DH buying his ex flowers for Mother’s Day?

[Roosch]

Would you be happy for your DH to buy his ex (mother of DSD) flowers on Mother’s Day?

Just saw that he basically got her the same thing as me. He did not tell me he was going to do this.

For background, DSD is 10, and we have 2 young children together.

I’m not sure how to feel, and just hoping for general advice.

I think that’s a lovely thing to do. It would make me think a lot of him.

But you did choose it so either deal with the fact that both his children are as equally important to him (or they should be if he is not a dick) and both mothers have played a role on how great their respective children are and he as the father wants to acknowledge that it move on

But remember if you do that you and your child will now be in the position that his ex and his child are currently in

She is the mother of his child. It is very sweet and appropriate for him to get her flowers. You should be happy that if you split up he will probably treat you well too.

The way a man treats the mother of his children speaks volumes. I would say you have a good egg there.

Is that really true though? Just wanted a quick heads up? It doesn’t sound like it- given the bit in the OP that he got his ex the same as he got for you.

It sounds like you would have made his life harder/caused a row. He bought the mothers of his children the same gift, on behalf of the children. That seems fair, given the implied message to his oldest daughter if her mother received less/nothing.

Why would you prefer if he had let you know?

She's the mother of his child what's the problem?

Sign of a decent dad.

Your DH sounds like a good dad and a decent bloke.

My parents split up when I was 10 and my DSis was 7. The first Christmas after they split, my dad asked his father to take us shopping to buy presents for our mom.

I can't remember what happened on Mother's Day but I'm sure someone helped us have a present/card/flowers for her.

Why on Earth did you choose it then?

You've obviously been together a few years, has he not organised flowers or a gift for his ex on Mother's Day before? It feels like you've been thrown by the fact he has this year.
Are there other things going on you're uncomfortable with OP?

His behaviour is that of a mature and respectful man who appreciates the roles of the mothers of all his children.

It's a bit of a push to expect a 10 year old to fund and buy a present for her Mum, he did a good thing 😊

Why do you regret choosing this life? He sounds like a decent man helping his DD give her mum a Mother’s Day gift.

Sounds like a top bloke.

Why is it hard that you didn't know? You are either desperately insecure or controlling. I suspect you're on the insecure side. The fact that he didn't tell you means nothing. He isn't sneaking about behind your back buying her things because he is secretly still in love with her. It was a mother's day gift and good parents still make sure their child can give a gift even after separation. You are reading way too much into it. You can chose to be offended that he didn't buy you better flowers or lavish more upon you if you like but that really would be quite spoilt and churlish.

I think it’s lovely that he did that and he didn’t do it for his ex, he did it for his DD. He has set her good example and also helped her out as 10 year olds don’t earn their own money so need be given it if they need to buy presents.

If you two split up then I’m sure it’s a gesture that your DC would appreciate too.

There's really no need to run the purchase past you first, that makes me think you're struggling with his first family. There are going to be many interactions in the coming years, do thing long and hard if this is what you want.

Did he get his mum some flowers too?

He is doing the right thing by buying you and his ex a similar bunch of flowers- even if it’s so that sd can see that he respects both of you as mums equally.

If it was valentines or her birthday then that would be weird but presumably ex is a good mum.

Thanks to those that have been kind.
It’s just a small gesture but maybe I do need to look into why I’m feeling funny.

I think I would have preferred to be given the heads up because of the way he always says that we do everything together, I am his everything etc. I think I would have been pleased if told, but by not being told it does feel behind my back (just found out now).

I do feel it’s not possible to have the type of partnership he describes when there is a DSC involved.

I’m on my second ‘step relationship’ I have to be honest, with my XP this would have bothered me as I always felt like I was fighting for my place in his life. His relationship with her and the fiery break up spilled into our relationship (they’d broken up a year before but were still angry at each other).

With my current DP I appreciate his good relationship with his ex. He complained that he’d spent more in her for Mothers Day than my 3 grown up kids did on me this year 😂 but I said its nice that his son gets to give her something nice and that he facilitates that.

See it as an investment in a calm and respectful coparenting relationship, that’s priceless for you all.

What would you have said if he had told you of his plans?
It's strange that he feels the need to hide it from you. He probably thinks that you wouldn't approve. No idea why he'd feel that way unless you've given him cause.

And as for buying the same flowers - I imagine that’s just not knowing much about flowers and not wanting to get it wrong! Imagine he bought her some of those little roses and then got you a bug bunch of carnations because he thought it looked fancier! Safer all round to buy the same ones - probably the £5 Mothers Day special!

Ex partners who are amicable- you're lucky! Our childhood handovers involved the police!? I wished my mother was kinder to our step mother.

How thoughtful of your DP to do that.

Well you knew about his son before you got together. You were able to make a choice.

Your DS on the other hand, could not.

So I’m glad his father is doing the right thing.

Kindly, you need to accept that he had a family before you… and his obligations to his child are on going. So no, you’re not ‘his everything’.