To feel peeved house guests don't bring anything

[Achurchi]

We are a family of four and have friends who frequently come to stay for the weekend (one adult and child), and we're never invited back...they make excuses such as they have cats and "oh you don't want to come because you're allergic" which is true, but I can also take antihistamine so it's not really a problem. I am increasingly feeling that they are just using us as we live in London and see us a free ride for a free weekend in the Capital! This has been going on for almost a decade and it is now seriously affecting our friendship.
When they come to ours (they basically invite themselves), they never bring anything with them...no bottle of wine or chocs, nothing. We're expected to fund the weekend's food and drink. My friend is always claiming to have no money, when in reality she has been given hundreds of thousands of pounds' inheritance which she has burnt through and then got herself into debt and had to be bailed out by her mum (multiple times). But we obviously can't say anything about that, and have to pretend she's on the breadline so that's why she can't contribute to the weekend. She's a single parent so always uses that as the reason she has no money (it's definitely not true).
I'm in the kitchen prepping food for the kids (which our friend dictates as they're fussy eaters) and then I'm cooking for the adults, all weekend. And we do all the tidying up etc. Her child gets up v early and wakes us up whilst my friend continues sleeping in until 930/10am. It's exhausting and I end up feeling that I've been taken advantage of, and feel very resentful.
If I confronted my friend about any of this, I know she'd be very upset and I'd end up feeling guilty so I feel I can't say anything. She has a history of poor mental health. What would you do? Tell her we're not hosting them anymore for all of the reasons above, or something else?? It's starting to really affect our friendship. They're here this weekend, and all of the above is/has happened again and my friend has just started talking about the next time they're coming to stay! Help!!!

You don’t sound like you like her, so why are you calling her a friend? Just tell her no.

Your "friend" is the epitome of CF!
I go stay with my friend every few months, for a long weekend. I'd never impose myself any more than that. And we arrange together when is suitable and work round what she or I have planned otherwise.
I also take snacks and drinks for us for the weekend and I muck in when it comes to food prep (her husband cooks a Sunday dinner, we do the veg prep between us).
I also muck in with making coffees, stacking the dishwasher, dishing food up etc.
We love each others company and enjoy these weekends. It sounds like you're not getting anything out of this "friendship" at all!
But then again, I'm not surprised you can't say anything, when you've let it go on so long!!!
You don't say how these visits are planned, that would help in determining how to respond to this. But if she is the one stating when she's coming, then next time she says she wants to come and stay, say you have other plans! Don't be so available.
Or better still, be honest and tell her you find her visits stressful and you need to lessen them for your own sanity!

Next time they try to invite themselves say you're away that weekend

Well she isn’t going to want to change the arrangement so u need to decide if you want to put up with being used or say something.
it won’t be easy but u can’t let it go on. Next time she wants to freeload just say ‘hey Jane, thanks for your text but I think we need to talk a break from this arrangement for a while. I’m finding all the shopping and catering is getting a bit too much - financially, physically and mentally’ and just leave it there. She can’t come back and say ‘what do u mean?’ She knows full well what she’s doing. She is mean and self-serving and you and your family deserve better.

That message is clear, to the point and well worded, @TheTavern.

YABU - They have overstepped the mark, for the love of God, put your foot down and say NO, instead of whining. They are not going to change, so YOU change it!

I'm a fan of the long term, open ended commitment, 'June you say? Sorry, X is coming to visit from Y, and I need to keep the whole month free while they firm up dates'.
Anybody decent understands that's a no and doesn't push it any further.

if you can’t bring yourself to tell her she’s not welcome, tell her you’re going away. And the next time she tells you she’s coming, you’re going away…and the next time, going away. She’ll soon get the message. If not, just move house and don’t tell her where you’ve gone!

It’s just polite to bring something on a visit even something small. Suggest you are ‘already committed to something else’s the next time they suggest a visit?

Just say because of col and you feel too tired to entertain you have decided no to have visitors any more.

Clicked YABU simply because you are being a doormat and this has continued because you’ve allowed it.

With respect OP she is not a friend. Friendship is mutual giving and receiving. You’re doing all the giving and she’s doing all the receiving. She’s mugging you off.

