month was very “convenient” what I’m trying to get at this is what she was like. But an accident or not having another child shouldn’t stop you from starting a family with someone else. When we found eachother he had nothing no relationship with his daughter or anything. I think it’s needs to be normalised what the original post said that it’s not okay to gift the ex if the partner isn’t happy with it? In my case he didn’t need to give her roses. Like the guy gave his child the same present as his wife. It’s disrespectful. If it was the other way round I’m sure they wouldn’t like it either. It’s a nice gesture but in a relationship you both agree/compromise to things like this.

Because he hadn't known you long enough at the time you got pregnant to know whether or not this relationship was going to work out. So he was potentially bringing yet another child into the world after a very short period of time with the next woman, which had the potential of leaving yet another child without a father. If he was a responsible man then he would've waited and been very careful about not impregnating someone else so quickly. He would've waited to see if it was a relationship that was going to go the distance before creating yet another child.

Too many people create children willy nilly with the current partner. Of course no one knows if any relationship is going to last forever, or even be long term, but there should at least be some sort of due diligence on his part, both partners parts actually, to at least try and ensure that they're bringing a child into a stable family unit.

she said she couldn’t get pregnant because of her “diabetes” etc so she was to blame? Me and him loved eachother instantly we just never felt that way and we’ve been together ever since and gotten married and had another. She trapped him. We met through friends and wasn’t searching for anything. But time doesn’t matter we don’t know if we’re gonna be here tomorrow or even next year? They weren’t married they both called it off and hated eachother but he tried to be in commutation Til the daughter was here and she controlled everything.

I was settling my baby so that probs didn’t English lol. There’s no right or wrong time it was well over a year they had broken up before we got together, she wasn’t in his life for the first year or so, that was her choice. I think he saw her once in that time and she had to be there in a public space as if he was pedo. She took him to child maintenance and took anything spare he had to support them but could not see his baby. We started a family weather you feel it was right or not for us he wasnt involved in her life no fault of his own. But we are content now other than the too nicey with her because he’s worried she’ll take her away from him. She’s already moved an hour away and makes me do all the trips and hour there and an hour back and and hour there and hour back home on weekends

They were both to blame for the pregnancy, he should've used a condom. Any adult knows that there is a chance of pregnancy, no matter how small, unless the woman has had a hysterectomy. And regardless of if you felt you loved one another instantly, he was feckless in getting another woman pregnant so quickly, it was very irresponsible. He took a chance and taking a chance isn't really good enough when deciding to bring a baby into the world.

Anyway we'll have to agree to disagree. Have a good night.

OP, you seem upset he didn’t run this by you first. I think running it by you first would have spoiled the surprise for you- suddenly discussing mother’s day flowers gives the game away, no? It would be awkward and I wouldn’t have thought it necessary.

I think the best thing you can do is to be pleased you chose a good man who shows it in his deeds. Don’t nitpick and look for fault when there isn’t any.

If you are unhappy with the certain aspects of your family set up, you should address them head on.

Finally, you cannot expect a 10 year old child to be grateful for your contribution to their care. They don’t have the maturity or perspective to understand. Gratitude comes much later. For now, being cared for by the adults around them is basically the order of things.