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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH buying his ex flowers for Mother’s Day?

286 replies

Roosch · 06/04/2025 11:57

Would you be happy for your DH to buy his ex (mother of DSD) flowers on Mother’s Day?

Just saw that he basically got her the same thing as me. He did not tell me he was going to do this.

For background, DSD is 10, and we have 2 young children together.

I’m not sure how to feel, and just hoping for general advice.

OP posts:
2JFDIYOLO · 06/04/2025 17:44

Re you often looking after all the children.

DSD lives with her mum and visits, or the parents do 50/50?

Are you a SAHM while he works full time?
(In which case it would make sense that while he's on earning, you're on children.)

Do you both work?
In which case he should be arranging time better so he can be spending his chunk with his own child.

Whichever, it does seem you've been cast in the handy 'child care domestic appliance' role

And if her mum doesn't acknowledge - does she even knows this is how it is? Does she think he's doing it? Maybe some clarity needed.

cunoyerjudowel · 06/04/2025 17:51

Also, when I get my ex a gift for Father’s Day it’s also off me to him to say thanks for being an awesome dad, it’s about appreciating the fact he is raising them with me (not in a relationship but we are still a team)

we also text each other thanking each other for being a good parent and often go above and beyond to help each other- my husband thinks it’s great and gets on with my ex well, my ex even dog sits for us when we go away, having a good relationship is in everyone’s interest.

she will be in his life forever as she is the mother of his children, I would look to build bridges and support a positive relationship

JustSawJohnny · 06/04/2025 17:54

Goldyyup · 06/04/2025 17:15

The flowers were from him not the child.

Show quote history

How was the child supposed to order delivery flowers?!

I doubt very much OP received her bunch through the post and actually thought they were supposed to be from her husband!

He's probably just been too thick to tell them to write the card from the kids!

Mo819 · 06/04/2025 17:55

Goldyyup · 06/04/2025 15:47

You admire a man who keep sleaving the second wife to look after all the kids on their own while they swan off?

Show quote history

Reread pay attention and stop trying to cause arguments with people on the Internet because I diffinatly did not say that

JorgyPorgy · 06/04/2025 20:16

The point is he’s not sending them from the kid , it’s from him, it’s not “to mum love kid”.
Also he could buy something when with the kid to give to their mum on Mother’s Day . Doesn’t need to be sending flowers in post to his ex wife.

JorgyPorgy · 06/04/2025 20:24

JustSawJohnny · 06/04/2025 17:54

How was the child supposed to order delivery flowers?!

I doubt very much OP received her bunch through the post and actually thought they were supposed to be from her husband!

He's probably just been too thick to tell them to write the card from the kids!

Show quote history

Why didn’t he just get a box of chocs and give to child to give to their mum on Mother’s Day? He doesn’t need to be spending money on sending flowers on most expensive day of year to his ex.

bakebeans · 06/04/2025 20:25

I agree with the OP. His daughter is 10 years old. The 10 year old doing small chores in the house for pocket money ie dusting, hoovering, cleaning the worktops and then the 10 year old being encouraged to buy the flowers with ‘pocket money’ would be much better

loopyloolou · 06/04/2025 20:47

I think op is getting a hard time, he should have given his daughter the money and let her choose flowers or something else for her mum. He should not have sent flowers from him. Also if op looks after Dsc then he should have arranged token gift too!

JorgyPorgy · 06/04/2025 20:53

loopyloolou · 06/04/2025 20:47

I think op is getting a hard time, he should have given his daughter the money and let her choose flowers or something else for her mum. He should not have sent flowers from him. Also if op looks after Dsc then he should have arranged token gift too!

100%

Orangesinthebag · 06/04/2025 20:57

bakebeans · 06/04/2025 20:25

I agree with the OP. His daughter is 10 years old. The 10 year old doing small chores in the house for pocket money ie dusting, hoovering, cleaning the worktops and then the 10 year old being encouraged to buy the flowers with ‘pocket money’ would be much better

Yes, ok, this would have been the ideal.

But what is so wrong with what he actually did?
If my exH sent me flowers on Mother's Day I would appreciate the gesture because I would assume he was thanking me for all I have done and still do for our shared kids.

JorgyPorgy · 06/04/2025 21:04

aCatCalledFawkes · 06/04/2025 12:01

I hugely dislike my ex but he did give our son money to buy me quite a decent Mother’s Day present.

