To feel peeved house guests don't bring anything

[Achurchi]

We are a family of four and have friends who frequently come to stay for the weekend (one adult and child), and we're never invited back...they make excuses such as they have cats and "oh you don't want to come because you're allergic" which is true, but I can also take antihistamine so it's not really a problem. I am increasingly feeling that they are just using us as we live in London and see us a free ride for a free weekend in the Capital! This has been going on for almost a decade and it is now seriously affecting our friendship.
When they come to ours (they basically invite themselves), they never bring anything with them...no bottle of wine or chocs, nothing. We're expected to fund the weekend's food and drink. My friend is always claiming to have no money, when in reality she has been given hundreds of thousands of pounds' inheritance which she has burnt through and then got herself into debt and had to be bailed out by her mum (multiple times). But we obviously can't say anything about that, and have to pretend she's on the breadline so that's why she can't contribute to the weekend. She's a single parent so always uses that as the reason she has no money (it's definitely not true).
I'm in the kitchen prepping food for the kids (which our friend dictates as they're fussy eaters) and then I'm cooking for the adults, all weekend. And we do all the tidying up etc. Her child gets up v early and wakes us up whilst my friend continues sleeping in until 930/10am. It's exhausting and I end up feeling that I've been taken advantage of, and feel very resentful.
If I confronted my friend about any of this, I know she'd be very upset and I'd end up feeling guilty so I feel I can't say anything. She has a history of poor mental health. What would you do? Tell her we're not hosting them anymore for all of the reasons above, or something else?? It's starting to really affect our friendship. They're here this weekend, and all of the above is/has happened again and my friend has just started talking about the next time they're coming to stay! Help!!!

But why be disingenuous about it? Why be afraid of the truth?

My YABU is because you've put up with their appalling behaviour for so long

@Achurchi well really, her financial stupidity is not your look out!! tell her she just cannot come and that is that!! dont be a mug all your life! you are letting her walk all over you! tell her you will visit her in her home town and book yourself into a hotel then let her pay for your restaurant food!!

I voted YABU because you are the fool who has put up with this shite for 10 bloody years!

Why whinge now FFS??????

You are being taken for a mug - over and over again for 10 fucking years.

Bloody fool.

I’ve said it before, but I think we need a MN Hit Squad - women who will tell the cheeky fuckers to fuck off to the far side of fuck, in a way that is harder for the CF’s victims to do.

I’d happily message the OP’s CF guests and tell them off - I’m 60 and have no more fucks left to give.

I voted YABU because you are allowing this scrounger to do this. You have a relationship where you give, she takes. This is on you.

You need to text this lady, tell her coming to stay does not work for you as you feel taken for granted, a box of chocolates is a small price to pay for the hospitality you provide.

I would also add she us not your friend, she is a mere user.

You can’t get annoyed because you refuse to say anything! It’s on you. At some point you have to say ‘this doesn’t work for me’ (phrase it however makes you most comfortable) But really? Most problems arise because someone won’t say how they feel. Imagine being honest fromthe start. That would have saved some heartache, I guess.

If you have to, just say your house is being fumigated for squirrels, fleas, cockroaches, dust mites and rhinoceroses. Permanently.

Hopefully that'll put them off?!

And to wait until they're invited down to stay.

I also voted YABU because you need to grow a pair! Tell her it's not convenient. Don't give your kids this example of tolerating this sort of treatment.

It is possible to do it in a polite but honest way. She may not like the message but that doesn't mean you've been rude.

I thought guests were invited.

I understand it has grown into an inconvenience and a chore. You can stop it.
If you can't say 'no, that doesn't suit us', say flat out 'We are not hosting this summer.'

Be free and easy using dh/we/us/our family.

Pre emptive strike, send her hotel links, airbnb, b&b with a breezy, 'would love to catch up for a coffee in town the next time you are in.'
You can do it @Achurchi !

Ten years? The only fool here is you. How have you allowed this for 10 years?? This is really all on you. You allowed this, gave her permission and firmly made this the norm. I’m not sure what anyone can tell you.

This, grow a pair! You can’t complain when you have allowed all of it for TEN years.

First post nailed it.

Peeved they didn't bring anything - not so much
Utterly pissed off that they keep turning up - absolutely.

I voted YABU, for not having better boundaries, you should have nipped it in the bud before.

Hi, I would jut say that date doesn't work for us.
You could then say maybe after we come back from a weekend at yours?

If they tell you they are coming, say you are going away or the kids are ill.. if they just turn up, don't answer the door

Ow, sounds like youve got into a bit of a rut with this person. Does she message to ask if they can they come and stay or just turn up? I'm sure she knows she taking liberties and will eventually realise she's out stayed her welcome. I'd suggest messaging to say that it was lovely to see her and child, but from now on you're not able to have them stay over as you need to concentrate on your family and that you'd be happy to meet up in London for the day next time she's in town.

Alternatively, if she messages to arrange I'd suggest telling her in your reply that you've decided not to have people stay over any more and leave it there. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone.

Givers need to set boundaries because takers don't have any.

I'm not sure what's in this friendship for you. I'd start saying no, asking for contributions, and waking her up to deal with her own child

As many others have said, just say “No I can’t do this anymore “
and don’t focus on lack of contributions or she’ll offer to contribute then turn
up with a cheap bottle of shite wine or cheap chocolate then feel she can carry on as usual. Dump her.
but you are being so soft!!

"They're here this weekend, and all of the above is/has happened again and my friend has just started talking about the next time they're coming to stay! Help!!!"

You say: "I'm afraid there isn't going to be a next time. I am tired of being taken for granted and you will have to make different arrangements."

Let's hope she's so upset that she doesn't want to be your friend any more. I'm sorry about the child, but you can't let yourself feel responsible for its entertainment and wellbeing.

I'm always baffled by the phrase 'inviting themselves'. Very early on in my relationship with my now exH,I realised that his family, particularly his mother and his sister,were keen on turning up uninvited and unannounced. I absolutely hate this. I have no problem with people asking to come round,but just turning up and expecting to be made welcome,then staying all afternoon,no way. So I put a stop to it pretty damn quickly. If they arrived unannounced,I just pretended to be out. They soon gave up.

This weekend, just say oh by the way we won't be here for the next few weeks. As we have a invite to go over to my Cousins. As we haven't seen each other for ages.
We should be away for a week or two. So I'll message you when I'm back and we will come to yours for the next few weekends. I'm sure you will want us at yours. As its become rather annoying your family every weekend. So we will come down and see you.
Then any other way she tryst to stop you. You say No. No. No .you don't really have to explain. But if it helps then use any imaginary family member. But once you stop this you will feel better.

Be strong. X

Just say No . If you want to do it politely just say , kids are getting older and don’t enjoy people in the house or at the moment we simply don’t want to have have anyone staying don’t explain to much . You owe her nothing