You have allowed this to go on for 10 years. Up to you what you do, either tell her no more free visits and accept you might feel guilty about it it or carry on until you are so resentful of her behaviour that your friendship goes belly-up anyway.

You need to assert yourself by saying you will take antihistamines and go to her next time. Clearly agree the next date will be to visit her (if it would work for you to alternate). It may actually naturally bring visits to a close if she doesn’t want to reciprocate hosting.

Don’t agree another date for her to visit.

Depending on how the above goes, you could say you are weary of hosting and need to pull back from doing it.

Again, don’t agree another date for her to visit.

Just state with the cost of living you are not in a position to host.
No body can argue with that.

Honestly, if it’s affecting you that much, you need to put your big girl pants on and say no. Or you can one of three things:-

You can tell her the truth, that you feel she is taking advantage of you and have decided to only do things for those that return the favour.

You can blame it on something else, time needed with family, the cost of living so can’t afford it anymore etc.

Or you can lie and tell her you’ve started a new hobby, club, job etc so are no longer free on weekends but she might request a different time and put you in awkward situation making it hard to come up with excuses.

As others have said, when ever, she asks, it’s actually easier to say, no that doesn’t work for us, we just aren’t available then. Maybe you’re busy hosting someone else 😆

This is the best way. It's assertive not passive aggressive like most other suggestions.
If there is no communication except made up reasons to avoid her she won't know what is going on and that will hurt her more and for much longer than talking to her. This pattern has been accepted for a decade and the OP is probably all sunshine and roses to the friends face who might have no idea that this situation doesn't work for her.

I have a friend who has been a real CF over the years. She's not so bad now but went through a phase of unbelievable entitlement. Whenever she fancied a holiday, she would invite herself to my house, because it's "by the sea". The last time I ever let it happen, I tried to put her off coming by saying I was completely skint (this was true....I was on the last part of maternity leave where you get paid very little). Our car was playing up and emitting black smoke and she wouldn't enjoy being driven around in it. She said this would be fun. I couldn't afford to go out to dinner but we could go to the beach and call in on some friends for a cup of tea, that sort of thing. Instead of taking the hint, she came anyway and said don't worry, I'll bring some food with me. Her contribution was half a floppy carrot, the dregs of a half-chewed tiny block of cheese and half a bag of rock hard jam doughnuts. I spent four days running around after my one year old, making all our dinners and listening to her endless stories about a lost cheque book, all while my baby cried and she didn't seem to see the stress it was causing. One morning she left earlier than was expected and said to me that she was going because she hadn't come all this way to be driven around in a car she couldn't breathe in, to be left talking to strangers (I had to go to the toilet for about three minutes at our friends' house) and to be eyed up by another friend we met up with. I asked him about that and he said he wasn't eyeing her up, he was looking on incredulously at how annoying she was!

After that, whenever she said she was coming to stay (she has never actually asked, just told us when she was coming), I either say we won't be there then or I don't answer. Oh another of her crimes (!) would be to wait until we'd all gone to sleep then knock on the door and ask for a clean towel, as she fancied a bath! Arrrggghhhh.

Please, for the love of God, don't do it to yourself anymore! 😀 I don't think it really matters how you do it. It would be a bit different if they brought loads of grub with them snd cooked every night or at least one night(!) and perhaps took you all out somewhere for the day or dinner, but they aren't. Think how much they'd have to pay for two/three nights in a nice hotel with dinner and lunch every day. Also, think how happy you'll be and how much money you can save by not feeding them however often this happens! Then you can put your feet up and sing I'm the King of the Castle!

Best thing is to have no spare bedrooms if you can’t face actually saying ‘no CF’.

reaporopriate the bedrooms - study craft room gymn. Just say that would be great to meet up that weekend but we don’t have the space to host anymore.

You need to become “busy” when they ask to come

OP. Pass me her details and I will tell her. Simples.

Next time they tell you they are coming - state you have guests. Just say NO!

I agree just decline, don't get tempted to explain or excuse yourself. CF's of this level will just try to bulldoze and justify their way through them. She sounds like a lazy, freeloading arsehole

Be honest tell her the truth.

How often do they come?
if she can’t afford to contribute she shouldn’t come.
I would massively scale back the visits.