I think it’s a nice thing to give kid some money and if the kid is too young, take them to buy flowers / chocs
But on a related note , Mother’s Day is traditionally flowers / choc I think, it’s another thing that’s just become commercialised so that now it’s become “ a decent gift” apparently.
And I think ex husbands certainly don’t need to be paying for anything more than a gesture for their ex wife on behalf of their kid. It just seems weird to me. Perhaps it’s just me!

aCatCalledFawkes · 07/04/2025 06:08

JorgyPorgy · 06/04/2025 21:04

I think it’s a nice thing to give kid some money and if the kid is too young, take them to buy flowers / chocs
But on a related note , Mother’s Day is traditionally flowers / choc I think, it’s another thing that’s just become commercialised so that now it’s become “ a decent gift” apparently.
And I think ex husbands certainly don’t need to be paying for anything more than a gesture for their ex wife on behalf of their kid. It just seems weird to me. Perhaps it’s just me!

Show quote history

It’s just you or maybe you don’t have an ex husband or maybe you’re married to an exhusband? Why do you need to highlight the “ex” bit? Why not just all Dads?!
My son actually brought me a jigsaw puzzle with the money which I think is lovely and it was his idea. I don’t eat chocolate and my daughter brought me flowers.

winter8090 · 07/04/2025 06:09

He didn’t buy her flowers. He bought flowers so DSD could give them to her mum for Mother’s Day.
Theres a world of difference there.
My ex did it for 10+ years. The grown up children now do it themselves because he modelled this behaviour for them.

aCatCalledFawkes · 07/04/2025 06:10

JorgyPorgy · 06/04/2025 20:24

Why didn’t he just get a box of chocs and give to child to give to their mum on Mother’s Day? He doesn’t need to be spending money on sending flowers on most expensive day of year to his ex.

Show quote history

Are you the money police or something?

Whyamiherenow · 07/04/2025 18:36

I think it depends on your relationship. I have a good relationship with DH ex wife and they have dd of a similar age to your dsd. We do take his little girl shopping to pick a gift for her mummy. But it is a gift from her although we pay. Oftentimes for logistical reasons I do this. She also sends things for our son for Easter etc.

it is a good co parenting relationship.

I don’t begrudge providing holiday care for DSD either.

but not every relationship works that way. It sounds you have not met her mum which doesn’t seem like a good relationship.

he should have given you a heads up.

Wildefish · 07/04/2025 19:08

I had 3 children with my ex and he always bought me flowers on Mother’s Day. He also bought me flowers on my birthday(same day as his, same year) right up until I married again 20 years after we divorced. Not sure what his wife thought.

Pinkissmart · 07/04/2025 19:11

JustMyView13 · 06/04/2025 12:07

Green flags!
Green flags, everywhere!!
They’re not from him, they’re from DSD. As her dad, it’s his job to facilitate his daughter’s gratitude for her mother whilst she is absent of her own income.
Co-parenting done right.

Yes!!!

MarvellousMonsters · 07/04/2025 19:30

AndImBrit · 06/04/2025 12:01

I’d be disappointed if he didn’t do this. It’s not wives day, and both mothers of his children should be celebrated equally by him, until his children are old enough to do it independently (and 10 isn’t old enough to fund and buy flowers by herself).

Exactly this.

I’d be more unhappy if he didn’t help his older child get her mother something.

Dawnb19 · 07/04/2025 19:34

Why wouldn't he buy her something for mother's day? They have a child together and it's mainly off his child. I'd think a lot less of my partner if he didn't get the mother of his child something.

bridgetreilly · 07/04/2025 19:49

Plenty of single mums complaining that their ex never helps their kids get them something for Mother’s Day. I think he sounds like one of the good’uns.

Cornishclio · 07/04/2025 19:57

I think that is nice of him and not sure why you are annoyed/upset. He presumably bought them for his DD to give to her mum just as he bought some for you. If you marry a man who already had a family you have to expect his loyalties will be divided. His ex is his DDs mum so she will always be in his and your life. As his DD gets older she will no doubt sort Mother’s Day herself but at 10 she cannot.

Yayhelen · 07/04/2025 19:57

Reframe this is your head OP not he bought his ex flowers on Mother’s Day, but, he bought the mother of his child flowers on Mothers Day….

DSD is 10, perfectly reasonable I think 👍

steelingmyself · 07/04/2025 20:17

I agree it’s a good dad thing - nice for DSD. They aren’t really from him, the card if there was one would have been signed by his daughter.

Onthelinetoday · 07/04/2025 20:22

Sounds like a very decent chap

OhcantthInkofaname · 07/04/2025 21:07

Good for him!